I could not agree with this more. It saddens me when parents are pushing to pay a lot more for a private college that the kid might not even particularly like on some sort of ROI/golden-ticket sentiment. There is almost always a better way for the kid, which might be less expensive as well. Of course if a family has a limited budget and the lowest-cost college is not the kid’s favorite (which can happen, including with famous colleges that have a big need aid budget), that’s a real issue.
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We were fortunate to be able to afford full pay at any college when our kids attended. We always expected to fully fund undergraduate school (only) and we did. That was our family choice.
Some families set a hard price limit even if they can pay more. That is their decision and it’s fine too.
The issue I see here is that the parent has conveyed that they will pay for any college and is now having second thoughts. That’s a tough position for this kid to be in considering in a month or so they could be sending applications.
Whatever a parent choice is…in my opinion, this needs to be clearly conveyed to the student before applications are sent.
Sure, there are times when family finances will necessitate a change in funding plans. That doesn’t sound like it’s the case with the OP.
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Another full pay family here that had the funds set aside for even the most expensive private. Our D fell in love with Purdue, at half the cost of our budget. For an engineer, we found the big publics to be better resourced than the smaller privates in terms of facilities, labs, research, etc… She was also in honors college which gave her even more opportunities and smaller classes. She had a fabulous undergrad experience and is very gainfully employed (and is out performing/earning friends who went to Ivies).
That said, if she had been interested in a career where connections and networking were more essential, we would have tried to steer her in a different direction. From our experience, law fits in this category.
So, if it really isn’t a hardship for you, let your D pick and encourage her to do her due diligence on where students in her major end up for summer internships, law school, etc…
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Purdue for engineering is a great example of a situation which may well be a kid’s favorite possibility even if it is not the most expensive. As you point out, the rational thing to care about is what sort of resources the college is putting toward things you actually care about. Sometimes that is going to point toward a more expensive college, but when it does not, that’s good!
So even if you are committing to pay up to the max, that doesn’t mean the conversation is over. You can still talk with your kids about things like what really matters to them, what else those funds could be used for, and so on. And then some kids will end up not choosing to spend as much as they could.
And then others will. But hopefully if this has been a meaningful, ongoing conversation, you will be OK with that choice because you will understand your kid is being thoughtful about why they are making that choice.
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I think more important is that the student fell in love with Purdue. Mine fell in love at Charleston…it was our third or forth visit. She didn’t like Tulane. She got into W&L, UF, and others and liked them fine - but I knew the minute we were at Charleston, low rank and all, that’s where she was going.
So it could be the student falls in love somewhere.
Some fall in love with rank.
Others with a school itself.
Hopefully it’s the latter - but of course, one never knows how it’s going to be when they step foot on campus as no know ones friend groups, liking of profs, etc.
But yes, spending more doesn’t necessarily mean a better experience. But certainly one can have a great experience regardless of cost.
How one can ensure that up front- that’s a tall task.
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Lol. I didn’t know that they would look at costs? Ours didn’t.
Our agreement with both kids was study hard, pick your schools to match your goals, visit schools to verify, and we will pay. So they never considered cost only match.
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I have a 30 something working for me. He said he got into both Berkeley and NYU. As a resident of CA, Berkeley would have been very inexpensive to him. He said his parents never explained to him differences in costs. He said if he had known he would have chosen Berkeley. His parents paid for everything, but he didn’t think it was worth it.
I paid for both of my kids to go to Cornell. If the other choice was Berkeley, as a non resident of CA, I wouldn’t have paid for Berkeley over Cornell. At the end of day state schools are still subject to each state’s budget constraints. I have to say that both of my kids were able to get some great internships because of the school they went to, especially my younger daughter who went into law. I know to get into law schools it’s all about grades and LSAT scores, but through D2’s internship at well known DA offices she was able to get recommendations. Those connections also helped her in getting the clerkship.
I think parents should and need to have some say about where their kids go to school because after all they are paying for it. At the same time it is good to have transparency and consistency. Communication is key here.
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Agree.
Don’t wait until April to bring up costs…
… especially if you previously said that “money is not a factor in the decision”…
Agree with other posters that this is a personal decision as cost is not really a factor.
Law school admissions is primarily about one’s undergraduate GPA and one’s LSAT score. However, the decision regarding whether or not to attend law school may be better facilitated by attending an elite private college or university as many of the nation’s top law firms and best public legal offices offer jobs as paralegals to those from the nation’s most elite schools. This 2 year paid commitment exposes recent college graduates to real life legal experiences at the best law firms and top public legal offices in the nation.
Nevertheless, if your daughter intends to remain in South Carolina for her professional career, then attending an in-state university may be her best option in order to establish connections.
What if your daughter decides against attending law school ? In this case, her best option may be to attend the most prestigious college or university which offers her major as pedigree does open a lot of doors for humanities majors.
P.S. Does your daughter have any thoughts about the practice of law regarding type of law, geographic location, and/or size of law firm or type of entity (non-profit, government, private practice) ?
Thank you to everyone for your comments - very helpful. Yes we are able and happy to pay for anywhere D chooses to go, and we are not changing our stance.
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I frequently accuse my own S24 of being allergic to merit. He protests, but then his actions say otherwise.
