<p><a href=“Rejected by Stanford? You'll live”>Rejected by Stanford? You'll live;
<p>A very well written and timely article by the director of admissions at Stanford. Someone posted this on the Stanford part of CC and I thought that many of us here on the Parents board would enjoy reading it.</p>
<p>“What parents of college applicants across the country need to remember this week is that the news their children are about to receive, whether good or bad, is but a single step on a much longer journey.”</p>
<p>I really liked this piece. As curmudgeon said recently in another thread, everyone needs a map. A starting point. I like to look at the entire life cycle as a journey and the steps and processes we follow along the way are our own individual maps. As a parent of a son with Aspergers who may always have problems seeing the forest through the trees, and frequently gets stuck when he encounters bumps in the road, I have tried to teach him to do the same. </p>
<p>The real challenge right now for him and for all our kids as they start their college process, is to learn how to make their own maps, to discover and define their own Points A, B, and C, and to learn how to connect those dots, not just through the college process but throughout their entire lives. They need to begin to follow a map that is no longer completely laid out for them. It is wonderful that they (and we parents) can look to other “maps” that can be found on these threads for guidance, but never should we rely solely on them. </p>
<p>As we watch our kids’ maps take shape, and even though the last roads are still unpaved, right now it’s more important to focus on helping them pave those first few roads so they are not so bumpy or there are not too many forks - but with some idea of the final destination, a general idea of the forest they are traveling to, even if it is only penciled in right now. In this way, perhaps they will be able to maneuver future bumps and take the best turns down the road, on their own with less and less assistance from us. </p>
<p>Not all of them have the same materials or resources to do this and few truly have all the resources to start out completely on their own. Each one will need different kinds and amounts of assistance along the way. For some it is a soul-searching process that can only be done alone; for many, journeys are much more meaningful when surrounded by others. Our kids will all be “driving” different types of cars (some will be on motorcycles, some even in mini-vans) and they will change their vehicles along the way as the terrain changes. There will be many obstacles and bumps, some foreseen and some not, some easier to overcome than others Some of our kids will encounter flat tires, others will stop to take breaks more frequently than others. </p>
<p>The important thing is that they are somehow secure in the knowledge that there is and always will be a path for them to follow, and that it can even take many directions (and may not even be a path that will start or end with college). We have done our job if we can lay the foundation to at least help pave those first few roads as they start their journeys so that they are not, perhaps, quite so bumpy, in order for them to develop the confidence they need to persevere no matter where their journeys take them. And with any luck, they will look at the “college process” as just one part of a lifetime adventure, not just THE means to ONE end. Each student must follow his/her own path, but there is no right or wrong way to do this, there is no one path that will be free of bumps. </p>
<p>And, as parents, we do need to remind our kids (and ourselves) when they encounter those bumps that this is NOT the end of their journey, that a few bumps does not make it any less adventurous or fun - or possible. We all need to remember that it does not need to be as stressful as we sometimes make it when we get too stuck on finding that one “perfect” path.</p>
<p>scansmom…thank you for taking the time to post your thoughts. We all need to be reminded of this throughout our lives.</p>
<p>As a student, I too really loved this piece.</p>
<p>Fabulous article, really well written and thought provoking. I’m fwd’ing to all my “Sr. Parent” colleagues. Thanks for posting MotherOfTwo.</p>
<p>Anybody else curious as to which schools Dean Shaw’s daughter applied to and was accepted ;)</p>
<p>I really liked Shaw’s article.
I hope that all the seniors will read this and take it to heart. I think it’s very important for kids who ARE accepted into tough admit schools like Stanford to get the “other side” of his message as well. You are lucky. Be humble. You happened to be what they were looking for THIS year. But your classmate who was not admitted this year is not necessarily less worthy.</p>
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<p>I dissent. I found the tone of the piece to be smug and patronizing.</p>
<p>^So did some on the Stanford board. I can see why, although I do like the article.</p>
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<p>I definitely appreciate and agree with the message, but it does feel a bit condescending coming from the person doing the rejecting. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>MallomarCookie, what were your results? I’ve been rooting for you.</p>
<p>I think if we were in his shoes, we’d feel a need to “explain”, too. He has to tell over 90% of the applicants and their families that they have not been admitted. No matter how you say it, it will sound a bit condescending coming from the person responsible. How can it be otherwise?</p>
<p>I don’t think bringing up a Memphis State will make the Stanford applicants feel any better, or sound any less condescending.</p>
<p>My ego’s been keeping me from posting publicly on CC but here goes…</p>
<p>Accepted - UChicago, Wellesley, UNC Honors, Duke (likelies at the last 3)</p>
<p>Rejected - Penn, Princeton, Yale (deferred)</p>
<p>Waitlisted - Harvard, Wash U</p>
<p>My stats are in my profile if you guys care.</p>
<p>Congratulations, MallomarCookie. You have 4 fantastic acceptances. How will you choose?!</p>
<p>I’m going to Duke!!! Stanford does notify me in a little over an hour but that is not going to happen 
I’m working on my paperwork now and I’m so excited to become a Blue Devil this fall! Yes, I am completely faking it!</p>
<p>Great choice! One of my son’s best friends from SoCal is at Duke ( a freshman) and he absolutely loves it. Keep your eye out for a handsome blonde, extremely smart surfer dude with with a killer smile. And he’s an amazing tennis player, and an all-around nice guy, as well.</p>
<p>M, thanks. I know you’re shell-shocked right now, but you truly did good. As another waitlisted at Harvard told me, it is at least a complement to be waitlisted. I can tell from your involvement here that you have the thoughtfulness and energy to succeed at the top tier, so, chin up.</p>
<p>I was also waitlisted at Stanford.</p>
<p>Thank you for the kind (and true) words. I am repeating over and over “YAY!” to convince myself I have something to be proud of…right now I am not convinced. What I am confident of is that I have a great 4 years coming.</p>
<p>MotherOfTwo, Thanks for posting this article. I am reminded that about a year ago, you had sent me a PM regarding my DD’s lopsided SAT scores. I want to publicly thank you for the advice that you gave me. You were right on: Things worked out.</p>
<p>(Post #6), regarding the “lucky” and “humble” part. Indeed. I appreciated the person who posted this year’s rejection letter from Columbia, on the C forum. (So true.)</p>
<p>Note: We still feel lucky & humble regarding D’s results of 2 yrs. ago.</p>
<p>MSMDAD - Congratulations to your daughter on all of her wonderful acceptances! I am glad my advice to you was useful, although I must admit I can’t remember what I said! You should be very proud of your daughter!</p>