<p>My mom, now 70, lived with my stepdad when I was 15 for a year before they got married. Even knowing that I never asked for my college BF to share a room with me when we visited. She wouldn’t have objected, but at the time I wasn’t comfortable doing so.
I guess I am just not uncomfortable with the knowledge that my daughter will someday be sexually active with a significant other. In fact, I really HOPE that someday she is able to have a healthy relationship that includes sex! Not now when she is 17 mind you!! But certainly within the next few years. I am not at all weirded out by the thought! I do agree with one of the earlier posters who said that she as a teenager is REALLY weirded out by the thought that her parents might be having sex. And boy do I have some funny stories along that line…but not publicly!</p>
<p>It’s funny, when my kids were little we had some friends staying over on various occasions who were divorced and came with dates for the weekend. They were in their 40s or older and they just stayed together in the guest rooms. I remember saying to my husband that we treated it as nothing, my kids knew they were sleeping in the same room and that they weren’t married (and sometimes they came with a different date two or three times each year), but nothing was said.</p>
<p>My older daughter came back from college with 3 friends - 2 girls and one boy and they all slept in the “bunk” room - 2 twin beds and a trundle, with an air mattress squeezed in. I didn’t care because if they wanted to do something they’d wait until we fell asleep.
Which is exactly what my college boyfriend did when I was at his house for a break and slept in his sisters room. He was so insulted that he waited for his parents to fall asleep and came into his sisters room to get me!</p>
<p>You have to do what’s comfortable for you, it is your house, but you should be somewhat aware of what’s being implied by your actions.</p>
<p>Obviously, we’re in the minority here. Because of our beliefs, H and I refrained before marriage. DD and DS will be welcome in our home with a boyfriend/girlfriend, but said BF or GF will get the guest room. Our beliefs haven’t changed in the past 24 years. At this point, kids believe as we do … we’ll see if that remains the same. :)</p>
<p>zebes</p>
<p>If it were up to me, they could sleep anywhere they want. Having them share a room wouldn’t bother me in the slightest – noises or no noises. </p>
<p>It would bother my husband a lot, though. So in reality, neither of my kids would ask to share a room with a significant other while visiting us.</p>
<p>Having the luxury of a “guest room” I will make up son’s room and the guest room and I will not check to see who is sleeping where. I suspect that they would stay separate, but I will never know.</p>
<p>Son and his girlfriend are committed and monogamous. They have been living away from home for 4 years. I have to trust him/them.</p>
<p>DH and I always stayed in different rooms when we went home to see families before we were married. My parents never raised the topic, and DH and I never chose to test those waters.</p>
<p>We do have a guest room for visitors and I trust that my kids will exercise good judgment. Other than that, I won’t guard the doors and will run my HEPA filter, just as I do every night.</p>
<p>Mafool – I’m with you. Don’t ask, don’t tell.</p>
<p>My parents provided separate rooms, but paid no attention to where people actually slept. They said it was actually more an issue when their friends came with significant others. They knew we were sleeping with boyfriends, but they weren’t always sure about their friends!</p>
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<p>PMK, for the second time today you responded to a post in exactly the same way that I wanted to. I might as well log off :D</p>
<p>“I would be willing to be that the concept of their parents having a sex life is every bit as creepy to the kids, if not more so, lol.”</p>
<p>But not to the point where the kid is creeped out by the mere thought of them sharing a room.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p><em>shakes head</em> </p>
<p>The other thing I don’t get is when parents come to CHECK on the room every 5 minutes! Another poster mentioned this and my parents do as well! They will assign guest rooms, and then peek their heads in at 4am to see “how everything is going.” 4am! </p>
<p>It just seems unnecessary…</p>
<p>Not to mention sometimes they really are just cuddling…and I’m not being sarcastic…really…haha.</p>
<p>But in the end I don’t question it. I respect that it’s tradition, if nothing else. My parents began dating in HS, waited until after college to get married (for the principal of it), and then lived with roommates and/or parents even while engaged! They only shacked up well after the wedding. Pretty impressive. I doubt I could hold off for so long…splitting the rent down the middle is just too tempting!</p>
<p>I would not let my son or daughter share a bedroom with their bf or gf no matter what their age. Even if they were 40 years old. I would also not let any adult that not married share a bedroom in our home if they were not married. My house, my rules.</p>
<p>^^^and your right.
Nobody has a right to make you uncomfortable in your own home.</p>
<p>If S was living with someone, I would assume they would share a room in my house. If they were only dating, I still wouldn’t care, but I would make up the guest room and not pay attention to who slept where. </p>
<p>H and I dated long distance (intercontinental) for a year and never lived together before we married, but that was mainly due to the distance and visa issues. My parents probably would not have liked it if we had lived together, but as my father often said: “You are 3 x 7.” </p>
<p>H & I slept in separate rooms when we visited both sets of parents. At my parents house, I slept in my room, he in the guest room. At his folks’ house, there was no guest room, so I slept in his bed. He and his dad slept in his parents’ room, and his mom slept on a cot in the living room. That arrangements was decided by him and his parents. In neither case did the sleeping arrangements prevent any “hanky panky.”</p>
<p>Amusing thread.</p>
<p>DH and I lived together for a year before we got married (well, it WAS cheaper) and my D when she was in college did not know of this until my inlaws ratted us out. </p>
<p>So much for that. :D</p>
<p>We are a year older than the couple in question, and engaged, and in my family the issue is not the morality of sharing a room but the fairness to the rest of the family in bringing an opposite sex guest onto the sleeping floors of the house. We don’t do that, not even during the day. It is an immediate family only space so far as men are concerned. My mom just considers it a privacy issue.</p>
<p>I suspect the rule would be less strictly enforced if we were all adults, but so long as my sister is still in the house this is how it is, even if we were married.</p>
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<p>What if it were a same-sex couple that isn’t permitted to marry? What would your rule be for them?</p>
<p>If my son ever wants to bring a partner home, my primary reaction will be happiness that he found someone. But I just moved into a one-bedroom apartment where my son’s room when he’s here will be the living room, so I guess if the situation ever arises I’ll just have to make a lot of noise as I’m heading to the kitchen for a late-night snack.</p>
<p>Somehow, this issue has not yet come up with me or my many sibs while we were growing up or now that we have kids. Our kids aren’t in any serious relationship & I guess we’ll have the conversation when it needs to happen.</p>
<p>I’m still laughing at the idea of telling them it is okay to stay in the room but they had better not fool around - right - oh the excitement of forbidden sex. When I brought boyfriends to my parents’ house, we stayed in separate upstairs bedrooms. Sneaking across the hall never lost its appeal.</p>
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<p>In my family’s case, there’s no need for discussion. The rule is, not validly married, not in the same room (“validly” in a religious context, where same-sex marriages are not valid). So the issue resolves itself.</p>