<p>You and her other parent(s) and anyone else who already has committed to chip in for her education need to sit down without her, and determine just exactly how much money you are ready, willing, and able to pay each year, and under what terms. Is that $10,000 out of pocket that you’ve seen in the NPCs something that you can come up with easily? Or is your real figure lower? Our EFC was nearly four times what we could actually pay, so what we could pay is what we told our daughter we would pay. No parent loans here.</p>
<p>If she ends up needing an extra summer term, semester, or year of college, will you fund that at the original rate that you define, or will that extra period of study have to still fit into your overall budget? Will she have to maintain a certain GPA for you to keep paying? think those through too.</p>
<p>Is the money available in savings right now, or will you have to pay this out of current income? What is your emergency plan if one of the wage earners gets laid off?</p>
<p>When you know what you can commit to, tell your daughter. She may pitch a fit, but once she knows the financial limits, you can help her come up with a workable list of colleges and universities that meet her academic goals. Unfortunately, many places that meet her current criteria do not offer decent financial aid. She may need to conduct a nationwide search for places that could prove affordable.</p>
<p>Lastly, if you have seen a major change in personality since her auto accident, you may want to consider a full physical, neurological, and psychological check up. Perhaps she had thought seriously about her life goals, and has freely come to this decision. Or perhaps there are other issues that need to be dealt with before she is indeed well enough to head off to college anywhere at all.</p>
<p>OP, given that she seems to have been possessed by this religious mania after an accident and under the influence of a BF, I tehink that it might be a great thing if the doesn’t get in anywhere she can afford to go, and has to sit out a year. Perhaps she will come to her senses.</p>
<p>I don’t mean to make light of a desire to enter the ministry, but her refusal to even consider the route of college followed by seminary–the route taken by every minister I know–seems very odd.</p>
<p>And you mention a tank of gas: one of the best ways to save a few thousand a year is to NOT take a car to college. Very few college students actually NEED a car.</p>
<p>“Dear Daughter, I need to share with you that Dad and I are only able to give you “X number of dollars” per year for college. We are also unable to co sign for any student loans you may consider taking out. We wish it was more, but this is the maximum we can handle. Together, lets look into the 3 in state schools that will meet your academic goals, potentially provide you with some financial aid and has a bus line that will bring you to and from school for holidays or breaks. I realize you want to apply out of state. It is important for you to know that by the time the financial aid numbers are sent out, many schools will no longer be accepting applicants. This could put you in a tough situation. I want you to have choices and in-state will provide you with this option. In addition to the OOS schools that you are thinking about, I really believe you have 3 great in-state choices. I will leave it up to you to choose which 2 of the 3 in-states will be receiving your applications.”</p>
<p>will offer to pay for an out of state application for every in state she applies to. That might get her to apply to more instate schools</p>
<p>Well, the way to offer is this…</p>
<p>Sweetie, I will pay for X number of applications total. at least 2 of them must be to instate schools that we know will be affordable. The rest can be for your choice of schools.</p>
<p>And, I would make sure she completed and sent out the local ones first, before I paid for the other ones. lol</p>
<p>many parents insist of a couple of “parent pick” applications…especially in cases like this.</p>
<p>A possible option is to look at whether your state has agreement with nearby states where if the major isn’t offered in your state, but offered in a nearby state they will allow the student to pay in-state tuition to go to the college in a neighboring state for in-state rates. These agreements are called by different names in different states–check into it. </p>
<p>It doesn’t solve the problem of travel back and forth or medical costs, but your DD could get a part-time job to pay for the transportation. You need to sit down and talk $$$$ with her.</p>
<p>" No amount of reasoning or logic is working. I think I am going to have to let go and allow her to apply to these schools with no local back-ups. This would mean that if she cannot get the money together to get herself into and to this out of state school, she will be left with nothing and no options. Or, if she can get herself there, she will be stranded if it doesn’t work out. Help!"</p>
<p>So long as she is aware of that, I fail to see the problem. “Sarah, I will pay for six applications; that is all I can afford. I am willing to take out X in loans and give you Y of my savings. If any costs exceed that, you are paying them. I cannot afford to fly you out of state and I cannot afford to pay for room and board. If the only colleges that accept you are too expensive, then you will not be attending college next fall; you will have to take time off to work. Do whatever you want, but this is the reality you are dealing with.”</p>
<p>“Honestly, I can offer to help her with local colleges, but she feels God is calling her to these out of state schools.”</p>
<p>So what God wants or her life - in conversations He has had with her but does not share with you - is conveniently exactly what she wants and requires other people to make massive sacrifices while she gets to make a dreamy list of her perfect school, no compromises whatsoever? You don’t say.</p>
<p>Last I checked, most Christian denominations stress the need to be a good, frugal steward of your God-given resources. From what I’ve read of the Bible, the apostles were persecuted and impoverished, not jetting off to fancy private universities.</p>
<p>If this were my kid, I would hope for the same thing. Neither religious fervor nor attachment to a boyfriend or girlfriend are conducive to good decisions about one’s future, in my opinion.</p>
<p>This is the downfall of many a student, IMO. Allowing a child to make a decision when they are too immature to understand the consequences of long term financial constraints is irresponsible IMO.</p>
