Our son wants to drop out of college

Parent Cafe
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DS (20) wants to drop out of school and work freelance as a graphic designer. My son and I met for lunch today and he was very excited and happy to share his news with me. He said, “Mom, I want to quit school and go to work as a graphic designer.” My heart sank. He attends a small art college and will be a junior this fall. He is at the top of his class and does graphic design work on the side regularly. His major is graphic design.

I responded by asking him why he is in such a hurry to work. He is fortunate to have no student loans and a decent merit amount. I told him the discussion isn’t completely closed, but I am 90% sure he should get his degree. I think he really only wants to take graphic design courses and is tired of the liberal arts courses. He feels he has learned enough to be successful in the field.

He just had a very bad breakup in May and his gf moved back home to London. I’m not sure how much this is influencing his current thought process, but the breakup might be playing a role.

We left the conversation open for future discussion. He seemed to be coming around to my insistence that a degree shows commitment and that employers are more apt to hire a college graduate over someone who has “some college.” He said he wants to see how much money he can make this summer.

I know I am all over the place here, but I am honestly shocked right now.

Any advice and/or experience with this matter is greatly appreciated.

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hugs
mine hated school. He managed :open_mouth: to get his GF pg when he was almost 21. Even before that I felt
as if I was pushing a boulder uphill. Even after they married and had the baby I kept pushing and he did
get a BS. Now his wife is pushing for a MA for him as their situation is that it would be almost free.
She is in medical school, 4th year. G’son is 6. They are doing great but I am still holding my breathe.
I see the future even when no ones else does. All I can say is that I was relentless. That he needed a BS
was non negotiable. Fortunately his FIL was of my mindset. He did fine with a hands on school, But it was
loads of emotional work!
S had also just had a horrible breakup.

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@samsamg As a parent, I can only imagine that stinks to hear. I came across this article that I read was a creative approach to making his parents happy when he mentioned dropping out http://observer.com/2018/02/drop-out-of-college-no-risk-education-mentors-y-combinator/ :

I will venture to say that your sons happiness and well being is most important to you. As you mention he had a very bad breakup and that can be really rough. Really. Rough. Sometimes people don’t articulate those feelings that linger long after everyone else has gotten past the break up. Counseling before any major life decisions may be an excellent option.

Hang in there.He hasnt dropped out yet and remember there are worse things than dropping out. I wonder how the conversation went when Bill Gates told his parents he was dropping out?
Be well. This too shall pass.

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I feel for you and it must have been hard to take in.

He has his whole life to work, he may not have a similar opportunity to learn for the sake of learning any more. Two years goes by very fast. A degree will him down the road in his career. An employer would absolutely ask why he didn’t finish his degree. He has a nice merit aid to help him with college costs, he may not get it again. A degree would give him more options in the future. There is no need to grow up so fast, be a student, enjoy what the school has to offer, there is plenty of time to make money later.

You mentioned your son is going to a small school. He may be tired of the environment, especially if it reminds him of his ex where ever he goes. Would he consider studying abroad or at another school for a semester/yr? I went to a small LAC, by the time I was a junior I was ready to leave and that’s why I didn’t encourage my kids to go to a small school.

If he is set on leaving, maybe he would consider a gap year instead of leaving completely. It would give him some time to reconsider and he wouldn’t lose his merit aid.

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Hugs. More hugs.

He will have a huge uphill road in front of him. In this day and age of computer job application screening, many resumes will be tossed out of the pile just because there is no college degree listed, no matter how solid his other credentials might be.

6

My son dropped out of college at age 20, after his sophomore year. Different reasons… but bottom line it happened and in hindsight, it was a good decision on his part. College #1 wasn’t giving him what he needed.

He worked for 3 years, then transferred to a state regional public, got his degree, worked a few more years, then returned to school for his master’s. Not having a degree at age 22 was not a problem-- he had a good job and within a short period worked himself up to a position where he was hiring & supervising others with degrees. At that age, any job he had would pretty much have been entry level, with or without a degree.

When he did get his degree at age 25, he had the advantage of several years of work experience under his belt, and immediately got a job he was very happy with. Since that time he has earned a master’s degree.

It was his own path and some things went very well, some not so well… that’s life.

Here is what I think I did right – and which was important.

I had a serious conversation with my son about my expectations for the future & his responsibilities. No judgment or pressure, because it wasn’t about him – it was about me. (What I was willing to do in terms of financial support for a young adult who was not in college). This also included a financial overview & an indication of expenses he had to think about. And being very clear about what he could & could not expect from me for college expenses in the future.

My son has been continually self-supporting since age 20, and there was a lot of maturation that happened during the time he was working before he returned to school.

So I know it is can definitely be a shock to a parent when a kid makes this sort of announcement, but this is not a forever choice. And in the end, it has to be your son’s decision – not what you are 90% sure of… but what he believes is best for him. But you don’t have to subsidize that decision either.

If your son is at the top of his class at a small art college, it’s possible that he is finding that his particular college is falling short of serving his needs. That is, perhaps he doesn’t feel that he is learning enough of value there, and frustrated by a sense that being at college is holding him back. Maybe down the line a different college or degree program would better serve his needs, and that is something he may learn along the way through work experience.

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@oregon101 I feel that way as well. I see the future and my son does not. He is so young. He is super optimistic that he is going to be successful. I believe he will be as well, but after he graduates!!

@Meddy that is a really interesting article. You are right, there are way worse things than dropping out!

@oldfort he actually loves the campus, small class size and individual attention. I think he is just having a crisis of some sort and maybe he does need a semester break. Studio classes are 6 hours long. He usually has 4 of those and 2 liberal arts courses each semester. Plus homework that requires creativity after a long day. It is a lot! Art school is not as easy as most people think. I think I’ll have him meet with the graphic design chair to discuss his options.

