<p>The OP started this thread to discuss her concerns about her DH spending a LOT of money on a toy that was not being purchased for investment,but for pleasure, and has a history of poor money management. Talking about fancy hobbies or what have you seems a tad insensitive to the OP. Perhaps that is why she left</p>
<p>Don’t fear…she hasn’t left…she lurks daily for a little while then scurries off to do lots of other things.</p>
<p>She is taking a mental health day off from work today.</p>
<p>Good for you. We all need that from time to time.</p>
<p>So to be clear, a Ferrari may not be innately irrational. In the context of a family having trouble meeting other goals, and an unhappy spouse, a Ferrari is irrational.</p>
<p>^^That sums it up nicely!</p>
<p>Yes Alumother…completely agree.</p>
<p>Sometimes the newest Ipod is the ferrari…or a pair of new hockey skates.</p>
<p>The point is just to strike the appropriate balance. :)</p>
<p>the point is that both partners need toys and both partners need to be responsible. When we were first starting out, we splurged on season hockey tix, which left us with very little else to spend, extra. But it was a heck of a lot of fun to go to the games on those dates.</p>
<p>The key word in your post, poetgrl, is WE. You and your spouse decided together to splurge on hockey tix. A mutual decision is one thing (although if it is out of the budget, I’d have concerns, but that is a separate issue). A spouse making a unilateral decision on a high ticket item without the support of the spouse, especially if it is fiscally irresponsible, is another.</p>
<p>And agree with your post, alumother.</p>
<p>BTW, any update, HCP?? Whats up with you, the house and the Harley? If you use an outside contractor, perhaps it will cost a bit more, but there will be no Harley in your driveway. IMO, immediate problem solved. But, sounds like there are bigger fish to fry as well.</p>
<p>“Men buy toys to overcompensate when their own pistons fire inadequately.” </p>
<p>Or to get away from people who no longer light the flame.</p>
<p>That’s odd. You claimed, no- boasted, that any female had to accept the whole package-- the boy and his toys, or they were out like yesterday’s news. Sounds like the pilot light, if it ever worked, went out a long time ago if the toys are a necessary source of excitement.</p>
<p>Oh…of course buying a Ferrari is no big deal for those who can afford it.</p>
<p>We have friends (multi-multi- millionaires) who own 3 that are garaged for investment. But, these purchases in NO WAY negatively affect the family’s budget. </p>
<p>MY point was in response to Igloo’s post of …</p>
<p>*I guess one could keep inheritance to oneself if not spending. I don’t understand how anyone can spend it on their own. “I am buying a car twice as nice as the family car since it’s my money?” *</p>
<p>*“Men buy toys to overcompensate when their own pistons fire inadequately.” </p>
<p>Or to get away from people who no longer light the flame.*</p>
<p>Perhaps for people who are afraid of conflict and prefer to avoid the issue behind it.</p>
<p>Whatever. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>I don’t think people that are attracted to toys are necessarily trying to avoid a relationship with people, but they may be adrenaline junkies who don’t fill that need in their day to day life, so they are looking for a little something extra.</p>
<p>While</p>
<p>I think counseling is a great first step to go back a few posts & while I think getting a history is necessary, that can come out in the first few sessions rather than take up all your initial time. It can feel much more positive, to use behavior mod strategies to approach the obvious conflict & only over time, deal with the underlying issues.</p>
<p>Knowing high end car dealers well, what I’ve seen is that most owners can not afford these cars. They buy them with loans, home equity, with partners, you name it. The convince wives they are good investments. For many they represent a huge part of their net worths. In most cases I’ve seen, these men fell in love with cars as boys and it became their addiction.</p>
<p>These men have ferraris and crappy homes with kids going to cheap colleges.</p>
<p>Nice generalization, redroses, but in my experience, not really true.</p>
<p>Precisely, Alumother, spending has to be in balance with the family budget. Obviously, many people cannot afford a $300K car, but some can. For some, an expensive dinner out can blow the budget. It’s a matter of prioritization, communication and self control. But I don’t like it when people disparage what other people spend their money on simply because they wouldn’t or couldn’t buy the same thing - just thinly veiled jealousy, IMHO.</p>
<p>gourmetmom-
What about when a person spends money they can ill afford to spend? Thats what this discussion is about, not jealousy.</p>
<p>I don’t have a problem with anyone owning a high end car. My ex sold both newer and vintage ferraris and porches to buyers from all over the world. We spent considerable time at high end car auctions from Monte Carlo to Pebble Beach getting to know the community. I can only report what I saw. There were hitches in so many deals, loans that were delayed, homes that needed to be sold. Of course there were wealthy buyers who could well afford them too. But I was constantly shocked by who many of the buyers were.</p>
<p>My DH bought a very expensive sports car three years ago. He’d just turned 50. I was not too happy but it just felt as if he needed to get it out of his system. If this is a pattern of unilateral luxury spending then I’d say you need an intervention. If it’s just every now and then - well, we are not machines, we’re human and sometimes we just need to splurge a bit. </p>
<p>Moderation in all things, including moderation?</p>
<p>I guess my ex was pretty smart. When he wanted an expensive car he bought it for me, knowing I drive like a little old lady and prefer SUVs, he knew he’d get to drive it most of the time!</p>
<p>^^^ Ahhh, boomerang gifts!</p>
<p>Phone30’s situation does make me wonder what IS the right thing to do, under the circumstances. I am listed as guardian for two families in the event something unthinkable happens to the parents. Shouldn’t the surviving children be treated exactly the same way one treats one’s own children? I would expect to raise them as if they were mine and integrate them into the family, so college funds and living expenses would be split evenly among all the children. </p>
<p>So, how is it that Phone30’s husband sees fit to give more to his brother’s child while his own children are not provided for? Something about it is downright Dickensonian - we’ll give all the goodies to one, and leave the others to fend for themselves. When Phone30’s children are a bit older, this is fodder for some heavy-duty resentment amongst cousins. It is also odd that the niece’s mother is so willing to take so much, especially when the girl is now an adult. Odd that the woman’s MIL (and Phone30’s MIL) has advocated so strongly on behalf of her DIL for so many years.</p>