<p>^eye roll. Seems like in that case, S/D in that family has bigger problems than temporary room arrangements.</p>
<p>If the family is not homophobic that marriage question is kinda a red herring. Marriage as a concept implies a promise to spend the rest of one’s life with another. Gay couples can easily make this vow, exchange diamond rings, become engaged, have a wedding, and even get a gay-friendly priest to conduct a ceremony in a church, etc. without actually “validating” said marriage in a court of law. (And, of course, substitute church/etc. for whatever traditional wedding practices family abides by). In this case I believe the family would consider the gay couples’ marriage just as good as any. Not really rocket science :).</p>
<p>^Again, this is all from your personal framework. Marriage as a concept in many cultures based around religious beliefs also implies a supernatural commitment, and thence (generally) come problems with gay marriage. It is a very deep, well-thought-out line of reasoning in many cases. This is not to say that it is justified, but rather an acknowledgment that it’s not so simple. Many faiths do not believe that gay marriage can ever be valid on an intrinsic level – the fact that a priest simulates marriage does not mean it happens.</p>
<p>And no, the S/D have no problems whatsoever.</p>
<p>This is all marginally relevant. The point is, I answered a question about how my family would deal with that situation. Given the premise that gay marriage is a total oxymoron, gay couples would live in separate rooms, same as unmarried hetero couples.</p>
<p>Again, a typical gay S/D in a life-long committed romantic relationship would have a HUGE problem with being treated differently than a married heterosexual couple. This double standard invalidates their love and commitment to one another. Many gay people are religious themselves and disagree with the interpretation of the Bible (or other religious book) that you espouse, and would consider themselves married “in a supernatural context” if they took a vow of life-long commitment. Their feelings are not so simple either, and I personally feel very sad for any gay S/D that has to face this kind of attitude from a parent. Very, very few gay people would be ok with those views (especially in their heart of hearts) and I truly hope that you are not currently subjecting a gay S/D to this kind of logic.</p>
<p>But this topic is not a debate on gay marriage or the validity of same-sex love and commitment and families - which is why I believe that question was a red herring which takes this topic in a totally different direction than OP intended - so I will leave it at that and simply thank my lucky stars that my own religious parents have a totally different attitude.</p>
<p>I agree that this is a separate discussion. I will therefore respond briefly.</p>
<p>Someone who thinks lying is moral is, in my opinion, wrong. When they are in my house, I will not allow them to lie while in my house, regardless of what they believe.</p>
<p>I believe premarital sex is wrong. The only definition of marriage that is law in my house is my definition of marriage, and it has a clear-cut and specific meaning – one that includes a particular sacramental nature, which requires a hetereosexual couple.</p>
<p>What anyone who is in my house believes is totally irrelevant to the policies of my house, because those are determined by what I consider moral, not whatever pops into the heads of my guests or relatives (who happen to feel exactly the same as I do – were they gay, they would be celibate).</p>
<p>I’m not following. Are you suggesting that a couple married by a justice of the peace, or by a religious authority other than your own, would not be considered married? Only those married by a Catholic priest?</p>
<p>Having said that - I do agree, your house, your rules.</p>
<p>I think rocket6louise’s family policy of having the bf/gf be in the same bed as long as the door open is the worst of both worlds! I don’t get that one at all! If you don’t want them tempted, then stick them in different rooms at least!</p>
<p>Baelor, then are you saying that religion has nothing to do with marriage? If it is OK for a heterosexual couple to live together and have sex if they are married in a civil ceremony then the only difference between them and a heterosexual couple just living together is a piece of paper and $15. That does not seem consistent. I’m not trying to belittle your beliefs, I’m just trying to understand.</p>
<p>Even if they are living together & everyone knows it. It’s the old, “our house, our rules, your house, your rules” thing. Mom & Dad here have certain beliefs regarding this stuff and we have been teaching them since the kids were tots. To expect us to toss aside our own beliefs just because they have chosen otherwise is rude of the kids/guests. </p>
<p>And I agree with the posters who were uncomfortable having sex in their own parents’ and inlaws’ houses even after years of marriage! That was weird for us, too! lol</p>
<p>Okay, that kind of astounds me. If you were married, you wouldn’t be allowed to sleep in the same room as your spouse?! Do your married parents sleep in the same room?</p>
<p>A friend’s D visited her fiance’s family before they married and stayed in the guest room. No problem. Preparing for their first visit to now H’s family a couple of months after the wedding, father-in-law ordered a queen-size bed to turn son’s old room into a proper guest room. Mother-in-law had a meltdown and sent the bed back. Newlyweds were assigned the same sleeping arrangements as before they were wed. They have not been back for an overnight visit since.</p>
<p>I don’t blame them. In my opinion, the MIL is treating them with a lack of respect. Lack of respect for their age/maturity, lack of respect for the validity of their commitment to each other. In addition, she is revealing a few hangups about sex, imo. Now, if I was visiting my husband’s family, I would not be having loud, raucous sex in the guest room; but I wouldn’t do that no matter with whom we were staying. But I would be insulted to be told I couldn’t sleep in the same room as my husband. As the parent, I would feel REALLY hypocritical implying that there is anything wrong with a husband and wife sharing a bed, then traipsing off to my own snug marriage bed.</p>
<p>I just shake my head at how uncomfortable many people are with the mere thought of sex!</p>
<p>It is amazing how many people think nothing of violence and letting their kids watch it on tv or movies but then have extreme hang-ups about sex.</p>
<p>When my D was sixteen and had her first serious BF (no intercourse) I could have done without the bright red cheeks. She always came into to talk right after they’d spent time together. He was from out of town so he went downstairs to sleep in our family room at exactly 1 am. Our agreement that they never broached.</p>
<p>And when DS got his first serious GF at college I could have done without the 12 hickeys in various shades of newness or fading. H and I were on a mini-vacation near his school and we went to a gap and brought him back some shirts with collars. We never said a word.</p>
<p>It was funny, but not appropriate. He was old enough to show some decorum in public.</p>
<p>I enjoy reading Baelor’s passionate certainty about sex, marriage, and maintaining relationships with one’s adult children. When I was in college, I liked fantasy, too.</p>
<p>It’s interesting that in his family’s house two men or two women apparently never sleep in the same room (not being married and all). In every other house I know, that is the most common occurrence when there are more unmarried guests than guest rooms – boys with boys and girls with girls. So either his family has very, very unusual rules, or he is lying about his rationale for how he would treat a gay couple – it has everything to do with their homosexuality, and nothing to do with respect for marriage.</p>
<p>Personally, at our age my H and I love the luxury of a room of our own, very Victorian. I am an extreme, almost pathological night owl. He is not. Between that and the random (okay more than random) snoring and moving and midnight visits to the loo and all, we both treasure getting a full night’s sleep.</p>
<p>I know we’re not very romantic in that regard, but we can be because we can visit each other’s rooms. Well, actually his is too messy, but mine is nice.</p>
<p>I assume kids can do the same thing.</p>
<p>But it’s nice to put them in a room and be reminded of our younger days. Sigh.</p>
<p>S and GF spent an entire year living in a dorm single together in a tiny dorm bed. And they were smiling at the end of it. How do they do it?</p>
<p>Since I am not religious, marriage to me is more of a contractual arrangement so I don’t see its primacy in this situation. I know others feel differently. And DonnaL’s point is excellent: if the state denies marriage to homosexual partners they could never pass this litmus test so it is a defacto discrimination against homosexual partners.</p>
<p>mathmom, can I hire you? I was down in the basement last night because the snoring/gasping was so loud in our room. At least the dog snores more quietly. ;)</p>