Dropping out in your son’s situation can be harmful since he is likely to lose his merit aid award & any taste of success, like a gambler who wins big his first time out, can give him a false sense of future success.
@intparent I think so, but they are strictly online. I’ll bring this up to him as well.
@Publisher I think you hit the nail on the head. He definitely needs to hold on to that merit.
Maybe he could take a couple on-line courses during the summer and free up more time during the regular semester for strictly art.
@gouf78 Several students are doing exactly this. Too late this summer, but maybe this will work out for next summer.
Would his college permit a year leave of absence? If so, he could test the waters, and see how it goes. If he is a big success, he might decide to defer completing college…if not…he could return to his college and finish his degree.
I have been a professional copywriter for many years. I work with designers every day within the in-house agency of a large company. Yeah, we all know the value of a “day job” in my creative department 
Creatives are an interesting bunch. Sure, the portfolio matters most (this is as true for writers as it is for designers). The interview question is typically one of “what have you done?” rather than “where did you do it?” But we live in a bachelor’s degree society. Even for creatives, a bachelor’s, along with your portfolio, is more likely to get you in the door. In my department, the creative directors are more likely to interview someone with an art school degree than someone without.
Freelancing is different. Once you build a client base, that can take you places. But it can be unpredictable. The one thing that saved my on-site freelance gig when the market tanked in 2008 was that I was on-site. And I got the gig because I have a degree in journalism AND a solid portfolio.
So all this said, looking to the future, if a creative ever needs a day job (affordable health insurance, a company matched 401(k), and paid vacation time are nothing to sneeze at), having a degree will help. Yes, it can be done without a degree and a solid portfolio. But why not cover the bases and complete the degree? Doing so would actually let you have more control over your creative career. You can freelance knowing that if you needed to go client side, you have the creds to get in the door.
That’s the best I got as a rationale from someone who has been working as a creative for over 20 years.
I feel for you! We were in a similar situation last year with our son. He still dislikes college and hates his major, but we managed to convince him that when you dislike something you’ve already put so much effort into, it’s worth it to just get that degree. Otherwise, you are wasting your suffering! We are seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. His first three years, he never took anything for fun, so has completed most of his required courses. This means that his last year, he will be taking fun things like dance.
Your son’s breakup has surely influenced his entire view of his school. It will be hard for him to pass the places he went with his girlfriend without experiencing sadness. Maybe if you acknowledge this repeatedly and remind him that he can create new memories to sort of “re-sanctify” old ground, he will come to terms with his loss and be able to continue there.
@InfiniteWaves I am sharing this with my son right now!! Thank you very much!
@Massmomm
ugh. You got me going with the tears here. After almost 2 years, I also grew to love this young lady, but her mental health is what caused her to return home. They were still in love and decided that long distance wasn’t going to work for them. Now they can’t even speak to each other because it’s too painful. But that story is very long and possibly should be in a whole other thread.
“He may need the degree that get promoted or hired in the future. Sure, he can make money in the short run, but it could curtail his earning later. Occasionally someone has a lightening hot business idea that may need to get to market right away and it may make sense to drop out to pursue it. But outside of that, I’d tell him to finish the degree. It is a LOT harder to finish it when you are older with kids, mortgage, etc. Now is the time.”
This - I hire graphic designers and if there is no degree the portfolio doesn’t even get looked at. Doesn’t matter how good it might be. (Not my rule, but I have to follow it and there is no gray area).
@samsamg — there is a bias in answers here, because you are asking on the parents’ forum of a college site, which means that you have walked into a room full of parents overly obsessed with their children’s college choices and progress. (Because if weren’t we never would have ended up here in the first place). You might get very different answers if you were posing questions on an online forum full of graphical or digital artists. Not because there are right and wrong answers, but life perspectives may be different.
I don’t know what is best for your son – but I do know that as parents we need to listen to what our young adult children are willing to share, give them our best advice when they are willing to listen, but also respect the choices they make.
When my son left college #1 he did so taking a leave of absence, preserving his ability to go back – but I didn’t know the whole story at the time. If I had, I would know he would never go back. He also had some merit aid, which of course he “lost” – but since he later completed his degree at an in-state public, his last two years cost considerably less than college #1 with aid would have cost in any event. So while merit aid is nice, hanging on to it is only relevant in the context of that particular college.
During the three years my son was out of college, I hardly ever saw him – he wasn’t living at home, his work took him to a lot of different places, and even when he was nearby, he was usually too busy for family time. But when I did see him, he was happier than I had ever known him – he had found his passion, he had matured, and I think he relished his independence and self-sufficiency.
And when he went back to school, he ended up the beneficiary of an incredible, life-changing opportunity that he won in a competitive setting with other students. He got that in large part because of the experiences he brought to the table from his three-year hiatus in the work world. And at college #2 he was majoring in something much more practically suited to his life goals. So 5 years down the line, when he had both a degree in hand and an impressive resume … he was that much more employable, the degree was that much more valuable.
But during my son’s hiatus from school – when I was seeing him so happy and growing and maturing so much, and loving the person I saw him becoming — I kept getting negative feedback from all sorts of other adults. Everyone emphasizing the importance of the degree, everyone quite sure that he would never go back to school, telling me how much harder it gets over time. The exact same thing that so many parents are telling you here.
