On looking for...and finding...common ground

berurah · December 14, 2006, 11:08am

Hey y’all~

Last night, two of my kids and I went to Wal-Mart for our usual daily essentials run lol. I kid you not, we are in there so often (my record is five times in ONE day!! :eek:) that we know nearly all of the cashiers and greeters by name, or at least by face.

There is this one older woman, Ruby, who is a door greeter. From just walking by her and stopping to chat for a minute or two (or ten), my children and I have become very friendly with her…she’s really sweet and just loves my kids, so how could I not love HER?? :)

Last night, when we walked in, she greeted us with a huge smile and said, “So, are you ready for Chistmas?” Normally I just say “no”…or “yes”…as I usually don’t want to get into the whole Hanukkah thing. But I felt like I could be open with Ruby, so I said, “Actually, we celebrate Hanukkah, and NO…we’re DEFINITELY NOT ready!” A HUGE smile crossed her face, and she asked us about our holiday, and we talked about her Christmas plans and our Hanukkah ones.

A few minutes later, she said, “I have something that I think you’d like…” She proceeded to tell me that years ago, when she was in an antique store, she happened to buy a Passover seder plate. She said that she had bought it for a friend of a friend but that the person had not, for whatever reason, taken it. So, it was still in her china cabinet.

She turned to me with the most radiant smile I’ve ever seen, and she said, “Would you please take it? I’d really love for you to have it!” OMG! I asked her if she was SURE she wanted to part with it, and she said that she was. So, I told her that I would be honored to have it and that our family would treasure it and remember her each time we used it. And I’ve decided that I’m going to bake her some homemade biscotti and buy her a Yankee Christmas candle to exchange.

Silly sentimental story, right, but here’s the dealio…If we just TAKE THE TIME, and MAKE THE EFFORT to look beyond our differences----to get to know others who may, on the surface appear to be so different from us as to make a connection unlikely or impossible----we might find ourselves quite surprised.

On this eve of the first night of Hanukkah, I encourage each of us, if even for a brief moment, to try to take a fresh new look at this forum and try to understand the notion that were it not for the fact that we all want something similar for our precious children–their health, both physical and emotional, their happiness, their educational success–we would not be here at all. The differences come in how we define these things and how we desire to accomplish them, but that’s okay. No, that’s GOOD. Were we all the same, none of us would learn anything! ;)

So, to my friends and forummates, I wish you and yours health, happiness, prosperity, great college success , and most of all, peace.

Happy Holidays to each and every one of you!

~berurah

system · December 14, 2006, 11:41am

Beautiful story, berurah! Yes, it is SO important to look beyond words and see the person.

simba · December 14, 2006, 11:52am

Happy Hanukkah…

Tarhunt · December 14, 2006, 12:02pm

berurah:

I’m having some or our closest friends over for trimming the tree this year. The mom has been saying for years that she hoped one of her children would marry a Christian so that she could do that. She’d wanted to do that ever since she was a child.

So, I finally got the message and invited them over. I’m really looking forward to it.

I agree with you about one-on-one relationships, but I’m afraid that human nature gets in the way. The nature of being human is to simplify and classify. That means that prejudice, bigotry, and racism are here to stay.

And on that cheery note, Happy Holidays!

binx · December 14, 2006, 12:45pm

Dear B - thanks for sharing, and hope you have a blessed Hannukah.

And another thing we have in common: I, too, am definitely NOT ready!

katliamom · December 14, 2006, 12:54pm

It is a nice story, b.

And it confirms something I feel deeply about us, Americans. We are much saner about religion, divisions and, yes, race in this country than we give ourselves credit for. Which doesn’t mean that there aren’t division or racial/religious problems here - it just means that Americans in general accept the idea that we can all be different, and still be Americans. I don’t say this lightly - I wasn’t born/raised in the US, and I’ve lived in several parts of the world as an adult, so I’ve had opportunities to compare. And I can tell you, it’s not in many countries that a Jewish neighbor would don an Easter Bunny suit for the annual Easter egg hunt - something that happens on our block every year.

Cressmom · December 14, 2006, 12:55pm

Happy Hannukah Berurah! I loved your story!

lealdragon · December 14, 2006, 1:01pm

Beautiful post! I completely agree that if we all seek what we have in common, instead of focusing on the differences, the world would be a better place.

