<p>In my family, if you are in a relationship, your boy/girlfriend can stay in your bed as long as the door stays open. I see this as a very good compromise</p>
<p>I’d let them stay in the same room. Once they’ve been living on their own and doing what they want in their own space elsewhere, I wouldn’t say “under my roof, under my rules” – but I understand this is how some feel. I would want my kids to respect that if they were in another family’s house as visitors who wanted it that way.</p>
<p>But in my house… I’d let them sleep where they want.</p>
<p>My son went to his girlfriend’s family’s house for Thanksgiving break last year. It hadn’t crossed my mind before now, but I wonder how they arranged that…</p>
<p>I think it’s fine for the parents to still want the kids in separate bedrooms under their own roof – and then it’s “don’t ask, don’t tell.” Of course, it’s also fine if they house the kids together. This falls under the category of “this used to be SUCH a big deal years ago, and just doesn’t seem like that big of a deal anymore.”</p>
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<p>I agree with parents doing what makes them comfortable. I confess, however, that the “Ok, since you live together, you can sleep in the same bed, but absolutely no hanky panky” stance makes me scratch my head…</p>
<p>I agree with pizzagirl. It depends on the parents and both ways of doing it are pretty acceptable nowadays.</p>
<p>However, I find it pretty weird that parents are “creeped out” by their sons or daughters sleeping in the same room as someone. It’s clearly the sexual aspect that is disturbing. But I mean, presumably the husband and wife slept in the same room all throughout S or D’s childhood. Not really something to be creeped out about imho. Why two people sleeping in the same room who are “married” is less disturbing than two people sleeping in the same room who are not begs the question of whether marriage is associated with lack of sexual activity and sexual passion ;). Oh wait, it is…dang…maybe that should be the attitude we need to work on! Hah.</p>
<p>Recently, my freshman D brought home a few friends from college including her new boyfriend. I (jokingly) said that BF had to sleep with her because there were not enough beds to go around. She said that was a great idea. After I picked my jaw up off the ground, I told her I was kidding. I’m not so sure she thought it was much of a joke.
PS I agree with above by Nrdsb4.</p>
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<p>My parents weren’t stupid and they knew darn well I was with my boyfriend (now-husband). And for bonus points, he had a single, so there you have it, LOL. But it still seemed a bit indelicate for him to stay in my room when he visited, especially as I had a younger sibling. I think there’s something to be said for discretion. Better part of valor and all.</p>
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<p>For some, it’s the moral aspect, not the actual disturbance of sex aspect.</p>
<p>I will be creeped out when my kids are married, too, but I guess I’ll have to get over it then.</p>
<p>I think the “no hanky panky” request was just due to parents lack of comfort with that happening just down the hall while they were there. Seems reasonable to me.</p>
<p>Agree totally with pugmadkate. One bedroom – white noise. What they do is none of my business. If I had moral problems, that would be a different story. I am glad the kids’ rooms are on the opposite side of the hallway from mine.</p>
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<p>^^^Got that-so in that case, it seems best to not put them in the room together. Does anyone think two 20 y/o who already have a sexual relationship are going to sleep in the same bed and not get physical?</p>
<p>Again, no matter how odd that seems to me, their house, their rules.</p>
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<p>Hmm, interesting perspective.</p>
<p>I would be willing to be that the concept of their parents having a sex life is every bit as creepy to the kids, if not more so, lol. Guess that’s just part of the human experience and possibly, healthy boundaries.</p>
<p>While my husband and I did not live together before marriage, we did date for 6 years before we married. That is not to say we never slept together, we just never shared an address. While in college one summer my parents we going out of town for a weekend and my mother asked my husband (then just a BF) if he could stay at the house with me so I would not be alone. There was no discussion as to where BF would sleep and I took that to mean my parents knew we had slept together in the past. To this day I have never discussed it with my mother, but I also think we lived in a “don’t ask, don’t tell” time.</p>
<p>My children know that mom and dad were together before marriage, so I would be a hypocrite if I told them they could not share a bed with a significant other. Now when my son was in high school and his GF at the time needed to stay overnight; I told him that she would be sleeping in the guess bedroom. They both argued with me that nothing was going on, but I stood my ground and did not allow them to share a room. Of course, I got no sleep that night as I was monitoring the door the entire night!</p>
<p>Well, we don’t even have enough room for our visiting son to have a room himself. He and his girlfriend slept in the only place available, the living room futon couch. Glass French doors, windows on the street. In the future, they will probably rent a room in a local inn.</p>
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<p>LOL. So it’s OK for them to sleep together so long as they don’t sleep together?!?</p>
<p>It shocks the heck out of me when I look in the mirror and I see my mother!</p>
<p>Of course she would have never allowed the whole share a bedroom…much less a bed thing between un-married people…but I am there w/my D now. Her BF from college (they are both 20) has stayed over here----in the guest room----they get it. I know they basically live together at college but that is there…I am loving the whole out of sight out of mind thing.
I would never have sex w/my parents down the hall–and I can expect the same from her—when I finally break down and say “sure he can sleep in your room!”</p>
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<p>Well, maybe. I’m sure the words “Okay, but we’re going to have to be REALLY quiet” have been said more times than parents realize.</p>
<p>snowball: Agree with you about high school. Then they’re our responibility. Over 18 in college up to them. That’s the way I looked at it.</p>
<p>And I’m not uncomfortable with the idea of sex – doesn’t creep me out. Of course, I don’t want to be involved with the intimate details but I would feel that way about anybody.</p>
<p>My husband and I lived together before we got married. We always told our children that we would prefer they live with any SO before they got married. So it wasn’t that big of an issue the first time my daughter brought her boyfriend home. I gave her the choice, she wanted him in her room.</p>
<p>Then again, I am in the uncomfortable position of dating while my youngest is still at home. And occasionally, I want to sleep with my boyfriend. It was a good thing to have this all spelled out before I came home with a boyfriend.</p>