Hopefully I’m posting this in the right section of the forum but I could use some suggestions.
I’m 22 (about to be 23), and I’ve worked full time in this office for almost a year (accounting, compliance, payroll type stuff). It’s a very friendly office, and people often bring in food to share with others. Sometimes it’s home-cooked, sometimes it’s store-bought. In particular, these two women who are probably around 40-45 do it on a semi-regular basis. One has a grown up kid, and one has no kids. I’m the youngest person in the office by at least 10 years, so I feel like they think it’s okay to “mom” me. For example. If one of them brings in homemade food, they will bring it to me before asking if I want any, and heat it up for me or something, as if I cannot handle making the decision myself. They wouldn’t do that for the controller, or HR manager, or people like that because it would be a bit awkward. Thing is, I can be a bit picky about things I don’t like, and so I try to decline this sort of thing unless I know what I’m eating (I’m particularly picky about the texture of certain foods). A few weeks ago, one of them brought me soup with shrimp in it without telling me there was shrimp in it and I accidentally ate one and became quite nauseous. They also pressured me to come eat with them before, even though I said I was over budget for the month in terms of food expenses, and then insisted they’d pay for me. One of the women also likes to fix my hair if there’s something wrong with it and I really don’t appreciate people touching me that I’m not close to.
I don’t want to be rude, but I really don’t appreciate being treated like somebody’s kid. I moved out when I was 18 and I enjoy exercising the autonomy that came with the move. I still see my parents somewhat often, so I’m not lacking that older nurturing person in my life. I know it’s a bit of a “first world problem” but how would you approach the situation?
Sounds like they are just being nice. Milk it out, jk… 
:))
You have a good situation there. There are a lot of work places with petty, bitter coworkers who obsess over rumors/gossip, stab you in the back, and play office politics. Be happy you are surrounded by good people.
If you feel strongly about something though, just politely tell them you are not interested. Not a big deal.
Bahaha @Wien2NC no.
I do actually like my job, and I guess you’re right @fractalmstr I just haven’t had that many different jobs so I’ve never had to experience the bitter bosses, although my girlfriend does on an almost daily basis. I’ll probably just let it go unless she starts touching my hair again - I feel like I’m justified in asking her to stay out of my personal space.
It’s a kindness. I think about how I would like an older person to treat my child at work. For a while, I had 2 newly minted college grads reporting to me, both guys, and it was clear they didn’t cook, so I often brough lunch for our “team”. Over a decade ago, and we’ve all moved on and we stay in touch.
They are showing, in their way, that the care for you as a person. If something offends you, feel free to speak up. But do it nicely and preferably using a"I" statement like "I always feel uncomfortable when people touch my hair or collar even though I know they’re just trying to spare me a wardrobe mishap moment. "
There will come a time, when you’re older, when you realize what an asset your youth was. Make the most of it. Ask to work on projects, attend events, etc.
I am taking as much advantage as I can. I was hired as a basic administrative assistant (filing, data entry, etc) but I learn really fast and I have some business experience so now I’m the go-to guy for accounts payable, vendor relations, and legal compliance (which there is a mountain of for gas stations).
And for the record, my hair is somewhat harry potter-like. No matter how much you try to fix it, it does whatever it wants.
Lol. Then ask them not to touch - you need to keep your scar hidden.
I agree with the above. And it is totally ok to say “I’m weird about food texture so don’t be insulted when I sometimes don’t jump on what you bring in.” That puts the emphasis on the YOU part rather than something being wrong with them and is easier to take.
If the OP was a young woman we wouldn’t tolerate a grown man touching them and insisting they eat things they don’t want. The challenge here is to stop the behavior without insulting these misguided women.
I’d deal with the food issue by bringing it up in conversation at other times – i.e., when they’re not offering it to you – maybe by asking for recipe ideas or commenting on something you ate or saw. If they like sharing and you don’t mind taking what they offer if you like it (and are occasionally offering them a little inexpensive something in return), then your goal is to let them know some of what you like. If they offer you something you don’t, such as the shrimp, it’s perfectly okay to say that it looks great, but you don’t care for the soft texture and wouldn’t want it to go to waste. Then politely, but firmly, refuse to accept it. If they leave it, quietly dispose of it.
The touching is more of a challenge, but you’d be doing these women a favor to nip that in the bud. When they touch you, simply step away. If they change your hair, change it back. They’ll get the idea. If you continue to be friendly while firmly setting your boundaries, it won’t negatively affect your working environment with them. Your goal is to be taken seriously at work. Allowing random people to touch your hair whenever they want won’t accomplish that.