I have a bumper sticker on my car that has symbols from various religions shaped like letters, and it spells ‘COEXIST.’

Thanks for sharing this, and Happy Hanukkah! (while I celebrate Solstice!)

coronax2 · December 14, 2006, 1:02pm

That’s such a wonderful story. You really touched each other’s lives right there in Walmart of all places. That’s what life is about, sharing and caring about each other, differences and all. Happy Holidays to you and yours!!!

soozievt · December 14, 2006, 1:07pm

Berurah, that is a lovely story. Usually when people in stores wish me a Merry Christmas, I tend not to bother to explain either and wish it back to them. But I am glad you did take the time and look what happened…a lovely sharing and understanding of one another.

Also, as someone else wrote, I would have fun helping someone decorate a Christmas tree, even though I don’t celebrate, because it looks like fun and I don’t do it here. It is always nice to share customs and traditions with others of different faiths.

audiophile · December 14, 2006, 1:21pm

Great story. Happy Hannukah to all who celebrate and

“God Bless Us, Everyone”

(younger daughter performed in “A Christmas Carol” last week. :))

CC_Admin · December 14, 2006, 1:36pm

B - Which WalMart has the free plate offer?

(oops…did I miss the point?) ;)

HImom · December 14, 2006, 2:07pm

I know the names and/or faces of most of the employees (& many customers) at Costco, which is a 5-minute drive from our home, so I really identify with you on that.

When I was a new transfer student in college, my room mate took me home to celebrate Hannakuh for a week & the 2nd week I went to another friend’s home for a week of celebrating Christmas. It was wonderful, learning about Hannakuh & Jewish traditions & songs (I was raised Roman Catholic). It was also great introducing my room mate to Christian Christmas traditions & teaching her carols & having her come with us to chop down a Christmas tree at a farm.

mstee · December 14, 2006, 2:42pm

Lovely story, B! Happy Hanukkah!

Chedva · December 14, 2006, 3:05pm

Happy Chanukah, all! (And I too love decorating someone else’s tree - then I get to go home, and I don’t have to put everything away once the holiday’s done!)

Tarhunt · December 14, 2006, 3:20pm

I partly agree with you. Because of intellectual history, especially the history of Western Europe’s political thought, we are born into a culture that professes to believe in individual freedoms and the rights of individuals. That is very useful for tolerance, at least among the educated.

On the other hand, before we go patting ourselves on the back TOO much, we need to understand that the US has faced very little outside pressure and fairly limited internal stress in its history. We are a country with two enormous moats to the east and west, and two militarily weak countries to the north and south. Despite that, we have not been good about recognizing the difference between ethnic identity and individual rights when under pressure.

The Japanese internment in WWII is a case in point. And in case you missed it, a Gallup Poll indicates that almost 4 out of 10 Americans agree that Muslims in this country should have to carry special ID. A radio jock somewhere (I can’t remember where) suggested on his show that Muslims should have to wear a yellow crescent on their clothing, and the call-ins on the idea were overwhelmingly positive.

mini · December 14, 2006, 3:53pm

ANOTHER CHANUKAH STORY

Once upon a time and space – for a time without a space is like a nose without a face – at the far northern edge of the town, which was at the far northern edge of the county, which was at the far northern end of the country, at the far northern edge of the continent, at the far northern end of the northernmost world, there lived a very poor family consisting of a mother, a father, eight children (4 boys and 4 girls), and an old cow. In the cold, northern winters they didn’t have much to eat, or enough fuel for the fire to keep warm, and they couldn’t afford electricity. Still, they were happy enough, and kept themselves happy by singing together every evening.

One cold and windy day in darkest December, the youngest daughter met an old, shrivelled woman at the northern end of the town square. The old woman was wearing a tattered dark brown cloak that covered her whole body and which she drew up over her head. The old woman complained that she had no place to stay and nothing to eat. “Come home with me,” said the girl, "we don’t have much, but I’m sure we’ll share what we have.

And so they went home together. The family welcomed the old woman, even though there wasn’t much in the pantry to eat. (In fact, they were so poor, they didn’t even have a pantry.) They had a bunch of potatoes which had lots of black spots in them, so they cut out the black spots and made potato pancakes. They had a bag of wormy apples, so they cut out the worms and made applesauce. The old cow gave nothing but sour milk, so with their potato pancakes and applesauce they had sour cream.

