<p>Congress today announced that the office of President
of the United States of America will be outsourced to
overseas interests as of December 31st.,2005. The move
is being made to save not only a significant portion
of the President’s $400,000.00 yearly salary, but also
a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and
related overhead.</p>
<p>“We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost
savings should be significant,” stated Congressman
Thomas Reynolds (R-Wash.). Reynolds, with the aid of
the Government Accountability Office, has studied
outsourcing of American jobs extensively.</p>
<p>“We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world
stage with the current level of cash outlay,” Reynolds
noted.</p>
<p>Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his
termination. Preparations for the job move have been
underway for some time. Gurvinder Singh of Indus
Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the
office of
President as of January 1st., 2006. Mr. Singh was born
in the United States while his Indian parents were
vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible
for the position. He will receive a salary of $320
(USD) a month but with no health coverage or other
benefits.</p>
<p>It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle
his job
responsibilities without support staff. Due to the
time difference between the US and India, he will be
working primarily at night, when few offices of the US
Government will be open.</p>
<p>“Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at
the American Express call center,” stated Mr. Singh in
an exclusive interview. “I am excited about this
position. I always hoped I would be President
someday.”</p>
<p>A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr.
Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues
involved in the office of President, this should not
be a problem. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree
that will enable him to respond effectively to most
topics of concern. Using this tree, he can
address common concerns without having to understand
the underlying issues at all.</p>
<p>“We know these scripting tools work,” stated the
Spokesperson. “Mr. Bush has used them successfully for
years.”</p>
<p>Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and
salary until his final day of employment. Following a
two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $240
dollars a week unemployment for 13 weeks.
Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid as
his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed
limit.</p>
<p>Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services
of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and
prepare for his upcoming job transition.</p>
<p>According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties
in securing a new position due to limited practical
work experience. One possibility is re-enlistment in
the Air National Guard. Should he choose this option,
he would likely be stationed in Iraq, a country he has
visited. “I’ve been there, I know all about Iraq,”
stated Mr. Bush, who gained
invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the
Baghdad Airport’s terminal and gift shop.</p>
<p>Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would
receive a warm reception from local Iraqis. They have
asked to be provided with details of his arrival so
that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.</p>