<p>The hailed favorite is coming up fast on the checkered flag. She leads the field–continually widening the gap between her and her leading competitor–dashing others’ chances of even coming close. Cheers, intermixed with laudatory praise, rain down from the stands after your daughter is named victor of the Harvard 500. A crimson banner is unfurled from
a prominent place atop the upper deck: “We are delighted inform you that you have been accepted into the class of 2009…” (other, smaller, indecipherable text follows,
which the author cannot make out).</p>
<p>The local news recounts the sensational performance the day following. </p>
<p>“Top-notch engineering couldn’t have done it alone,” commented one
crewmember from the Parential Pit Team, “a 4.0 chassis works good enough
for an amateur qualifier, but for the Harvard, we made sure to invest in additional
bodywork.” A relative continued: “We decided to accessorize; front and rear 1600-series suspension provided by the Princeton Review
assured stability through the last few hairy laps.” </p>
<p>Senior race official, and co-spokesperson for the Yale Invitational, Diana Rex Torr, commended the winner’s Valedictoran Cup win, and offered some contextual commentary. “It is rare to see a scratch competitor finish in the top ten percent
these days…,” in light of the new handicapping system. She cited an amendment to rule 209: “We’ve used a staggared start for almost a decade now. Contestants falling into certain ‘special groups’ [undisclosed to both paper and author] are given an initial, 20-minute head-start. That way, entrants who can stay on the course for the entire duration of the race have an equally-likely chance of winning.”</p>
<p>Will Spent, a New Mexico native who had already toured ten races in the “Ivy League” division this year with below-par trial times, told the Local, “Winner!? She’s not even worthy of a top ten!
Top-score suspension touch-ups? Extracurricular engine upgrades? Get me the number of her mechanic!” He declined further comment after repeated compaints of
“rinning out of gas” and being “sold short” by the EFC Student Loan Agency prior to the competion.</p>
<p>The next major event will be held in four years, when the Pit Crew’s sponsor enters a new academic and age division. Team Parential has already selected venue
D for their daughter as first choice for racetrack. “Maintenence is key here,”
claims Crewchief John Doe (operating under the initialism D.A.D.). “The vehicle is a
one-of-a-kind TOPFLITE model that clocks 3.5 years accelerating from zero to success.
We use genuine parts to prevent burn-out in the short-term. Each member of
our crew is T.L.C.-certified – we operate with the best intentions.”</p>
<p>Parental’s “pearl” will face formidable challenges at the MCAT pre-series
qualifier in 2008. The Stealthy Sevens–an elite, New England group, each of whose members have earned 700 opportinity points or more in previous MCAT trials,
are expected to offer keen competition. </p>
<h2>Miscellany:</h2>
<p>The Big Five Classic</p>
<p>A: Attourney (Invitational)
B: Business (Invitational)
C: Computers / Technology (Invitational)
D: Doctor/Medical (Invitational)
E: Engineer (Invitational)</p>
<p>O: Other (Open)</p>
<hr>