OPENING PARAGRAPH POSTED--- too confusing?

College Essays
1

<p>Write a brief essay about yourself, focusing on one or two of your principal intellectual interests. Try to give the selection committee a sense of how these interests enhance your life and how they relate to your other interests or activities. </p>

<pre><code>Two long weeks separated three months of hard work and preparation from the decision. My group waited anxiously as our teacher, Mr. Devine, placed the thick folder of mock-Supreme Court decisions on his podium; watching classmates race up to see if the Justices had decided in their favor. When the crowd of students around the packet dispersed, with expressions of happiness and disappointment, we timidly approached. Of course we hadn’t won. The actual Supreme Court had decided against us, and our opponents truly were the academic Goliaths of Northside. The five person group we faced had three seniors-- between those three seniors there were seven Ivy League admissions and three perfect ACT scores. Our opponents included the valedictorian, the salutatorian, and the co-captains of our award-winning debate team. We paged through the packet, not upset by the impending confirmation of our defeat, but satisfied by the fact that we knew that we had worked our hardest and argued as best we could, to the last page, where our decision lay. We skimmed the opinion briefly, looking for, “the Court has decided in favor of the Petitioner, Pleasant Grove City,” but instead found-- “the Court has decided in favor of the Respondent, Summum.”
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<p>I kind of went with the tell-the-end-first structure to add dimension to my essay, and I want to know if I should explain it more as to not confuse the admissions officers. Read: can you get a general idea for what is going on, and assume that the next paragraph is devoted to an explanation of the project.</p>

<p>If it is confusing, what parts in particular throw you off? I feel like the most confusing part might be “The actual Supreme Court had decided against us,” but isn’t that bad. Thoughts? This is due tomorrow guys!!! Thanks so much</p>

2

<p>also “the decision” and “actual” are italicized</p>

3

<p>also considering deleting the last sentence</p>

4

<p>not really confusing but what is ur thesis or point that your trying to convey?</p>

5

<p>It’s about my AP Gov class’s ConLaw program, in which we work with Mayor Brown lawyers to write a Supreme Court brief on a current, undecided (at the point of assignment) Supreme Court civil rights case, and then present oral arguments at the Circuit courthouse in front of the Justices, who are comprised of retired/current appellate/circuit Justices and Mayor Brown partners. It is really an amazing program. I’m going to say some stuff about confidence (in myself and the confidence that our teacher had in us to pair us against the other group) and how the research work I did applies to all fields of study and particularly to JSA.</p>