Okay, really....adult children

Parent Cafe
101

My D is doing so great navigating things, she’s killing the worrying vibe lol!

She’s moving to a new apartment and figured things out all by herself. She arranged for a van and put a message out on Facebook for help moving. Got a good response. She’s surprised even herself how she’s breaking out of her comfort zone and although it’s hard to put yourself out, it’s working

Yesterday she called, she lost an important paper when she sold her car. Instead of being super stressed and not knowing what to do, she had a plan. Unfortunately it didn’t work out and she has to contact the buyer (who is her ex and she’s trying not to contact him). She got this figured out on her own.

My S has a nice fiancé and they figure out things on their own.

102

@rockymtnhigh, of course worriers know that their worrying doesn’t help and may hurt. That doesn’t make it easy to NOT worry anyway. Your statement above is like telling someone who is afraid of cotton balls (yes, I saw someone terrified of cotton balls on Dr. Phil) that it’s silly to be afraid of an inanimate object, so they should just cut it out. If it were THAT easy, we wouldn’t have such a thing as phobias, which by definition are irrational fears.

103

D1 often gets impatient with my worrying. She is in Europe by herself, and warned me she might be incommunicado for most of her trip. I figure she just doesn’t want to enable me by relieving my anxiety all the time.

But surprise to me, she has been sending us some photos every few days.

I think a lot of the worrying I do about my kids is more about feeling a loss of control. When they are under your roof, you get visual proof on a daily basis that they are okay. As they gain independence (driving or spending a lot of time out with friends), that visual reassurance lessens, and the knowledge that you no longer have the ability to protect them rears its head. For many of us, this causes anxiety. For some of us, it can be pathological.

104

I feel the opposite. When they are out of sight, they are largely out of mind (for worrying). One day, I asked ds2 to call about something, and when we did he let me know he was in his gf’s van on their way to NYC. They’d be spending the night with her parents and head back to school the next day. Ugh. I wished I hadn’t even known that because then I was thinking about the three-our drive each way.

ETA: I know so many who are soooo much worse than me that I don’t think that my worrying is that bad. :slight_smile:

105

@doschicos
My daughter gave us a DNA sample when traveling to a dangerous place in Central America. Didn’t exactly lower my anxiety! For body identification if kidnapped and murdered or the plane went down.

Her PA class was doing cheek swabs for lab purposes and that gave her the idea.

106

We all worry about our kids. We want them to be safe, healthy, and happy. Let’s just hope they feel they can have open communication with us so that we can help them when it is needed.
I read this funny story that I thought I would share with all of you. It seemed suitable for this thread. Basically the message of the story is mom knows when you are not telling her the truth. Mom knows everything!

<<<
A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious…

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom’s thoughts, his son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates.”

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying,
“Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver plate. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?” He said, “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll email her, just to be sure.”

He sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother,
I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the silver plate from my house, I’m not saying that you ‘did not’ take the silver plate. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, your son.

Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read…

Dear Son,
I’m not saying that you ‘do’ and I’m not saying that you ‘do not’. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow.
Love, Mom >>

107

^Would that it were so.