<p>Oldfort–I HAVE spent hours (and hours–probably a hundred) in the car with her, instructing. When she had her first accident the judge banned her from driving w/out a parent for 6 months, and we had her drive EVERYWHERE. She went through driver’s ed and driving instruction, too. </p>
<p>She is just not a “natural” and maybe doesn’t have the best depth perception!</p>
<p>I’m not going to drag this out for months, but I want her to work hard for the next few weeks. I told her she needs to wrap up the ‘payback’ before July; her current job is not giving her many hours, so this works out (and I get some big chores done!). I’m planning to be generous on the credit for the painting work. I sure would have hated doing it myself, and am tickled that we’ll have a nice fresh powder room.</p>
<p>I do think it makes her feel more grown-up to be working in return for the added cost the accident has cost. As far as being able to afford it, this is a bad time–cash flow really tight, has come at the end of a series of big, unexpected expenses. But we thankfully CAN scrape the money together. It’s all good.</p>
<p>It is interesting to see the range of opinions! Thanks all for the painting ‘ballparks’.</p>
<p>I did this to my current car two summers ago… I’d had my license two or three years by then and this was my first incident. The car is a '97 but it was new to me, it probably happened within the first few weeks of me driving it. I think I was being overly cautious, because it was new, and in my attempt to avoid getting too close to any cars, I scraped the wall instead. I did pretty darn well my first few years as a new driver, especially since I’d had very few hours behind the wheel before my road test and that first year I was driving through blizzards every day to get to work and school. But I still managed to scrape the new car! I think things like this are just a fact of life sometimes. </p>
<p>I think OP is being very fair. Personally, I don’t think it would be unreasonable to ask D to paint the bathroom even if she hadn’t scraped the car, but since she did it’s a good reminder to be more careful that isn’t a very serious punishment-- doing a little extra around the house reflects the little extra mom has to worry about the car. I still vividly remember the horribly sick feeling I got when I had to call my mom and tell her what happened! I’d have painted the whole house to get out of that one!</p>
<p>Statistics are not destiny. Just because a lot of new drivers crash does not mean that it is expected or acceptable for your new driver to crash.</p>
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<p>Driver training standards in the US are quite low. For example, a lot of drivers seem to “tailgate whenever possible”, increasing the risk of crashing. Most drivers do not seem to know how to adjust their mirrors to minimize blind spots. And most drivers do not use turn signals when approaching a turn or intending to change lanes.</p>
Compare to where? I have driven in many countries - LatAm, Europe, even Asia, and I think US drivers are more courteous and they ten to follow rules. The don’t turn left from a right lane, they will stop at a red light and wait for green light.<br>
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<p>I don’t quite understand this statement. If statiscs show more inexperenced drivers get into accidents, why wouldn’t it be expected, or at least not be surprised. Just because it happens doesn’t mean it is acceptable. Probability of people die when they get older is higher, you can accept it or not, but that is the way it is. </p>
<p>OP - when D1 got into an accident and H had a moving violation, our insurance went up by 30 or 40%. We then took an online driving course (some states allow that) over one weekend, and our insurance came down by 50%. You may want to look into that for your family.</p>
<p>I paid a young woman (starting her own painting business) $400 to paint my small bathroom. As part of the deal it included the door. She took 2 full days and did a nice job.</p>
<p>Driving standards are low in that they are not as high as they should be. Just because some other countries are worse does not mean that the US is doing that well.</p>
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<p>Just because the average new driver is an unsafe driver who crashes often does not mean that you (either as a new driver or as a relative of a new driver) should not make every effort to ensure that the new driver learns driving skills to the highest standard. Learning by crashing cars is less desirable than learning why crashes happen in the first place and how to avoid car crashes. (And some people do not seem to learn from experience – for example, drivers tailgating while driving cars with front end damage.)</p>
<p>In our family anyone who damages the car fixes the damage, not punishment, just responsibility. As a matter of fact, I know that one of my kids paid for a fender scrape to be painted and never told us, not because of punishment, but because she did not want to ruin her ‘outstanding driver’ repuation ;)</p>
