Didnt you post that you were going to transfer back to a previously attended school? Would you dorm away from home?
@WorryHurry411 @collegemom3717 @FilmerMom and anyone else who was confused: I’m so sorry for confusing you I meant he came in my room and said I needed to leave if I wanted to see my friend; me and my friend had planned to get some tea.
To everyone who is replying thank you so much. My mental state is not good right now but your replies are a comfort to me.
@jym626 Yes I am thinking of transferring back to a state school, I am not sure yet, but I cannot afford the apartment costs. I’m still thinking about the options.
@gardenstategal @MYOS1634 A lot of people have told me that it is abuse. 
I’ve read up on emotional abuse and one of the things they talk about is isolation.
Also aren’t women shelters only for women who are in domestic abuse situations? I’ve never heard of a shelter that helps emotionally abused people.
I feel weird, bad, and ungrateful if I say it’s abuse. My parents feed me, bought me my laptop for college (surprisingly they don’t track it or my phone, which I’m so grateful for), and they hug me and tell me they love me. But they are also like what I described in my long post. They are like this as long as I don’t do what they don’t want me to do, which aren’t even bad things.
Thank you so much for the information I’m really grateful (and a little surprised) that you guys and everyone is helping me.
@PetraMC I messaged my adviser and asked him if we have mental health counseling. I really think I need help. Thank you for the emergency room advise; I had forgotten about that. These past days have been the hardest because all I could think about was wanting to kill myself and throw myself in front of the bus that I commute on. It’s so scary. I almost did call yesterday, but I managed to distract myself with the finals I’m working on.
Today is a better day than most days; my dad let me pick out Christmas cards and he’s letting me send them to my friends; I’m keeping myself happy because of that :).
It is very important that you find somebody who can provide you with an emotional support. And just remember, in few years you will be an independent adult and no longer dependent on your parents. Life is not as dark as it might seem sometimes. I am sure you will persevere. Best of luck to you.
@TinyBird273 Do not hesitate to go to the emergency room if you are having intrusive thoughts about hurting yourself and it feels out of control. They will know exactly what to do. I’m glad to hear you are talking to your advisor.
Take care of yourself.
@TinyBird273 , women’s shelters can certainly help someone like you. Emotional abuse is one form of domestic abuse and it often involves the controlling behavior you describe. It is happening in your home, and that makes it domestic. So yes, they can help. It would not be unusual to discover that your mother is also being abused in a similar way and plays into your drama in self protection. Not to say that’s the case, but that is a common pattern.
What is important is that you develop some sources of support outside your home.
TinyBird, your parents sound like they’re immigrants… if so, would they agree for you to move out and live with children of immigrants from the same country/area? Are there any immigrant organizations you could turn to for help? Advice in your parents’ own language, coming from someone your parents know, understand and trust, could go a long way to help your parents understand that you’re not disobedient or in any way in danger of falling with the wrong crowd.
This is good advice. May be a sensible aunt or influential uncle or liberal family friend or open minded religious person you guys often see. Such person can help all three of you see each other’s perspective and come to a resolution acceptable to all.
Whatever you do, don’t go for a permanent solution like suicide to avoid a temporary situation of living with obnoxious parents until you graduate.
Please choose life which means striking out on your own. Following the advice of others on this thread- save $, research women’s shelters, perhaps transfer to school in a different location, research all the public transportation options in your area, find a new job or at least educate yourself on new job possibilities (ones your parents don’t know about), gather all your important identification papers, etc…Make a plan. Be very methodical. You may feel ok today but when the day returns when you don’t feel ok, you will be able to initiate your plan and take control.
Safety always comes first, if you feel like you can hurt yourself or someone else then a college degree may not be very useful in a grave or a prison, in that case just go to a shelter and learn to survive on your own.
Dear Tiny Bird . That must be so frustrating and oppressive for you. I’m sorry you are going through so much. I think talking to a supportive counselor as soon as possible is so important. It is hard to make decisions about your future when you are feeling depressed and anxious. If your college doesn’t have a mental health clinic than perhaps the health center can refer you to a counselor close by to campus or on your Bus Route. It is really important to get help. I will pray for you . Take Care.
Several relatives in my extended family have parents/college age child in disagreement, where either the child left and/or the parents cut the purse strings.
If you want full financial support from your parents, then just deal with it until you graduate.
Otherwise, do as my family members have done: strike it out on your own.
A viable option to consider: A few of them took the military path. They served their country, and in turn, their country took care of them. It took them longer to get their degree, but they got it in the end.
You always have choices. Autonomy from your parents comes with autonomy for taking financial responsibility for yourself.
In everything you do, be careful. I means that, even on a 'good’day, you can’t let anything slip about your plan. The situation is abuse because there will be bad, very bad days, and you know it even of you want to believe that this time, the good days will last.
Go to student health services and ask about a counselling center. You don’t have to say why. Ask about a shelter, too.
Right now, getting yourself out of the house is important because your situation is such that it endangers your life. Your parents probably live you but currently their way of expressing that is inappropriate and not loving. Once you’ve left, they’ll have the space to step back and realize what they’ve been doing to you. Ultimately they’ll be glad you forced things. In any case, for all parents, a dead child is way worse than a disobedient child - especially if the disobedience ultimately saves your relationship.
i’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. i don’t have much advice but i hope you know that you don’t deserve to have to repress yourself around your own family. and you shouldn’t have to deal with people on this thread arguing about if it’s abuse or not. i hope things get better
I find myself so worried tinybird273.
@tinybird273 I’m so sorry this is happening. In addition to getting counseling at school… As a temporary reprieve, I suggest you not be so forthcoming with your parents. Since they are not tracking you on your phone (thank God) you don’t need to tell them everything you are doing. Tell them you are at the library. Tell them you are taking an evening class next term. Do something to get yourself away from home more often. The less time you spend at home, outside of their control, the better.
^ seconding the above. And don’t feel guilty. Right now, they’ve lost their way. It doesn’t mean they don’t live you deep down - but what they do and say doesn’t come from love. Extricate yourself from the situation.
Your situation is emotional abuse. It doesn’t matter if they put a roof over your head you deserve better. In my opinion you should look into leaving your living situation.