<p>To follow on the awards from earlier, I think we’ve found the coldest guests.</p>
<p>This is not exactly a “guest request” story…but:</p>
<p>I was Spring Rush chair at my fraternity during my junior year.</p>
<p>One of our biggest Rush events was the Super Bowl party.</p>
<p>I ordered Gumby’s in Madison – some ridiculous deal like two 16" two-topping pizzas for $12… times ten for us. So twenty huge pizzas. I ordered them at like 11 am.</p>
<p>So… from about 3:00 local time on (Central), one of my brothers decided to constantly remind me that the pizza hadn’t been delivered yet.</p>
<p>“Tom, where’s the pizza?”</p>
<p>“Tom, where’s the pizza?”</p>
<p>“Tom, where’s the pizza?”</p>
<p>I wanted to punch him silly and scream into his face that I had ordered them hours before and that the fact that they were not being munched on was not my fault. A reasonable person would expect a large pizza order to be filled within four freaking hours.</p>
<p>Or … ask him if he’s like to go out and get us some burgers, since he was clearly the only one b1tching about it. “If you can do better, go ahead…”</p>
<p>I called Gumby’s probably 5-10 times from about 2pm-4pm… “Okay, what’s up?” “Sorry, sir, we’re doing the best we can.”</p>
<p>So was I.</p>
<p>What did he want me to do… make the pizzas myself? </p>
<p>It sucks when people (a close friend nonetheless…) can’t get their heads around the fact that you cannot control the ability of others to give you what you want and what (frankly) you should expect to receive in a timely manner.</p>
<p>This was among my first experiences learning that those without responsibility do not understand what it takes to get things done.</p>
<p>When the pizza did arrive, minutes before kickoff, I fought off the urge to cram a slice down his throat. hehe</p>
<p>"…nobody likes the widow, they think she is better off with the spouse dead, something." </p>
<p>If they did not like her, I don’t think they would be going to her birthday dinner and the post did specify birthday. </p>
<p>“No group of people are that uncaring.”</p>
<p>This group seems to be and toblin obviously does not get it.</p>
<p>…and what’s up with these husbands? They knew that they were uninvited and still went?
Most guys would have been relieved they didn’t have to go…especially if they knew they were not wanted…strange story</p>
<p>Do we know the husbands knew they were uninvited? I’m not clear about that. I know the wives refused to attend without their hubbies, but that doesn’t say to me that the husbands knew. Many social invitations for couples are communicated through the wives. So the wives may have put their stake in the ground without the husbands knowing. That would fit. Wives who say they are not attending without their husband, would also likely take care of that behind the scenes without their husbands knowing.</p>
<p>I agree there is more to the story. I’m trying to figure out what it is, and Toblin is not very forthcoming with information. It is most likely she is one of the wives who attended the party with her husband. </p>
<p>I’m trying to think of a situation where I might get caught up in this kind of mean and nasty behavior, and the only thing I can think of is if the widow wasn’t respected by the others in the group, and hasn’t been for a long time, but the rest of the group hasn’t felt comfortable severing the relationship, so they are just cold and calloused towards her.</p>
<p>Toblin, I really want to believe, as you do, that your behavior was acceptable, but so far, you haven’t shared enough to warrant that belief.</p>
<p>There is a possibility you are correct FMTM. If that is the case, widow is the scapegoat.</p>
<p>Even if the widow did frame her request in the cited manner, and even if her husband had died a few years before, the mere fact that she asked for this simple favor on her birthday reveals that she had probably been gritting her teeth and attending group get-togethers where she probably felt like a third wheel and was constantly reminded of the absence of her husband and JUST THIS ONCE wanted NOT to feel that way at a social event. And those *****es wouldn’t do it. If she did frame her request in a flip way, don’t you think that it masked pain? She wasn’t talking about “not having one” as if a husband were an accessory one would bring to a party like a handbag!</p>
<p>Ye gods. I retract my earlier concern about piling on. It is evidently deserved. The party may have been fine for the rest of you, but I doubt that it was for HER, even if she put a brave face on it.</p>
<p>Consolation–that’s exactly how my Mom felt at social gatherings after my Dad died; like a third wheel or a fifth wheel, depending on the vehicle. Not pleasant.</p>
<p>This will be my last post on this thread. </p>
<p>Obviously I do not understand well expected female CC reaction. The woman lost a husband 3 years ago and has since then demanded that her female friends recognize this by demanding that they deny they still have husbands while in her presence. 7 of 7 women said NO this time. But you’re all right one thing, most of the men couldn’t have cared less. Because they have seen this behavior before and more than willing to non-attend. But the wives insisted because they were all part of an old group. </p>
<p>End of thread.</p>
<p>End of thread? Not so fast. As if…</p>
<p>It is understandable that the widow would prefer not to attend gatherings with the husbands. Three years ago is still pretty fresh. Many widows are in shock the first year. I can understand the group continuing to have gatherings with husbands at times and the widow choosing to attend or not. Widow should certainly not dictate every gathering. But, this was HER birthday celebration and HER wishes should have been respected. I would hope the group was sensitive early on, especially after his passing because they were not for this birthday celebration.</p>
<p>Toblin -I think you are taking the responses too personally. I didn’t comment on this thread, but have been reading it for the past week. The anonimity of the forum allows people to express their true opinions (and franklly what keeps it interesting), and also remember its really hard to interpret the full story from just a short paragraph. The posters made a few assumptions and then said what they thought. I hope that it doesn’t turn you away from posting on this thread any more :)</p>
<p>This has really become “not fun”.
