<p>My D is leaving in a couple of days for the summer (camp counselor). When she returns, will have only 4 days to pack for college. So we started the process of cleaning out and packing up her room (I am planning to list the house and downsize). This process was much harder than I anticipated for both of us!!! Anybody else feeling the same way?</p>
<p>You have three things going on at once – your daughter’ departure for the summer, the upcoming start of college for her, and your family’s plan to move in the near future. That’s a lot to cope with, both in emotional terms and practical ones.</p>
<p>I would suggest that you spend the summer confining all of her stuff in her room and in one or two well-defined locations in your house. That way when she gets home, she can quickly organize the things that she needs for college.</p>
<p>When she leaves, pack up all the rest of her stuff, and take all of those boxes with you when you downsize. She can deal with them later on - like next summer at your new location. Yes, those boxes may take up the better part of the only spare room at the new smaller place, but you won’t have to make any keep/don’t keep decisions for her.</p>
<p>I feel your pain. My dining rooms becomes my transitional space to pack and unpack from school/camp. This year I’ve moved stuff through pretty well (just don’t look at upstairs hall) but last year I had college stuff for 2 daughters all summer long. This summer D2 had about 3 weeks between end of school and summer job out of town so before I even unpacked her from school we went through her room under the assumption that anything still there, with exception of some winter stuff, was stuff she never needed. D1 had only 5 days between end of school and camp counselor job…her stuff is still all over.</p>
<p>I’d say start with stuff that’s not so personal. For instance, buy big plastic containers (or yard trash bags) and start by putting bedding/towels for college. One thing that worked for me with one daughter was to use another space (bed in art room) and take ALL her clothing out of drawers and organize in piles (shirts, pants, sweaters,etc). Then when she came home it was easy to see what she had. She went in there and pretty much pointed to what stayed (or in your case packed for school) and what she no longer wanted. If you have this done when she gets home, it’s pretty quick to go through. Will she be close enough to home to get winter stuff later. If so, start a bin for that stuff and label.</p>
<p>If you don’t have time to write an inventory to send her, take some close up pictures of her wall, bookshelves, top of dresser etc and send to her at camp. My counselor daughter does get a few free hours a day and some leave every week, so maybe yours does to. Ask her to look at these and email you with what books, picture, personal items she would like for school with the understanding you will pack rest for move and she may have trouble finding them until Christmas break or next summer. </p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>Well, I just read the empty nester thread in Parent Cafe and have come to understand my emotions a little bit better… or at least that I am not alone in the way that I feel, this is normal, and it will get better once we adjust to the changes. @happymomof1 - very good practical advise, thanks.</p>
<p>I was where you are a year ago - sending our only off to college and at same time packing up house for sale and then a cross-country move.
Will tell you that emotionally it’s very hard so I tend to hide all that by getting very busy and trying to be hyper organized.
What also has been very hard is that our son has come “home” to a house that does not feel like home even though we have replicated his room here. He didn’t even see the house until December and had never ever been in this state. So a very complex and difficult time for him - friends are back home (across the country), everything feels different, and the sense of displacement is tough. Better now than earlier in the year, and he is so, so happy at his school which makes life much easier.</p>
<p>Some suggestions based on what we did:</p>
<ol>
<li> A huge sort of S’s room; everything labeled keep/throw away/send to college</li>
<li> Everything college-bound then moved to an end of the living room and all we bought (bedding, etc) added to it. We then divided those piles into what being mailed to school and what going with us on plane.</li>
<li> We went through the house and did the same - and we were ruthless about getting rid of things b/c also downsized as part of all this. Had three different charities do pickups as we weeded through everything.</li>
<li> Kept a master list of what was going where when and how. Move also involved 2 large cats who were flown and 2 cars that were shipped :)</li>
</ol>
<p>I also took up meditation last summer. It really helped when I just got overwhelmed with everything.</p>
<p>Best of luck!</p>
<p>@scmom12 - I think a big part of the problem with us is that cleaning out and sorting feels like we are closing the door on her childhood, or kicking her out of the nest (even though its just silly stuff that D will never use in the future). I think that I may take a different approach and help D organize her childhood things into boxes and just wait until next summer to sort and discard. We did manage to get a full trash bag full of non-personal stuff discarded today, so that is a start. I am usually very practical and stoic, but this has been insanely emotional and draining!</p>
<p>@siemom- thanks for the helpful suggestions. I too am concerned about D coming home to a house she has never lived in. Given that I don’t have to sell (but it would be nice to reduce maintenance obligations for a big house and increase cash flow/time by living in a smaller more manageable home), I may wait to list until next spring…</p>
<p>Take comfort in the fact that it gets easier. We are trying to sell our house, so I had to go through my sons’ things – luckily they’ve been out of the house for a while, so anything meaningful they already have with them. Anything else, they get to make a “keep or toss” decision.</p>
<p>Cleaning out the room (and house) where you raised your D is very hard. I have been going through this the last year, and my D left for college in fall 2003! She is not nostalgic or sad about us selling her childhood home, but I have had major issues with it. There is a tree next to the driveway that is taller than the house. She planted it (from a tiny seedling) when we moved in when she was in first grade.</p>
<p>If you are able to wait to sell your house till next spring, then that might be best for both you and your D. We listed our house for sale Oct. 1, and it has just sold this past week. The spring house selling season seems to be better. I wish we had waited and listed in Feb. or March. </p>
<p>It is nice for college students to come from college that first year, back to the nest at least for Christmas break. By spring she (and you) will be more adjusted to the new normal.</p>
<p>If you are able to delay selling the house, it might be a good idea to do so.</p>
<p>Friends of ours who lived here in our neither-here-nor-there, bedroom community between two major cities, changed jobs after moving here so that they both had insane commutes and the only reason they did not move is that they didn’t want to uproot their kids. </p>
<p>But they joked–for years–that they would move the minute their younger child graduated. They said, “As he’s moving the tassel on his mortarboard from one side to the other, the moving truck will be backing out of the driveway.”</p>
<p>But then their daughter, two years older, went off to college and they could see how important it was to her to be able to come home, to her home town, at least at first.</p>
<p>They let their son have his freshman year and the summer afterwards in the old house; they put it on the market when he went back for his sophomore year and were out by Thanksgiving. (But they are still in the area so he can still visit with high school friends.)</p>