<p>I have been shy my whole life and my daughter is very shy too. Any advice on what has helped you? I have spent so much money on therapists with very little improvement so looking for other ideas.</p>
<p>Well, I think shyness is often the manifestation of Social Anxiety. Have you ever tried medication?</p>
<p>One question. Are you happy otherwise? If so, why bother to change something that is not a defect?</p>
<p>YES! I also went to therapists who charged like $90 per hour and who helped me very little. Then I saw a famous shyness coach on the Today Show and News 12 who talked about how much she has helped shy kids and shy adults.</p>
<p>I ordered her newsletter called YOUR YEAR TO SHINE from a website called <a href=“http://www”>www</a>. dontcallmeshy.com. It explained why I was behaving and feeling the way that I was, and it gave me so many things that I could work on each day - stuff that I could do at home - and because of it I am doing so much better overcoming my shyness. </p>
<p>It is so worth the $40 for the whole year because it kinda forced me to do something to help myself every day of the year. </p>
<p>Maybe it could help you and your daughter too. There are 2 separate sections in each newsletter - one focused on ways to help shy kids and another section devoted to ways shy adults can help themselves. Good luck!</p>
<p>Are you painfully shy or just quietly introverted? I was horribly shy when I graduated from college. I had gotten through that far by making a few good friends and participating in mostly individual sports and activities. I could meet people one on one but entering a large group sent me out the door. But I had an outgoing roommate that helped. I had such a hard time speaking in front of a group that they had to mike me for a room of 12 people the first time I spoke to a group. </p>
<p>Fast forward, I signed up to teach a class in a subject for which I was an expert. I really feel sorry for the first people I had in my classes but I learned to get comfortable and now speak regularly. On the other hand, It is not my favorite thing to enter a large group and make small talk. It is energy depleting, not energy producing for me. My husband can sail in and connect with people almost immediately. So we go together and he gets me started. </p>
<p>Our children split. Two are very outgoing and tow are not so much. Of the two that aren’t, one is a performance major and she has no problem reconciling the shyness with the stage. 2 different things for her. The other slowly got a little better. In middle school he would take and F rather than give an oral book report. We got him into Odyssey of the Mind. His friends slowly got him to actually perform a small part and it broke the log jam. He is not outgoing but he married someone who is and she gets him into all kinds of events and gets him out of his shell. He is a finance major going for a CPA so he will probably stay inverted, just not horribly shy. </p>
<p>It’s a process as far as I am concerned, not something that needs therapy but something that could use behavior help by finding those situations that move you out, and a partner to help.</p>
<p>People who know me now would never believe this, but I used to be shy. I remember a new girl moving into the neighborhood when I was little who was so frustrated trying to talk to me she finally asked whether I spoke English! As I got older, I hated public speaking to the point where I would get sick at the prospect. </p>
<p>I just decided one day that I was tired of it and started a plan for how to gradually put myself in situations where I had to step up. I’m sure this sounds silly, but one of the first things I did was return something at a grocery store that didn’t taste good. I am averse to conflict, so to go up to someone and say, “I want my money back” felt really risky to me. I took a committee position at the elementary PTA that at the end of the year required me to make a speech in front of a group. I was scholarship chair so even if I sounded dumb I felt like, hey, I was giving people money so they couldn’t exactly boo me! I did that for three years and became pretty comfortable. Now, seriously, no one I know would call me shy!</p>
<p>Anyway, the bottom line of the method is to force yourself into uncomfortable situations. Once you are successful, it builds on itself. Short-term discomfort yields long-term results.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>You haven’t discussed what approach/method the therapist(s) used. Some methods are much more helpful for certain people and conditions than others. I had some issues once that I got unhelpful therapy for as a child. Much later, when I was taking Psychology courses, I realized that my condition would have been much better treated by a cognitive-behavioral approach than by the psychoanalytic model that was used. </p>
<p>As to whether your shyness is “just shyness” or social phobia–well, if it’s causing you distress/impairment of function in everyday life (as I sense it might, since you posted here asking for help), then it’s worth treating to improve your quality of life. Don’t be afraid to search around for a therapist that you “click” with, who can help you through cognitive-behavioral and exposure therapy to get more comfortable in social situations. What youdontsay describes is essentially self-directed exposure therapy; if something like that works for you, great–but don’t be afraid of joining a group or looking for another therapist if it’s too much to get through alone. </p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>My story is very similar to YDS’s. Until I was a young adult I was painfully shy, to the point where I wouldn’t even call a movie theater to find out the times (this was back in the day when a real live person answered the phone). As I got older, I gradually forced myself to do things, like public speaking, that terrified me. Mastery gradually builds confidence. Although I’m still something of an introvert (i.e. I get my energy from being alone), I’m by no means shy any more…and I’ll call anyone about anything! :)</p>