online dating for late middle age?

Of course I’m asking “for a friend.” lol.

“According to my friends”, match.com was pretty decent for the 35-49 year old group. They also said that jiayuan.com was good for Chinese-speaking people.

I have more than several friends who’ve been quite happy with their results. Of course, you need to know how to present and you’ll wade through some misses, same as the kids do.

Several friends have committed relationships, one’s playing the field but very happy with the companionship of her latest. They say, put in the effort and enjoy.

In the new film, Book Club, Candice Bergen does it. Amusing.

Keep relationship status off facebook–especially “widowed”–easy to end up with scammers.

My friend signed up for Match.com and her ex was the first person to come up in results! Doubly funny when we learned that he was paying extra for premium service to show up higher :slight_smile: Good luck @oldmom4896 !

None of my friends have had luck with Match or Zoosk, most of their “dates” were heavy with baggage and not very successful in life in general. I know my ex immediately signed up for both and spent alot of money the first year wining and dining every date…my understanding is that he is still very much single and not dating anymore. Although I’m thinking about it myself now that I have an empty nest and little desire to go back to school, so yoga and wining are my winter sports and the beach takes up my off time in the summer.

@ProfessorPlum168 I don’t think 35-49 is middle-aged, more like “prime time”, until at least 45. I know it was for me.

As a side note, I had an annual physical the other day with my long time NP. We were talking about my job search difficulties and age discrimination. She informed me that I wasn’t middle-aged, that no one was living to be 114 yet. OUCH. I came straight home and googled it… 45-65. So I’m just slightly past the exact middle of middle-aged.

@oldmom4896 – as long as your “friend” posts her age online as < 50, she’ll get hits. I started on Match at 52 but somehow I was 48 online :slight_smile:

I found my new DH on Match. Definitely need a screening method to weed out the psychos, unfortunately. Don’t respond to winks or favorites – just emails. I would exchange a few emails then set up a phone call. Maybe this is just me, but certain voices or ways of speaking are a turn off for me. If the phone call went well, I’d set up a short (45 minute) coffee date. Or you can meet for a glass of wine but make sure you have an exit strategy in case you need to leave.

I actually like speed dating better and always “matched” with at least one person per session. People can’t hide behind a carefully crafted profile and selected photos. And I can talk to anyone for 5 minutes. Good luck!

@Classof2015, thanks for the advice. Alas, “my friend” is a lot older than 50!

My friends use Our Time, which aims at 50+.

One more tip @oldmom4896 – your friend might have good luck with widowers. IME, they liked being married, they want to be married (if that’s her goal) and you have a lot less of the angry bitter “sour on love” mindset of many divorced people.

Ok I’ll come clean, I was on Match not too long ago for about a year, but accounted for now. As a middle aged Asian widowed male with a lot of good things going on, the thing that bothered me the most was that 10 out of 10 males had no problem with dating an Asian female, but 9 out of 10 females in the 40-50 year old group who weren’t Asian had a problem with it. And even half the ones who WERE Asian also had an issue with this. I’m not exaggerating on this. I can also see this coming out on this site from many posts with resentment re: Asians being barriers to entry for school admittance.

The other major peeve is that 99 out of 100 females want someone 5’10” and over. Heck, even the girls 4’6” want someone 5’10” and over. I’m glad my kid won’t ever have to deal with this particular discrimination and for that matter hopefully I’ll never either.

@ProfessorPlum168, I am so sorry that was your experience. For what it’s worth, I am white (culturally Jewish), I used to be 5’10" but now around 5’7", and adopted my daughter from China as a single parent, when she was almost 2 and I was almost 50. We lived in Brooklyn (in a traditionally African-American neighborhood where I settled years before, looking for a bargain) but I schlepped her on the subway to attend preschool, pre-k, elementary school, and middle school in various corners of Manhattan’s Chinatown (4 different schools!), and the high school my daughter attended (test-in) is around half Chinese. I started this for her but it was an amazing experience for me too, and I learned SO MUCH! I like to think that things are changing for the younger generation.

Several friends suggested J-Date but I don’t want to restrict myself like that, not at all. I started a profile on Match.com (no pix yet) and said I was open to anyone 5’7 and up.

@oldmom4896 it’s not a big deal, it’s not as if I needed to find 50 or 60 women, just 1. I still managed to establish communication with quite a few nevertheless but nothing worthwhile materialized. My “win” came on a chance encounter at a hospital of all places.

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I just saw “The Book Club” last night with … My book club. Watching Candice Bergen, playing a federal judge, navigate an online dating site was golden.

I have no advice, but I wonder if I have it in me to ever go that route. I’d hope a friend could arrange a blind date for me with Prince Harry.

Seriousy, no advice.

Hmm. Maybe you two should get acquainted.
Sorry for your loss, PP.

Funny, a widower friend met his gal at a conference, he happened to be standing outside the ladies room, when she headed there.

as long as your “friend” posts her age online as < 50, she’ll get hits. I started on Match at 52 but somehow I was 48 online.

I found my new DH on Match."

From what I’ve read, it is common for people to shave a few years off their age when online dating to attract more fish. What I’ve always wondered though is when do you fess up to your real age and isn’t their bound to be some distrust from the fib?

“The other major peeve is that 99 out of 100 females want someone 5’10” and over.”

I’ve read that it is common for males to lie about their height as well which makes women hesitant to screen for say 5’7" and up because that 5’10" is actually 5’8" and the 5’7" could wind up being 5’5".

^ my point was that even the short girls (5’2” and under) are invariably looking for someone a foot taller than them.

I never did any studies on actual heights but for males, since they don’t wear heels, I doubt if they really lie much on height. Maybe 1 inch? Except for Tom Cruise, he’s probably not 5’7”, he’s most likely my height.

Women sort through in various ways. If you think your profile isnt hitting, why not modify it? I don’t
mean height. Rather, other things that would be attractive in a quick look. This applies to women, too.

Maybe I should try Match. I just had my 4th experience in four years discovering that someone I met who seemed “interesting” is married, but doesn’t wear a ring. Grr.

There are plenty of married men on Match who pretend to be single too. Giveaways: no photos.

Doschicos - I usually disclosed my real age before or at the first date. No one said they had an issue with it.