<p>We must be in a different are than ya’ll, we pay our kids $10 an hour and point out that it is a great deal as it is tax free, not sure where they could go out and get a job today at $20/hour before tax part time, flexible schedule. We just chose the local wages paid and rounded UP.</p>
Of course she did (according to what the OP wrote) - she didn’t pay adequate attention while driving and caused damage to the car. It was her fault. She didn’t do it on purpose of course, which is why it’s called an ‘accident’, but it was clearly her fault. This isn’t something that happened to her where she was a victim. </p>
<p>Most car accidents are due to a driver not paying attention or not driving properly for the conditions (crowded road, curves, night, fog, snow, black ice, etc.) and in most of these cases it’s the driver’s fault even if it was accidental.</p>
<p>For me, I think I would put the emphasis on readiness to drive and safety, as opposed to the money end of things, but I can understand that others might not agree. That’s not to say that I’d never ask a child to pay toward damage done to a car. I definitely would include that requirement (among others, like no access to the car or additional supervision) if carelessness or recklessness were involved, but in the case of an inexperienced or unskilled driver, I would probably be more inclined to emphasize her readiness to be behind a wheel unsupervised in the first place.</p>
<p>Regardless of the laws in the state, there is nothing that says that parents can’t enact their own graduated driving requirements, based on maturity and ability. If I were concerned about those things I would require additional hours of supervised instruction, perhaps professional, and no solo access to the car until skills improve.</p>
That is why we have insurance. OP made the decision of not reporting it, his D didn’t.
OP’s D did make every effort to avoid a crash, but she just wasn’t experienced enough. Her parents determined she was good enough to drive on her own.</p>
<p>What if your stay home spouse had damaged a family car, would you make him/her paint the house to pay you back?</p>
<p>Just a side note, if you make a determination that someone is safe enough to drive your car (your friend, family member), and if they should get into an accident when they are driving your car, don’t be surprised if you should be liable for it.</p>
<p>paperplane, I accidently backed into a ‘friends’ car in college. Didn’t turn it in to insurance and it set me back 1400. If we were to turn it in they would have totalled her car and she didn’t have money for a new one… and I didn’t want my rates to go up for something that silly. I didn’t have 1400 at the moment, so i put it on my credit card and my parents loaned me the money. I believe I made about 10/hr that summer so after about a month I had enough money saved up and I paid my dad back, and then the rest of my earnings that summer went in my bank account.</p>
<p>Reimbursement for work changes depending on the part of the country where you’re paying. Visiting a friend on the Colorado front range, I was surprised that handyman work was in the $25 per hour range. Here in my upper Midwestern city, $40 per hour is common. My friend in DC says work here is a bargain compared to his city rates. </p>
<p>I have lots of jobs for my kids, heck any kid who wants to work for me, at less than the going rate. But in your case, paying the equivalent of professional bid for a job is kind, no matter how long it takes her. </p>
<p>Feeling the gravity of a car scrape, and making amends is not all bad. Heck, someone has to pay, and you’re paying for her mistake with your time in getting the car fixed, the money, the emotional pain of your one new car being messed up. As long as everyone is pleasant about the process, and realizes that “stuff” happens, we try to make it up to each other, and life goes on. As a mostly stay at home spouse at one point, had I expensively scraped a car, I’d have paid in some way, with forgoing a vacation, giving up a luxury.</p>
The ‘stay at home spouse’ already shares all the assets with the other spouse (usually) so there’d be no point in that person doing a payback. A kid doesn’t share all of the assets and besides, this is a time to learn - not just driving but responsibility and how big of a responsibility driving is and this is one way to help get the point across. Even if this was turned into the insurance company there’d be a deductible to pay and possibly higher premiums to pay on an ongoing basis.</p>