Anyone with a new story about an outrageous request or situation that has happened?</p>
<p>The year my S was a senior we invited his friend and his parents to come over to our home after the school play. S was on crew and their S was a performer. The wife checked with her H and they agreed. I made lovely light food that included appetizers, potato pancakes and a nice dessert. They arrived about 45 minutes after expected (remember we were at the same function). H announced he only would eat “X” and wife announced she would only eat “Y” while their S was eating as fast as he could.
40 minutes after arriving W said, “we need to go as H wants to watch Saturday Night Live and the 8th grade basketball game he taped”.
They left and I “forgot”
to give the cake to take with. I tried to talk to her about it and she became defensive…so the end of a 7 yr friendship. H has been very ingratiating since and I have gotten over it but still do not need to go with them.</p>
<p>“Obviously I do not understand well expected female CC reaction.”</p>
<p>I am glad that the expected female cc reaction is one of compassion and understanding for a widow. I have rarely (if ever) seen such agreement on this forum.</p>
<p>Oregon, that was amazingly rude of those people. I agree that you don’t need a friendship like that anymore! Glad you didn’t waste the dessert on them.</p>
<p>oregon, I hope that cake tasted delicious!</p>
<p>OH it was my best “make three days ahead so that it is super moist and rich and chocholaty” (sp?)
and the wife actually mentioned that they were disappointed that they had “forgotten” it.
I knew and just smiled on the inside.</p>
<p>Another outrageous guest story – when D was about 7, I planned a birthday party for her. I sent out invitations to everyone in her class plus a few other friends. One of the moms came up to me and said “you know, so-and-so’s birthday is on that day, and you don’t want to make the girls choose.”</p>
<p>I just looked at her. I didn’t get it.</p>
<p>“So it’s probably a good idea to move D’s birthday to another day.”</p>
<p>My jaw dropped. I think I said something like “thanks for letting me know.” I was furious – how dare she tell me when to have my daughter’s celebration? Then after I’d told another mom (who was an experienced warrior in the kiddie birthday party dramatics) that this woman had done me a favor. If I’d stuck to the original date, the other birthday party would have sucked all the available 7 year olds into its maw (they had a bouncy castle, magician, vs my at home celebration with homemade cupcakes). And what I wanted was friends to celebrate D’s special day. So I moved D’s birthday party, and all her friends came, and the other party was on D’s original day (and she wasn’t invited – guess that mom didn’t follow the “invite the whole class” memo).</p>
<p>I am still not sure if I did the right thing.</p>
<p>Classof2015 - the other mom did you a favor. Our girls went to a small school. When they were younger, the moms used to check with each other so we wouldn’t have parties on the same day. As the girls got older and the class got bigger, they would coordinate among each other. The unspoken rule was whoever asked for the date first. It is difficult to ask young kids to decide which party to go to.</p>
<p>Sometimes I do find myself in the “big mouth” mom’s position - do I say something to Classof2015, possibly upsetting her but save her kid’s day, or do I just keep my mouth shut but let the birthday be a no show.</p>
<p>This one is a bit unusual. When her children were young, my SIL kept a portable potty in the back of her SUV. Whenever the family was at a restaurant, my house, any other relative’s house, she took the kids out to the car when they had to go to the bathroom. This wasn’t a potty training thing - our kids were the same age, and I always kept a training seat in my powder room, and it continued until the youngest was about 7 or 8 years old. I think eventually all of the kids balked at going out to the car. SIL made it known that ALL toilets are filthy and the only way she could be sure that her kids were using a clean toilet was to clean it herself.</p>
<p>It would have been funny if she made her kids bring their own portable potty to college.</p>
<p>I looked forward to reading this thread UNTIL it took the turn regarding the widow and was high jacked. Anyone else have a funny guest request story?</p>
<p>How about this one? CLOSE family member came to visit in a very small, van sized motor home. They parked on the street, and used a LONG extension cord to plug into one of our outside outlets. Ahem…we have THREE extra bedrooms and a finished lower walkout level. It was weird…and our neighbors really thought it was weird. Oh…our driveway is very level and there was PLENTY of room to park the van in the driveway. That was a NO GO too!</p>