<p>Is there a place where we can send our BIL where he can be locked up at night and during the day be supervised while sharing his tile installing talents to help others. </p>
<p>There really doesn’t seem to be any hope for him to be rehabilitated so we need to find a way to keep him and others safe. He has a habit of taking cars and getting arrested for DUI which lands him in jail. Post jail he usually is sober for about a year. Just long enough to get a job, steal from his employer and find a way to drive again. </p>
<p>Our hearts are heavy, but the last few times he has been getting belligerent and has figured out how to show up when only the women or kids are at home. There are no family members left who have not been lied to, taken advantage of or stolen from. BIL has been in and out of detox, rehab and jail since he was 16. (now 50) </p>
<p>All avenues of rehab, medication and therapy have been exhausted. We do not want him to hurt himself or God forbid - anyone else. </p>
<p>Do you still want him in your life at all? At this point I would probably change our phone numbers/locks and file a restraining order to keep him away, especially if he is belligerent and cannot be rehabbed. Not to mention the liabilty if he gets a hold of a family member’s car and kills someone with it.</p>
<p>Kajon - Just wanted to say I’m sorry to hear about your predicament. My uncle drank himself to death. My Dad tried everything to help his brother … nothing worked. I do think Al-Anon might be your best resource at this point. Good luck.</p>
<p>As an adult child of alcoholics I agree with the suggestion to try al anon or other therapy sessions for adults trying to deal with relatives drinking. I went many years ago for a short period of time and learned to let go of that I have no control over. </p>
<p>Back to your original question, I don’t know anyplace like what you are talking about.</p>
<p>I am so sorry to hear that your family is dealing with this.</p>
<p>I agree that a restraining order is warranted since he has figured out how to show up when he knows when only women and kids are home.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t think that he’d be safe to ever have in one’s home…he’d likely steal money, car keys, whatever.</p>
<p>the one thing that we all hear over and over is that addicts lie, lie, lie…so you can never trust whatever promises they make or whatever stories that they tell. </p>
<p>No advice, Kajon, only sympathy. We had similar issues with my FIL. Respite came only when he crashed his last car, spent all his money, ran off all his friends, and was unable to get liquor anymore…</p>
<p>Kajon, your desire to help your BIL while still protecting your own family is admirable. However, alcoholism is a physical and mental disease; you are powerless over it. Try to understand that you did not cause it, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it.</p>
<p>You can’t help your BIL. What you can do is emotionally support his spouse and get her to understand that she may need to officially break away from him despite her love for him.</p>
<p>If he gets into the car drunk and injures or kills someone because of it, she can lose everything------her house, savings, his future earnings, etc. If she stays married to him, she needs to be aware that anything they own together is fair game if he gets sued for causing harm to others.</p>
<p>Focus on the spouse, not the BIL. Living with an alcoholic is like living your life on an emotional rollercoaster.
There comes a time when you need someone (perhaps you can be this person) to be reminded that his problems are his to own. Remind her that sometimes it’s best to focus on self-preservation and this may mean cutting the ties that bind.</p>
<p>*What you can do is emotionally support his spouse and get her to understand that she may need to officially break away from him despite her love for him.</p>
<p>This happened to love ones we know as well. The alcoholic died of drinking complications but it was very sad for all those who knew and loved her. It is a very tough situation, especially when the alcoholic isn’t interested in really making any changes.</p>
<p>He is divorced and is currently living with his mom (he is my H’s baby brother). The living arrangement was a win win for a few months, but this morning was the last straw for mom. She called here early in the morning to speak to my H. I could hear the stress in her voice as she simply wanted reassurance that she had done the correct thing by calling the police and having him removed from the house when he came home drunk last night. I have never in my life met a more gracious and gentle woman - so it must have been pretty bad to push her over the edge.</p>
<p>Those of you who have been through this know the routine. The charm, the lies, the blaming of everyone and everything for his problem, sober, drunk, sober, drunk, stressful holidays, pain and suffering of loved ones. </p>
<p>That is why I asked if there is or should be sometime of government program where the hopeless ones can be locked up, but where the utilization of their talents could pay for their incarceration. Now I understand where the whole prisoners making license plates concept began. I just found out he has had SEVEN DUI’s and still manages to find ways to drive. He says he gets some special work permit to drive, but next time I am going to call the police and have this verified.</p>
<p>Thank you for listening and for the kind words. While it is true that his siblings and their families have suffered, it is his mother that I truly feel sorry for. I cannot imagine her pain.</p>
It is a very tough situation, especially when the alcoholic isn’t interested in really making any changes.</p>