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<p>I completely agree. This is like putting a woman who has experienced a stillbirth or a miscarriage in a maternity ward filled with happy mothers and babies.</p>
<p>To say the invitees were insensitive is being kind, imo.</p>
<p>Very strange about the women who insisted on bringing their H’s to a widow’s B-day party when “no H’s” was requested.</p>
<p>A dear friend of mine was widowed very young by a drowning tragedy. We used to socialize as couples, but then started doing “just girls” except for the times that SHE wanted to socialize with H and me. My H was her H’s best friend, so she liked it when the 3 of us got together and she could chat about “old times” and we could all cry together. But, we would never have had several couples join us to socialize while she was a single…that would have been cruel. </p>
<p>Later, she remarried a wonderful man and now we do some “girls only” stuff, and some “couples” stuff. </p>
<p>To insist on bringing H’s to this widow’s B-day party suggests to me that the sensitivity gene is sorely lacking in that social group. When one of these gals becomes a widow, maybe then she’ll “get it” and share her new sensitivity with the others.</p>
<p>There are times in my life I just completely don’t understand other people. It’s as if i was absent the day they taught this lesson. This is one of those times.</p>
<p>Okay, just finished doing all my ironing, and all I could think about was this poor widow. I just want to wrap my arms around her. I sure hope she has a support system.</p>
<p>Me too! What a shame her “friends” didn’t care about her feelings. Yes, it would have been better to have correct invitations go out originally, but mistakes happen, and this was an understandable amendment.</p>
<p>This is nothing like uninviting a person to a party because you don’t like them, and sent them an invitation by accident. In that case, you just have to be a gracious host. But a widow changing the format of the party…poor thing.</p>
<p>I really don’t think it’s that difficult to understand the birthday situation. The key here is empathy. Imagine yourself the widow. To be offended that the invitation was amended considering the circumstances is petty and bringing husbands despite the request is a bit passive aggressive.</p>
<p>I really feel for her too. She’s grieving, and this is what she has for friends? Sad.</p>
<p>“bringing husbands despite the request is a bit passive aggressive.”</p>
<p>I’d call it aggressive aggressive.</p>
<p>speaking for my wife, she would be thrilled…speaking for myself, I would be thrilled to not have to go.</p>
<p>Toblin, I’m afraid that we are rather piling on you. Perhaps this was a case where you just had to be there in order to understand why people reacted as they did.</p>
<p>Me too! What a shame her “friends” didn’t care about her feelings. Yes, it would have been better to have correct invitations go out originally, but mistakes happen, and this was an understandable amendment.</p>
<p>Exactly, who among us wouldn’t have said, “hey, they should have just let us know and not worry that the original invite needed changing. We’re friends, so we don’t care that an invite isn’t perfect…that’s not the point of the party.”</p>
<p>Honestly, who are these people. They need to be slapped upside the head.</p>
<p>I think geeps speaks the truth for many men 
lol</p>
<p>“I think geeps speaks the truth for many men”</p>
<p>That’s for sure. The guys were probably all thinking, “Dang, I didn’t want to go anyways!”</p>
<p>“Toblin, I’m afraid that we are rather piling on you. Perhaps this was a case where you just had to be there in order to understand why people reacted as they did.”</p>
<p>I generally don’t like piling on, whether I agree or not. But in this case, it didn’t sound like Toblin was involved, but we are piling on the ladies who will never read this anyways. And it does seem that there has to be more to the story, which is why I’d wondered if people disliked the widow for some reason.</p>
<p>Actually, I feel like I’m going to face this situation myself … We are a group of 6 couples who typically spend every New Year’s Eve together (a mini slumber party) and have done so for 20+ years as everyone’s schedule permits … And with my girlfriend dying, it might feel weird for her grieving husband to be with all of us as couples with her gone. We might have to rethink what we do this year while the wound is fresh.</p>
<p>^ That is tricky as he may not want to left out and will need some support on the one hand, but on the other hand it may be too painful for him to go. Perhaps one person should speak to him ahead of time to find out his wishes.</p>
<p>*Actually, I feel like I’m going to face this situation myself … We are a group of 6 couples who typically spend every New Year’s Eve together (a mini slumber party) and have done so for 20+ years as everyone’s schedule permits … And with my girlfriend dying, it might feel weird for her grieving husband to be with all of us as couples with her gone. We might have to rethink what we do this year while the wound is fresh.
*</p>
<p>PG
We faced this after we lost my H’s best friend. We had always spent New Year’s Eve together as a group of couples. Since we were the couple that was closest to this couple, we asked the widow what she preferred. We didn’t know if she would prefer spending that time with her family (her parents and siblings since her kids were babies). She preferred to just spend the night at our home, and the 3 of us spent the evening together (we put our four little ones to bed early). At that point, she had been widowed for 3 months. </p>
<p>PG, does this man have older kids? Would they want to be together that night? When it gets closer to New Years, someone may want to gently ask him what he prefers. Is this a get-together where the women mostly chat in one room, while the men are watching football or talking in the other room?</p>
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<p>I so completely disagree that these women “rightly” took their stance. What a bunch of creeps. Seriously.</p>
<p>Honestly, to me, that statement (“all the women rightly took their stance” ) was the most confusing and troubling in this.</p>
<p>Pizzagirl, I think the key in your situation is his wishes. Does he want everything to go on as normal, does he want to opt out, does he want to do something different (if the party was always a dress up and champaign at midnight thing, maybe this year beer an pizza?). Ask him what he thinks will work – and then don’t be surprised if it is still hard for him.</p>