@garland: yes, thanks. Child has evolved own distinct personality. I actually embrace the stubbornness to want own path, but surprised at paralysis at this stage of application season.
Like many young adults, child is much more aware of what he/she does not want than wants.
The “no interest is learning” is just one of our two conditions for all the kids. With this one, I am not yet convinced that the condition is not binding. The others are more curious. This one is a CV building machine but without much curiosity. Us parents are left brained. This child is more balanced, though has a super left brain. We actually LOVE the right side and the happiness it brings.
So yes, I agree the two are different and I think both are in play.
Paralysis: Spring: did not study for SATs, and yet scored well (1500+). This summer, not a second spent on thinking of college, much less applications. Eye rolls if we bring up college, despite daily college solicitations arriving in the mail. No searching. No lists. No discussions. Just all so weird. I just want to hug the child. Then out of the blue, how about school X (why? a friend mentioned it). “Tell me more.” silence or “Well, X said it was good.” But no follow up or due diligence. with 99% of other activities the child is fastidious and organized. Confounds us why the ball is being dropped, especially given child states that he/she wants to go and not wait.
Not Interested in Learning. This is a gut feeling. Not curious whatsoever save for friends, interests, pleasing teachers, and all but parents. Laser focused on getting good grades. Going through a list of majors–no detectable reaction. Child is sharp and mature enough to go into a corporate work directly out of high school, save perhaps for hiring filters. Child seeks the culture. and experience of college (which we are all for). But without any interest in the academic mission of the university, we often wonder, “why not go directly to work?” It may change…but now at the precipice of applications, it hasn’t not even in that fantasy or wide eyed way. No pulse. Here our reactions are more of frustration. It would not surprise me if deadlines come and go without any action taken .
Was a star of own making in high school. We did not push this or that. Dropped certain pursuits despite showing great promise. We were okay with that despite scratching our heads a bit.
We think time and distance may do the trick, like a gap year. But then there is great resistance. “I don’t want to wait.” Perhaps the reason it would be seen as losing a year. We are like, “well…then apply and get a list together of schools and start of thinking of the ‘whys’ of schools and majors.” Just seeing the process starting would be huge. The response is almost if the application process is our fault. The logic used is often maddeningly circular.
We want to let go completely. But this means quite a move of distance as we live in a remote area with few jobs. So are the financial lifeline…
Non-university options: We are fine with JC, even out of state. We are fine with going to work, even in a major city, in which case we would help.
Other parent is more frustrated than me and less flexible. thinks we ought to simply impose. I don’t think so. This child wants independence and is incredibly stubborn. From us, no problem. But the application process to get into all but a handful of universities, is not about Mom and Dad but what those schools require.
I’ll end with what think will happen. I think a couple of rather random and mediocre applications will be submitted with most stuff done at last moment and first drafts of essays submitted. It will be a couple of reach schools and oddball options. No safeties. Either that or no action will be taken.
We would rather a gap year be taken and that the extra time and distance used to reflect and so this time next year, the child, a year wiser, is in a better position to apply.