<p>In no way is this comparable to what the OP’s D did, but my oldest S still remembers this vividly. On the day he got his license 12 years ago, we let him take our 4 wheel drive Explorer after we got home. We reminded him no passengers, no off-roading, etc. A couple of hours later, he walked in the front door to tell me he thought there was something wrong with the car, as it was dripping “pink stuff”. Feeling a sense of dread (there is only one car fluid I can think of that is pink), I went out to look at it with him. The car was immaculately clean; cleaner than when I had given it to him. When I looked underneath to find the source of the leak, lo and behold, the entire undercarraige was covered in thick mud. To top things off, suddenly his best friend, who lived about 8 miles away in a rural area, comes walking around the corner, acting surprised to see us out in front, and stating he “just happened to be in the area”. When it all came out in the wash, it turned out our S drove out to pick up his friend, and then they went off-roading in a nearby field. He hit a stump and tore off the transmission drain cap, and then made the mistake to keep driving. By the time he got home, the car wouldn’t go another inch. My son had saved $2500 toward buying a car, and it all went to a new transmission. </p>
<p>We still use the same mechanic, and recently when I walked in, he- laughingly- told me he still uses that story to warn other parents of new drivers. He thought it was so funny! I do too at this point, but can’t tell you how upset I was at the time. My son recently told us that was the best lesson he ever learned, and thanked us for making him pay. This was our “challenge” son- just never knew what would happen next. I’m happy to report he settled down, finally made it through college, and is an engineer with a large firm. Still loves extreme sports (motorcycles, off-roading, extreme snow boarding, etc.) but after breaking another collar bone last year, he has decided that now that he is a “responsible” working adult, it is time to tone down the activities.</p>
<p>Unless the D was previously informed that she will be financially responsible for all future damage to the car while she is the driver, I wouldn’t suddenly dump the cost of repairs on her shoulders. As described by the OP, she’s a good kid and not carelessly racing through the streets. She’s not texting and driving, driving with a bunch of rowdy kids in the back seat, or drinking and driving. Her 2 small accidents seem to be from inexperience. Perhaps a better way for her to take responsibility and help to prevent further accidents is by setting her up for a few private refresher driving lessons this summer. </p>
<p>Unless financial expectations for accidents were previously discussed, I would simply accept her apology. I would give her a big hug and be thankful she’s unhurt. It’s only a car. If the estimate for repair is over $1,000, I would go through the insurance company. If it’s under $1,000, I would pay cash for the repairs.</p>
<p>I’m trying to understand this part. If I were in a “tight, tight” spot, I would be inching along so slowly, that IF I should hit something, I would know it immediately, before there was extensive damage.</p>
<p>Your daughter’s first accident occurred because she didn’t check her blind spot before changing lanes.</p>
<p>IMO you should be looking at the underlying cause(s) of these mishaps instead of worrying about how much you should be crediting her for the painting job.</p>
I guess that’s where we have a different perspective. While our kids live at home, they enjoy all privilege/luxury/pain/inconvenience as us, but once they are out on their own then they live within their means. So if we let them drive our cars and they get into an accident, then we would pay out of our available family fund and forego any luxury (like going out to eat or vacation) until it’s paid off.</p>
<p>It is interesting to read so many different viewpoints. In our family, driving is a privilege and when damage occurs due to driver error or carelessness, the responsible party does have to pay the deductible. The stay at home spouse in a such a situation, if it would never happen though it hasn’t yet, would pay by tightening the family budget and not by painting a bathroom. Hah, that idea is hilarious. Apparently in some families, driving is bestowed as a gift to children without any assumption of personal responsibility. If we had an income that has ample room for paying for careless errors then we might have a different approach. Possible but not probable.</p>
Then perhaps OP might have given the D. the choice of whether to pay to repair the damage or to pay for the increased insurance rates for as long as she continues to be on the family’s insurance. </p>
<p>Car owners typically make the decision to pay for certain damage on their own rather than make an insurance claim because it is often more cost-effective that way. My daughter was in a very minor fender-bender at age 17, her fault, and tried to work it out with the other driver, but the other driver insisted on submitting an insurance claim. Total cost of all repair work was $750. Our insurance premiums immediately went up by +$1800 per year. </p>
<p>I’m sure OP is looking at the same considerations. </p>
<p>I am amazed at the posters on this thread who seem so opposed to the OP’s very reasonable and fair response to a situation. It seems to me that the painted bathroom will do a lot to ensure that the OP won’t feel lingering resentment over the car damage (OP pays one way or another, since it is OP “paying” daughter to paint the bathroom). Since the D. is doing a great job, the bathroom will also be a source of pride for parent & child.</p>