Right now, all I’m sure of is that I need to transfer out of my current institution.
My current institution is terrible for me but I’m afraid to leave because I’m concerned I won’t be able to transfer to a college of similar caliber. I received some bad grade my last semester there and I’ve taken time of.
I have a rough road ahead of me in life and I need to maximize the benifits of college as much as I can. I’m terrified of returning to a place where I was so profoundly unhappy and yet I’m terrified of leaving. How can I take one step forward?
“My current institution is terrible for me but I’m afraid to leave because I’m concerned I won’t be able to transfer to a college of similar caliber.”
There are hundreds of very good universities in the US. To be successful you do not need to go to a prestigious college or university (more below).
However, to be happy you do have to be at a university that you can stand to be at. To be successful you have to be happy enough to be able to keep ahead in classes and focus on your classes rather than focusing on being unhappy. To a large extent what you get from a university depends primarily on what you put into it. To put a lot of effort and creativity into your university effort you need to be happy there.
I think that it is very good that you are putting a considerable amount of thought into where you want to transfer to. This is a big decision and should not be taken lightly. Also, I don’t see a strong need to rush back somewhere. Taking time to think and do this right makes sense to me. However, I think that you need to get over your concerns about the “caliber” of the university or college that you should be attending.
In my work I have seen a lot of people who went to MIT or Stanford working alongside coworkers who went to UMass or UNH or BU or IIT and a wide range of other schools, in some cases working for bosses who went to Rutgers or other public university or to a school I had never heard of.
Thank you for giving me your thoughts–I really appreciate it.
I know everyone says you don’t need to attend a prestigious college in order to be successful in life, but I feel it’s different for me. I feel the need to excel beyond what’s considered average to make up for being black, gay, introverted, or in other words, me.
I need to be exceptional in order for people to give me a chance, and attending a prestigious school is a part of that for me. I just need that school to be larger than my current one so I actually have room to breath and make my own path. The cliquish nature of my current school made getting involved in extra curricular activities difficult for me. It was like being trapped in some snobby high school with no friends and no where to go. All I know for sure is that I never want to go back. But I guess I would make myself if it would lead to long term success and happiness in the future.
Anybody who would care about you being black / gay / introverted / you is not going to be shocked out of those prejudices by the name of a more selective school.
You need to get past the brand name. Just because you studied there, doea not automatically make you exceptional or excelling. You need to find a place where you can thrive - even if it doesn’t have a big brand name. Then you will be able to excell on your own.
— Instead of trying to hard to be “exceptional” you may find you will be happier and more comfortable if you relax a bit and just try to be yourself. The people you want in your life are the people who will accept you for who you are.
– Have you tried lot of different clubs/activities on campus? Sometimes the first couple aren’t right but you should keep at it. Look for things that pique your interest, that matter to you and hopefully you can find some people you click with.
— It may be helpful to seek out counseling at your college to help you through this.
— If you current college is such a bad fit and it can’t be salvaged then look for an affordable option where you can be happy. Your work ethic and your skills will be much more important to your long term success than any degree.
–Do keep in mind that transferring can be difficult. Many friendship groups form freshman year and you will be entering a school where most people your year will already be in a comfortable route. It will take work on your part to get situated in a new environment. If you determine the transfer is for the right/much better fit school then it is worth it, but don’t assume the grass is always greener on the other side.
I was going to suggest a lot of what @happy1 suggested. Have you reached out to the BSA, the QRC, and beyond those, clubs around issues or activities that you care about?
Or are you not on campus right now?
Staying where you are (or returning) is academically the easiest path if you can make it work - your recent bad grades will just be absorbed into your transcript and not be a factor in getting in anywhere. I personally made a different choice at my LAC, had a rough semester and left, and though I could have returned, I didn’t. I have always regretted that choice.
“I need to be exceptional in order for people to give me a chance, …”
I am wondering if this statement is the most significant issue in terms of fitting in at your current school, and potentially for future schools.
I have been lucky enough to have known some people who actually have accomplished exceptional things. NONE of them EVER talked about being exceptional. They talked about how to solve a particular problem and how to get people to agree to a solution and how to help other people get particular tasks completed. They were all way too busy to bother worrying about whether or not what they were doing was exceptional. In a quiet moment they might ask how my kids were doing or where they might be going to university. If they had talked about being exceptional, it would have just annoyed other people and wouldn’t have helped them get their job done.
Also, of the people that I knew that did exceptional things, I am not sure which were gay but some probably were, many were introverted, and one was black.