Opinion on sleeping arrangements

Parents Forum
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<p>It’s not bull – because I’m not arguing a position. I’m just stating what is the case in terms of what I believe (and what my relatives believe, etc.). I’m not trying to defend those beliefs. A lack of understanding about the beliefs could stem from operating in a completely different mindset, hence the relevance of making sure everyone is on the same page. At no point do I want to talk about the validity of my beliefs in this thread – again, only what would be the case for my family (given that that was the point of the thread).</p>

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<p>Are they required to be? If so, then I probably wouldn’t stay in your home with female friends/relatives. </p>

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<p>Stigma? What stigma? You must have me confused with the KKK.</p>

<p>Please, at this point make another thread or take it to PM.</p>

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<p>It’s your home. So you make the rules.</p>

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<p>Separate rooms till they are married. The most comfortable alternative for all involved.</p>

<p>As for going quietly to another room in the middle of the night - heck, it is a part of growing up :slight_smile:
And no, I would not turn my white noise machine up, even if I had one. Be polite, be quiet…</p>

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<p>Baelor, you should probably look up stigma in the dictionary.</p>

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<p>Last summer our older daughter invited a young man to our lake house for the weekend. For some reason, we were under the impression this was a platonic relationship. Initial arrangements were that D would sleep in her bedroom on the main level, friend would sleep in a bedroom also on the main level, DH and I upstairs in our room, and MIL downstairs in the basement bedroom. I happened to look out the window on the day we all arrived and saw my D and the young man kissing. Oh my goodness, the discussions which ensued between DH, me, and his mother. We finally informed our D that she would be sleeping downstairs in the basement. She was fine with that.</p>

<p>After all was settled, hubby and I giggled at the thought of putting MIL in the main level bedroom without informing boyfriend of the change, and putting him to the test. We were hysterical, laughing into our pillows, about the thought of him sneaking into the bedroom, only to find a 78 y/o woman in the bed. </p>

<p>Sigh. I don’t think DH slept well that night. He was on alert, listening for noises-the steps down to the basement creak a little, lol.</p>

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Many young couples apparently feel differently - otherwise this question would not come up every couple of months…</p>

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so lying/sleeping together is ok with you, you just don’t want to be held accountable?</p>

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<p>I did have a platonic living situation where the two women shared a room and the guy, one of my dearest friends, had his own room. When I told my same grandma with the “sexy legs” about it she paused and said…“Oh, well that’s OK it’s like Three’s Company”</p>

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<p>I am so surprised this thread hasn’t been moved to the cafe a long time ago, but it is interesting reading.</p>

<p>I have trouble with “my house my rules” as an absolute. </p>

<p>I can still remember a huge fight with my parents when I was 17 because I was eating some lettuce (sans dressing) with my fingers and was told to leave the table or use a fork.</p>

<p>Well, I was more than willing to use the fork (pick your battles, show respect, etc.), but I insisted that this was arbitrary rule given that I could eat fried chicken and sandwiches with my hands.</p>

<p>My parents wouldn’t agree to that. According to them, there was some universal law that insisted that no people in any culture can politely eat lettuce with their hands.</p>

<p>Hm. I left the table, and after many, many fights about their rules, left home a year early without finishing high school. It’s okay. I now have a PhD, but payed for college and grad school myself, and no fancy schools or pedigrees, sigh!!!</p>

<p>I don’t think they would have sent me anyway.</p>

<p>So, on many occasions, I have “bent my rules” or altered my way of thinking for my kids.</p>

<p>For example, one day I told my D, who was then in HS, that her bra straps were showing and she should pin her clothes. She said, “everyone lets their bra straps show nowadays.” She wasn’t flaunting them, they just happened to peak out.</p>

<p>I said, “sensible. That was bane of my existence summers when I was young. Had to resort to tube tops.”</p>

<p>So rules can change depending of the needs of the community.</p>

<p>I don’t allow smoking, though, because that’s a health issue for me. D’s boyfriend goes onto the porch. Still on my premises but not in my asthmatic lungs.</p>

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<p>I know what it means. The implications underlying it I inferred – clearly too extremely, so I retract the comparison.</p>

<p>Nevertheless, no child of mine would be stigmatized by his family.</p>

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<p>Baelor: Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re college age? You have no idea of how you’ll feel when you have children.</p>

<p>You may rubber stamp your parents’ positions exactly, you may deviate slightly, or you may desire you have very different opinions. Until you actually hold that baby in your arms, you have no idea of how you’ll feel or what you’ll do, and even then, it’s an evolving enterprise.</p>

<p>I understand that you want your views to command respect here, but some people (me included) feel they stigmatize others.</p>

<p>At times my mom has asked me why I need to bring politics into social life. My question to her, “Would you have me approve of a cruel (or even nice for that matter) slave owner?”</p>

<p>There was a time when good Christians thought slave owning was hunky dory. They found justification for it in the Bible.</p>

<p>So, so can’t change your mind, but why are you trying to accomplish here?</p>

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<p>I deviate significantly. Again, just not on moral issues.</p>

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<p>Please. All I’ll say is that I can’t predict the future. But I know myself to the extent that I find any change in moral views highly unlikely. You are but the next in a long line of people that have been telling me since I was 10 that I would change my religious/moral views significantly. I think I’ll trust my track record instead of more demagoguery, but rest assured I’ll let you know if something drastic happens.</p>

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<p>Then you understand incorrectly. I really don’t care what you think of my views in this context (in a religious context, i.e. evangelization, I do – but that’s a different issue). </p>

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<p>We all make mistakes. But note that the Catholic Church was actually the major player in the ending of slavery. I can provide quotations as necessary.</p>

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<p>As soon as people stop responding, I’ll leave. I only want to respond to the people who respond to me.</p>

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<p>Get it? He wants the last word! :D</p>

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<p>You could interpret it that way. But really, it’s foolish to leave people hanging. If someone just agrees to disagree, there’s nothing to which I should/could respond. But given that people have specific points to make, I’m not going to just ignore them and leave an incomplete picture here.</p>

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<p>It is not foolish to leave the other person hanging when you are hijacking a thread. That would be called maturity, actually.</p>

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<p>It takes two to tango, and threads have lives of their own, especially CC threads.</p>

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<p>My H and I met in college and during the summers visited each other. At my house it was assumed that we would be in separate bedrooms - no problem. At his house, they initially assumed we’d be sharing a bedroom. He had to make them change the arrangements to separate bedrooms because that was what we wanted.</p>

<p>Years later, my SIL is visiting with bf and we were hoping they would stay in a hotel because we weren’t sure how they’d take being asked to sleep in separate rooms. We knew that we had our rules but she had adopted her parents’ rules. We were relieved that they did indeed go to a hotel. But if need be we would have had to say something, we feel pretty strongly about that sort of thing in our home.</p>

<p>Our kids know that the rules at home will not change, even if they do. Luckily they have embraced our faith and we are in agreement here.</p>

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<p>AtomicGirl, thank you for sharing that.</p>