Thank you all!

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@calmom Wow! Thanks for your input. I knew I would get many perspectives by posting here. I will definitely take to heart what you have shared. Ironically, this is how I obtained my degree. I’d go to school, then quit to work, then return while still working and repeat. I was 31, married and had a one year old when I got my BA. I also paid for all my classes and graduated with only one small loan.

I really should think of his needs right now and not squash his dreams completely. He says he will be showing us his business plan when we all sit down to further discuss his future.

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He may need the degree that get promoted or hired in the future. Sure, he can make money in the short run, but it could curtail his earning later. Occasionally someone has a lightening hot business idea that may need to get to market right away and it may make sense to drop out to pursue it. But outside of that, I’d tell him to finish the degree. It is a LOT harder to finish it when you are older with kids, mortgage, etc. Now is the time.

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Business plan? It sounds like your son wants to set up his own business rather than getting a job working for another agency. If that’s the case, he may actually want to shift his course of study down the line. Perhaps rather than studio art classes, he would do a lot better to be taking business courses such as marketing or finance – so one option down the line for him might be to attend school part-time while working full-time.

I’m not suggesting that you try to push him in that direction – just recognize that it is another option and a direction he might choose to go. Because if his goal is to work as a freelancer or establish his own agency, he’ll be his own boss and whether or not he has a degree won’t matter much in the short term. But he might realize over time that there are gaps in his knowledge and skills on the non-creative end of running one’s own business.

I was just speculating – so I think the most important thing is to listen to what your son tells you, both to what he says and to the emotion behind it. If he is enthused and excited about his plan, maybe the very best thing is to run with it for now. Because this could be the path he is meant to take. Or not – but perhaps the best way for him to learn is to go with his plan and learn from his experiences, good or bad.

If it is possible, encourage him to do whatever he needs to do with his college to assure that he can return, unless he feels strongly that the current college is no longer meeting his needs. He can probably arrange to take time off without completely closing the door on coming back in a year or two. His perspective as to what he wants and what direction he wants to go in might change over time and with experience.

Young people grow and evolve. Sometimes the college choice they make at age 18 is enough to carry them through. But sometimes the college that seemed perfect for the 18-year-old turns out to be the wrong place for the 20-year-old.

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I would keep pushing all I could. If in the end he drops out, then I would support him at that point and help him any way you can. But until then, I’d be talking myself blue.

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Would he consider going taking the minimum credit hours to keep his full time status and merit aid with more time to free lance on the side?

It’s easy to see - for now - that his skills can land him a job and make $$$. But at some point when he needs to go up against someone else for a prime position - that may not be freelance or even that is - a degree may just be a piece of paper but it is often one that earns respect from potential employers - and work mates.

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I would acknowledge that this change of heart might be due to the breakup with girlfriend. Try to guide him to talk about what he is going through (not easy, I admit), to see if you can at least plant the seed that this sudden change may be due to the breakup. It is said one should not make any major life decisions for at least six months after a major life change.

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Does his college offer a study away option where students can attend a different college someplace for a year or semester? If so…is it too late for him to apply for this for this year? Some schools offer this.

OR would the school work with him to set up a co-op option?

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My husband is in a different field than graphic art but he hires artists strictly on portfolio. I don’t think he even knows who has a degree or not.

But he is brutally honest at the portfolio evaluations. Too many people display a not great piece because they like an aspect of it or emotionally are connected to it. Only display the very cream of the art. Don’t shoot yourself in the foot by showing anything thing that is less than spectacular.

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What a tough situation as a parent! I would encourage him to stay on a track to get a degree - especially when part of it is being paid by merit scholarship. I would also try to help him think through alternatives to being in school that might be palatable. This might be a gap year, an internship for a semester, or study abroad. If you could frame each one of these things in the context of how it advanced his education rather than how it was a substitute, for it it might help. I think that having a degree is ultimately important as is developing his talent. Hugs to you. Keep listening! !

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The thing is, right now, it sounds fairly easy for him to stay in college and finish his degree. It’s really a no-brainer, unless there are serious problems with the school (sounds like there aren’t), or there is something pressing that he has to do right now.

It’s very likely that not having a degree will hold him back, prevent promotions, or close some doors for him. I realize that college is not for everyone, and there are people who learn skills or have jobs that do just fine without it. But it doesn’t sound like he is struggling at all, it’s not a misery for him…and he’s half way there!

I have seen it happen that someone does not finish their degree, and decides to finish it later in life. It is so much harder when you are raising a family and working full time. It took a family member of mine 20 years to finish a degree. It was a struggle. Difficult to do in the evening after work, when she wanted to rest and relax, and be with her family. I think she felt the lack it held her back from promotions, and when she finally got the degree, she faced age discrimination. It is so much easier for him to finish it right now, he will be happy he did. Maybe take a short break if needed. You have the rest of your life to work. :open_mouth:

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Withdrawing in good standing is not permanent. Many colleges are lenient about readmission after gaps. But merit scholarships may be less lenient.

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No sleep for me last night!! Thank you all so much. Although we will be pushing hard for him to stay in school, we won’t be forcing him to continue if he is completely miserable. I think he can power through the boredom of his liberal arts courses, which to me are taught much better at this school than a traditional university. The writing and science courses are tailored to be useful to the artists at this campus. However, I’m going to have him check with the school and see what happens with his merit if he leaves for a semester and if they offer study abroad in the spring (they do every summer).

Lots to discuss with him. I’ll keep you all updated!

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Is there any option to take a few business courses instead? If he intends to freelance, he might incorporate or join with some others to form a company at some point. Some basic accounting, business law, marketing, etc might be helpful. But maybe it is not an option at his current school.