<p>Teenagers, for the most part are driven by emotions. Their brains are not fully developed in a way that allows them to appreciate the consequences of their actions and decisions. THAT’s how kids get pregnant, get killed and get into debt that will last a lifetime.</p>
<p>I think that it is the responsibility of a parent to have an open discussion about the financial and logistical limitations, spell out the options and then go from there. The child is not going to be able to figure out a way to make it work without being saddles with a giant loan payment. It’s better to set the limits now, going into the process, than later when she gets her heart set on a school that isn’t affordable.</p>
<p>There’s a list of colleges that do not have application fees. It’s pretty extensive, last I looked close to 300 schools. I would tell her to do some research on those schools. As far as what she wants to study…that’s swell, but even more reason to be realistic about college finances since I don’t think pastoral ministers are making the cheese right out of college to pay back large student loans.</p>
<p>No kidding. No way I would just give up here. She seems to have a problem facing financial realities. Life is all about compromise and she is demonstrating a disturbing refusal to do so when she is not the one having to pay. I would refuse to pay for any out of state applications if she refused to work with me and apply also to some financial safeties as a backup if her own plan to go OOS with merit and financial aid falls through. Does she have no understanding of finances and of living within one’s own means?</p>
<p>Just curious: is one easily employable with just an undergrad degree in pastoral ministry? I have several friends who are ministers, including one who has moved from the active pulpit to teaching homiletics at a well known seminary, and all of them have undergrad degrees and then pursued their calling in a graduate seminary setting.</p>
<p>I does sound like your D has been heavily influenced by attending her boyfriend’s church and while that in itself might not be a bad thing, the abrupt “about face” and adamant refusal to consider sensible alternative means to an end are red flags. Sit down and be honest with her about finances- if she chooses to ignore you, then make it clear that she will have to come up with a viable plan on her own to further her dreams.</p>
<p>Will a nondenominational college even offer enough financial support? Are you getting ready for that battle, if she gets an admit and the bill is more than you can pay? We told D1 no college was a dream school if the right aid wasn’t there. </p>
<p>And we tell kids and parents all the time that loans, other than student fed loans, aren’t the way to go. To me, the deal starts with only applying to schools where the NPC makes it appear affordable. Same advice as to other kids. This assumes nothing about your income/assets throws off the NPC.</p>
<p>If she believes God is guiding her, she also needs to understand he may be guiding her to make the wise decision, not the first obvious “I want.”</p>
<p>I’d never heard of pastoral ministry as a major before, so I looked it up, and found the following revealing comments about what one can do with such a degree:</p>
<ul>
<li>Obtaining relevant experience through internships or volunteer experiences is critical to finding employment opportunities. </li>
<li>Dual majors or minors can also help open the door in some fields.</li>
<li>Early in your career you may need to supplement ministry income with other work</li>
</ul>
<p>Good for her for wanting to help people, but if one majors in Pastoral Ministry one should not be borrowing a nickel for college. One won’t be able to pay it back.</p>
<p>As far as I can tell, Pastoral Ministry is a major offered only at private colleges. And it is not offered at the kind of private college that is rolling in money. So as a ballpark, yearly college cost would be something in the neighborhood of $40,000 or more, possibly a lot more. And let’s say the college is exceptionally generous and gives a $15,000 scholarship. That leaves your daughter and you a $25,000 bill, probably more, because she probably would get a smaller scholarship. How does she plan to come up with the money? Not by borrowing; she should not be borrowing a penny. Where’s the money going to come from?</p>
<p>*come home for occasional meals, laundry, fill up her gas tank, etc. and other at home things that might save her a little money. *</p>
<p>How about attending school in an area where she wont need a car?
That will save a lot right there. Neither of my kids has a car, not even the 31 yr old & she chose colleges in towns with good public transportation for that reason.
College kids, even if they only live 90 min away don’t really come home for meals or laundry although it can save time and money when they are a drivable distance in case of emergencies.</p>
<p>Most of what I find on-line with pastoral care vary from certificates to master’s only degrees. What path does she want to take? Since she seems to have just recently made this decision (accident, new church, BF), I would stick to an in-state only, can’t afford it stance. She can demand all she wants–it doesn’t change facts.</p>
<p>Has she looked into the College of the Ozarks? They offer a ministries program and the students do not pay any tuition. They are however, required to work at the college. Click on work button across the top.</p>
<p>Our church is associated with a college where most obtain their degrees in pre seminary, youth ministries or church music. These are noble careers, but they do not pay. Every week we are asked for things like - the youth minister’s coffee machine broke and can anyone donate one to her or the organist’s car needs brakes so could we pray that a generous person would help her out, etc. </p>
<p>It seems like right now it is all about her so to keep with that theme, is there a way to convince your D that obtaining a science related degree is to her benefit when it comes to ministries? She will have the advantage of going into poor communities or on mission trips and be able to guide them though ways to change their lives for the better.</p>
<p>This is probably a phase you daughter is going through. Unfortunately her timing is bad. Fortunately…phases for kids this age group are relatively short.</p>
<p>OP, have you and D visited any colleges - local or not??? You could put a positive spin on this and offer a road trip to visit schools within a couple/few hours of you - maybe putting a visual of “good things also available in state” might alter her mind. </p>
<p>Are you in Ohio? Many of us here could help you get an idea of schools in Ohio are better than others at merit/fin aid. Ohio is very fortunate to have MANY great choices, both public and private.</p>