So reading this forum I am seeing echoes of the same thing that I was hearing at the time my son was making the choices that would shape his life. I am very sure in hindsight that he is far better off for those choices – bottom line it led in a direction I could not have foreseen, but gave him opportunities that never would have arisen but for those choices.
So I am not advocating one thing or another, except for parental openness and respect. You are not your son and what is best for him may not be what is best for everyone else or what others perceive as best.
I have some more comments that I’m putting in a different post because the last one is so long:
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The girlfriend thing. You said that you were very fond of your son’s girlfriend but that she left school due to mental health problems. Please keep in mind that a romantic entanglement with a person with mental health problems can be incredibly draining. While your son’s breakup might be emotionally distressful, it could also be liberating. You and others are seeing this choice as possibly running away from the pain of the breakup. But it is also possible that your son has been freed to think about his own needs and desires for the first time, instead of being absorbed in trying to support and meet the needs of a young woman who was probably very needy as their relationship progressed.
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You wrote, " we won’t be forcing him to continue if he is completely miserable". “Completely miserable” should not be the standard — nor should “forcing him” be an option at all. Your son has not come to you expressing unhappiness with his school – he has come to you expressing enthusiasm over what he now perceives as his next step in life. He has not told you he is running away from something that makes him unhappy, but rather running toward something he thinks provides a better opportunity. Of course, his desire to do something else obviously reflects some level of dissatisfaction as to his current status … but you might try flipping the scenario. Rather than “completely miserable” at college, how will he feel if he foregoes the opportunity to work full time right now? Is there actually a short-term opportunity on the table he would be giving up? (For example, he might have been offered attractive contract work for a client he doesn’t want to pass up.)
You are framing staying in school to complete the degree as being now-or-never … and he may very well be framing the near-future work opportunity as being now-or-never. Neither is correct – he can always earn a degree later, he can always set up his own graphic design business later. But it is true that one option may be more easy to replicate in the future than another.
I’d note that although I supported my son personally & emotionally when he left school – I did not support him financially. He did live at home for a few months so I was giving him a bed and sharing food – but that didn’t last long. And I was very clear at the outset about the limits & conditions tied to his living at home. So where your son plans to live and how he plans to support himself are important parts of his plans. He’s a young adult and if he is working, should be able to provide for himself. If, for example, he asks you to lend him money for his business startup expenses, and you tell him no – that is not a case of your denying him his dream or forcing him back to school. It is just a “welcome to adulthood” moment that may or may not already be factored into his plans. So if by “forcing” you were thinking in terms of whether to withdraw financial support, then your first step might be to clarify mutual expectations as to finances.
I wrote a letter to my son laying out the financial stuff – and then sat with him and read over it together. It was short & to the point. I wasn’t trying to scare him or push him. I just didn’t want there to be any misunderstanding or mistaken expectations down the line, nor any cause for a rift between us over money.
@calmom I’ve been reading your posts with interest and think you’ve made some excellent points that other parents might not readily consider. The issue that keeps sticking out to me, though, is OP said that her son receives significant merit aide that is making obtaining a degree feasible without loans. I’m very curious whether this is a unique opportunity, or whether it’s likely that he’d get another scholarship if he were to switch schools or come back to this school later. My uninformed thought is he probably wouldn’t get as good of a scholarship, so if he leaves school and later decides to continue his studies, he will incur a substantially larger financial burden which would have very real consequences to how he can live his life in the future. Sure, this isn’t mom’s decision, but i think mom is right to point out different factors and their weights.
Great posts @calmom
My oldest finished college at 33. Youngest is 1/2 way done at 25. Life goes on.
Would be interested to hear again from above posters whose kids quit, worked and then returned. What advice would those kids give?
@calmom, I’ve also have conversations going with some experienced artists/designers on Reddit. So I really am trying to see the journey some of these individuals have taken to get where they are now in the design field. Most all say, “Finish school, get the degree.” Some have made it without, but had startup money or really great connections to get them started. One regrets completely not finishing school and knows he won’t go back. Another messaged me he wished his parents had pushed for him to graduate. I realize this is just a sample of people (redditors) and that they don’t represent the entire population. And maybe I did come here to CC to hear from parents who have kids in college because I’d find backup for my own internal thoughts. But, your input has also given me a lot to think over. I asked for advice and experiences and I appreciate someone who can share what they’ve been through and the journey your own child has experienced (is experiencing).
I said the comment about “totally miserable” because not everything in life is pleasant all the time. Some courses seem unnecessary, but are required. Being unhappy is one thing. Being depressed and unmotivated is completely different. Maybe I could’ve worded that better. I also said “I won’t be forcing him,” meaning just that, I won’t be forcing him. I will never force him. He knows he can quit if he really wants to. He was curious what our support would look like.
He doesn’t have a full time gig lined up, but wants to start doing more freelance work than he has been. My gut tells me he needs to finish his degree now and continue doing side jobs as he is able. This summer (of working) will tell us what his gut says.
Thanks again!
