<p>Just venting…son is in his 3rd year at a very large southern university. I say 3rd year because this will likely be a 5 year process. He’s an only child so every egg is in this basket for better or for worse. Good kid and showing some signs of maturity (held a summer job, drives himself across the country on his own, good sense of humor and others) but then real lapses in common sense…nothing awful, just things like wanting to get a puppy, not staying within a budget, probably partying too much. Grades are pretty poor and I am concerned about academic probation or worse. He’s just never been a great student and has some anxiety/ADD issues that he refuses to acknowledge or address that may impact his learning. I am a secondary school professional and work with young adults so I know that he’s miles ahead of alot of kids and miles behind some. I guess I just want him to get good grades (B’s would be fabulous) and figure out how to do that if he’s not going to address the underlying stuff. He doesn’t make extra efforts to consult with professors, study with other people, use the writing center etc…I know that I can’t make him and that frankly, at 21, he just listens to what he wants to hear. I guess I’ve put my all into this kid and I’m concerned about his academics and his future…will he be able to live on his own and provide for himself?? His major does not lead to a specific career or certification (I tried to steer him that way). I know there are many bigger problems out there but I appreciate just venting. I love my kid and want to see him make a place for himself in the world. Thanks for listening…just venting.</p>
<p>Vent away :)</p>
<p>He is who he is and at 21, it’s time to let him try to figure it all out by himself. If he fails out of school, it wasn’t meant to be.</p>
<p>He’ll find his path in life and it may be a totally different path then what your dream for him may be. </p>
<p>Love him as he is and hope for the best :)</p>
<p>Momrules,</p>
<p>I feel your pain! But if he has the issues you’re talking about and he’s passing - that’s something! </p>
<p>It could be worse.</p>
<p>Pray for him. Love him. It’s beyond your control.</p>
<p>It might be a little late for this message… but my two kids were told in no uncertain terms that they MUST finish their undergrad degrees in four years if they want me to foot the majority of the bill (I take care of tuition, books, fees, and travel; they take care of books & spending money). If they go beyond that, it will be on their own nickel. Has been pretty good incentive… Have also told them that they are responsible for their own expenses after graduating, and I do NOT expect them to move back home for more than a month or two between graduation and starting a job (summer is okay if they have grad school in the fall, but they own the grad school bill as well).</p>
<p>I would, of course, make an exception in case of illness that caused a withdrawal or something like that. But some kids need a strong nudge. Your son might be one of them. As you say, you can’t “make him” do the things he should. But you can avoid enabling bad behavior, and give him incentive to pick up his game.</p>
<p>Thanks to all for the kind words. Yes, I totally agree about finances and he is aware that the 5th year will involve loans for him. I feel mixed about the living at home for awhile thing…I could not wait to move out and away and did so right after college. However, it was a given based on my life’s choices and money. My son is spoiled (yes, bad on me)in that he’s lived a good life, not wanting for much. It was never over the top or out of control but we enabled him to do stuff that we were never able to do. So, here we sit…he knows we expect him to move on after college and support himself but what will be the reality? Intparent is totally on the mark but can he do this? I know that no one has the answer. It just feels good to talk this out. Thanks.</p>
<p>We have a way of addressing the moving back home too. But I don’t know if it would work for you, momrules.</p>
<p>It’s just an extension of the rules of childhood into a more adult phase.</p>
<p>We have house rules that young adults hate. Being home by 10:00 on weeknights and midnight on weekends. Being completely quiet in the house after 10:00 on any night. Keeping your room clean at all times. We don’t pay for recreation. We pay for gasoline for you to find a job. You’re expected to work or go to school on your dime (if you have not yet graduated). You’ll participate in household chores. You’ll have a budget and I will oversee the execution of it, since you’re basically living off me for now and the idea is that you will stop at some point…you get the idea. Kids don’t want to stay at our place very long. LOL</p>
<p>Within the next few years we are looking to move into a an over 55 place and we know that he will NOT be interested in that:). We want them to do all the moving but maybe it’s the parents that need to move:))).</p>