It gets dark early in deep December and the house had no electricity, so the father went to the candle box, but found only one small candle left. The father lit the last candle, and the family gathered around the table to sing songs for the old woman, and also for themselves. They music was beautiful, and somehow the light of the candle seemed brighter as the family sang. Soon, one by one, first the children, and then the mother and father drifted off to sleep in the old family bed, where they huddled together with the old cow to keep warm. The old woman slept in the old armchair by the table.

The next day when they got up, they were all surprised to see that the candle was still lit. In the evening, they gathered together again to eat their dinner of potato pancakes and applesauce and sour cream, and to sing songs around the table. And as the singing seemed to get more and more beautiful, the old woman seemed less shrivelled. And people began to gather outside to hear the singing, their noses pressed against the one small window.

And so it went. Every evening, the family ate their poor dinner of potato pancakes and applesauce and sour cream, and sang around the table, their faces and the one small candle still shining brightly. And the crowds around the window grew larger and larger.

On the eighth day, there was a knock on the door. It was Mayor Mayer (the mayor of the town) who, having heard and liked the singing so much, offered the family a job singing at city hall. But at that, the old woman stood up and took off her tattered cloak. Underneath she was wearing a robe made of gold. She reached into her pocket and took out a small crown of rich red rubies and placed it on the little girl’s head, and out of her cloak she brought a bale of fresh green grass for the old cow.

“I was hungry and tired and you took me in,” she said, “and it gave you such joy to do it. I have a castle where any tired travellers, rich or poor, can stop and have a meal and spend the night. And since you have been able to make the poorest fare seem like a feast, I want you to come to my castle and take charge of the food, and the singing, and the hospitality. And bring the cow!”

And they did. And to this day we celebrate the family which made a feast out of the poorest fare of potato pancakes and applesauce, and the cow who could only give sour milk, and the one small candle which stayed lit for eight days by the light of their singing.

berurah · December 15, 2006, 10:32am

Last night, one of my daughters and I went to Wal-Mart to see Ruby and to bring her the Yankee candle that my youngest two children had gone with me to pick especially for her. They had SO much fun smelling all of the different candles–they eventually decided on the Macintosh Apple because we’ve had one, and they loved that scent.

We wrapped the candle in some pretty Hanukkah tissue wrap (hadn’t bought my Christmas paper yet for our Christmas-celebrating friends) and attached a HUGE velour rose and a bag of gold-wrapped gelt at the top.

When we came in, Ruby was not at either door, so I asked one of the other greeters with whom I’m friendly about where to find her. Taking a quick glance at the package in my D’s hand, she asked, “Return?” and I told her that no, this was something for Ruby. The greeter told us that Ruby was at the other door, but since we hadn’t seen her there either, we shopped around for a few minutes.

After checking out with our few items, we noticed that Ruby had returned to the door. When she saw us, her face just LIT UP! She had told us the day before that she was getting ready to move and that the Seder plate had been packed and she wasn’t sure how long it would take her to find it. BUT…she HAD!! She was really excited that she had been able to find it, and she had boxed it and left it at customer service for us.

We talked for quite a while, as usual, and then we handed her the gift. The look on her face was priceless–she really has the most beautiful, serene, glowing countenance, and lit up with a huge smile, it is just breathtaking! The night before, when she had first offered the gift, I had reached out to embrace her with a huge hug. Last night, she reached first, enveloping me in her slender arms. It was so amazing…the hug of a stranger whom I felt like I’d known my entire life. It has been quite a while since I felt the embrace of someone old enough to be my mother. My own mother passed away five years ago this month, and we had been estranged for years before that, so Ruby’s hug was, to me, the most precious gift of all. :)

Ruby and I exchanged last names, and next time I’m in, I’m going to give her our address and phone number. I believe that our family has just found another “adopted”!!!

The plate is gorgeous…HEAVY brass in the shape of a Star of David, with each of the (rounded) points providing a place for the symbolic Passover foods. It is intricately wrought and delicately painted in the center. Wow. Just…wow. But, the most beautiful thing about it was the kindness of a stranger. A stranger who is now a friend!

~berurah

digmedia · December 15, 2006, 11:05am

You must have the largest dining room table on the block!

On looking for...and finding...common ground

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