Our S left college halfway through junior year (3.5 years ago.) Very bright kid, hated college. I echo Calmom’s post #29. I don’t have time to share his whole story, but he’s employed full-time with a great employer, AND also teaching certification classes in his field (he’s a paramedic.) Ironically, one of the classes he is teaching is on the campus of the U he left! He is taking community college courses online as his schedule permits towards his associates degree in Emergency Services, and then he’ll move on to his bachelors. But his teaching position has slowed down that process - which is ok, because his current career path is not dependent on it and he is making his own mark in his vocation. But as Calmom said, the most important thing is how happy he is and how much he is enjoying his work. It was hard to accept that he was not pursuing the traditional academic path, but we supported him 100% as long as he had a solid plan and stuck with it, and we’re glad we did. Keep the lines of communication open and ask a lot of questions about what matters to him and how he plans to achieve it. The biggest hurdle for us was just letting go of the college “dream” (and explaining that to people), but that’s all water under the bridge now. We are so proud of what he has accomplished!
Part of getting a degree is showing you can put up with some stuff you’d rather not do. Guess what employers want you to do? Put up with at least some stuff you’d rather not do. It is a sign of self discipline to finish the degree. If he’s really miserable, then I can see it. If he’s just chafing at a few classes he’d rather not take, I’d encourage him to stick it out.
I still wonder…can he take a leave of absence from his current school? If so, this would give him the year to do what he thinks he can do…and you know…it could be a huge success.
But it will also give him the space to decide if he really wants to go back to this college.
I’d inquire about a LOA.
I agree with the comments that there’s “dropping out” and there’s “taking a gap” or leave of absence
If OP’s son is so inclined, he will go back when the drive is there. It may not matter to him that he’s at the same art college, he could complete the degree where he can afford it. Some kids need the break to self-assess.
I did. I took a semester off at the start of junior year, had had a great, life-changing summer adventure and the prospect of going back to my small college seemed utterly boring. What I learned was that being back home, without the degree and with limited $, was worse. I returned to my college, never looked back, eventually went to grad school. My brother took several semester breaks and also graduated, got a masters. Our breaks didn’t ruin our lives.
But we weren’t graphic artists (I would have liked to be, but that’s another tale. And college was a lot less expensive back then.) If he’s working some now, in the field, why not suggest he ask those employers their thoughts? How about asking him to do an ardent search this summer (not just a summer job) and see the reactions to the incomplete degree?
There will be companies that expect a degree, and others that don’t. He may find the equivalant of full time work. But even if he does, what may happen in time is that his future promotion prospects or management opps and salary are limited without the degree. It depends.
But there’s the rub, a big one, as far as my opinion goes: making the decision to quit in a period of great stress and unhappiness is probably unwise. If he’s unhappy enough, why not start with the suggestion of a semester LOA and the expectation that he does find a job (art jobs are fine) and, if he lives at home, he’s expected to contribute some modest rent and continue to share house responsibilities?
And my son walked away from financial aid that made a very expensive private school affordable – but ended up graduating without debt from an in-state public where tuition was a lot cheaper. He saved up enough money from working to pay his expenses for his junior year; and he got so much combined aid his senior year from a fellowship, merit award, and at full Pell grant he was then eligible for as an independent student that his combined financial aid significantly exceeded his COA.
The OP didn’t say that the son had a full ride – only an offer sufficient to make the college affordable. I found that when my son quit college it freed up assets. I had money in savings bonds earmarked for my son’s education that would have been cashed out if he had continued in college #1, but didn’t need to do that. Now it’s 15 years down the line and those bonds have continued to grow and are worth more than twice as much what their cash value would have been at that time.
Money is fungible. It can be applied to one thing or another or re-allocated.
@samsang - perhaps your son will be swayed by the feedback of the redditors who wish they had completed their degree. Or perhaps not. There is a saying, “college is wasted on the young” – and certainly with my son that was true. Perhaps he could have toughed things out and completed that degree, but it wasn’t as valuable a degree as the one he eventually got, when he returned to school as a more mature & experienced young adult.
Of course, your son is a different person, with different goals, and different reasons for leaving … and a different future ahead of him. But life is a journey and sometimes that journey involves detours.
DS called earlier and said he went out with a group of friends (all students from his school, but different majors) and they discussed school, instructors, classes, degrees, and work. After speaking with his peers, he seems to want to finish out the next 2 years and graduate. I asked him if he wanted to stay there to finish and he was kind of offended. He said he really likes his school and friends and wouldn’t think of going someplace else. He was reminded by his friends that his school has really good internship connections and networking opportunities. A friend who is a senior said that the advanced level courses are much more challenging. I think this appealed to him because yesterday he gave me the feeling that he knew all he needed to know about GD.
He seemed just as excited tonight as he did yesterday. He is still bummed to have to take classes unrelated to his major. I told him those classes teach other skills like critical thinking, writing, and communication, which are needed in any career where you are working with people.
Now I feel like I freaked out over nothing. Sure didn’t feel like that yesterday. The summer has just begun though. Who knows what lies ahead? I will keep you all updated.
Thank you all so much for your input and responses. I hope this thread will help others in a similar situation.