Anyway, I actually more meant that some kids with a “blank check” will have a favorite for other reasons, and then it will end up not their most expensive option. Like some kids end up wanting to go to a public like Purdue for various reasons. Some might like an honors college, or a named scholarship (which is sorta a cost thing but also more than that), and so on.
That said, supposedly (again I have no personal experience with this) some kids will in fact want to save money for other purposes. Of course it helps if they are convinced it actually will be saved. My S24 frequently suggested anything he didn’t spend would just go to a basement speakeasy, and I have NO IDEA why he would think that. But if you can credibly give your kid savings options, they might well see the virtue in considering them.
Many students change their mind about law school. Most top tier students don’t get into a school like Duke. Much of this will be sorted out for you and is beyond your control.
For the majority of career paths, a school like Duke and your state university will provide similar outcomes. For a small number of lucrative career paths, going to a highly selective school matters very much.
Can you go to Northwestsoutheastern Backwoods Tech and get into Harvard law? Yes. Do more students from a school like Georgetown get into top tier law schools? Yes. Is that because of the school, or because of the bright students? It is likely a bit of both.
You have a very intelligent and motivated daughter who has only one life. If they are fortunate enough to get accepted to a highly selective school, they want to attend and you have the means to provide this special experience & the network that comes from it, a sound argument can be made to provide this for her.
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Lots and lots of options and it all depends on individual circumstances.
Our kids never saw college finances as revenue sources, but rather long term investments.
This may be more of a case of financial backgrounds. Our kids went from piggy banks to savings accounts in grade school, then brokerage accounts in middle school. We encouraged them to invest wisely. But we never tied education funds to their investments.
D is a rising junior in college. One that she chose and we are paying for. Her brokerage account currently holds six figures and is closing in on a two handle. But again, we never gave the option to divert education funds to investments.
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In the stone age when i was applying to colleges, my parents said “we have this much money saved for you. (It was a lot.) You can use it for college, grad, school, a car, a house, however you want to stretch it.” I found that to be a really helpful way for me to look at it. I got into three Ivy’s, and a state school (William & Mary) and I had scholarships that were only applicable if I remained in state. They gave me the freedom to choose and looking at the math, I decided on the state school (and their $ also covered law school, my first car, and a little bit left over.)
So when the time came, I did the same for my kids. We are not willing to pay four years at a potentially $80k-$90k pricetag, so while we agreed that we’d commit to pay for four years of school, we said four years at X or less. We explained that meant that there was a total of 4X and they could distribute it across future expenses. My older kid built a list with no schools with an expected cost (after merit) greater than X. Then when he got in and was evaluating them, he ultimately chose the most expensive school, because it was the best fit. He won’t get anything towards grad school / car / house. My younger son is applying this year. I don’t think he’ll end up with one of the less expensive options, but he’s crafted a list that’s not at the top end either.
I think what this all boils down to, really, is communication. You tell your D that yes, you are willing to pay for any school she gets in to - and if she chooses the $90k/year school, you can fund that. But let her know that she can also make a choice - and if that school doesn’t feel like it’s worth the cost differential to her, then she can use the money for something else. If she doesn’t need it for law school or a car right now, then you can help her open an investment portfolio and she can put it aside for future use.
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OP- you know your kid, we don’t. At every college in America (with the exception of the conservatories and military academies) there are kids majoring in beer pong and frat parties. And at every college in America, there are kids going to symposia and listening to cool speakers and attending concerts and poetry readings and debates sponsored by the political clubs and visiting the college museum or rare book room with a professor giving a talk on a piece of art and why it’s significant.
If your kid is likely to take advantage of the “non curricular” riches of a private college, that’s a good reason to consider (not an obligation, but to consider) paying for private. If your kid is going to do the problem-sets, hand in papers, and spend the rest of the time watching reruns of “Friends” with the gang in the dorm… then perhaps not.
We can’t advise you on what kind of kid you have. There was a long list of private colleges I was unwilling to pay full freight for, and a shorter list of private colleges where I was willing to pay. My kids all knew I was unwilling to pay for nicer weather, better dorms, better food, better parties, closer to ski slopes or surfing, etc. They could become self-supporting adults and take great vacations if that’s what they wanted to do with their discretionary funds- but I wasn’t going to pay for it out of the carefully saved college funds we’d put away.
More academic rigor? Absolutely. Better lab, library facilities? Yes. Professors who are considered the top of their fields doing cutting edge work and including undergrads in that work? Absolutely. Fellowships and study abroad opportunities for students who knock the cover off the ball and get faculty endorsements? Yes.
But I wasn’t paying for Disneyland. And having watched friends write those checks so their kids could spend every weekend on “road trips” (when do the papers get written? When does the lab report get collated? Beats me) I wasn’t interested in funding a four year vacation.
So this needs to be a conversation with your D. And for us it wasn’t about grades- get a B minus in a hard class which is well above your comfort zone- hey, that’s a noble B minus. Get a string of A’s in classes which only take half an hour of work a week? I’m not paying full freight for those. Stretch yourself. Go hear the Dalai Lama debate Bill Clinton on “what will peace look like” or attend a symposium of geneticists debating AI and neonatal care. That’s what you’re paying for.
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We discussed the choices for college applications with our kids before they applied…and we parents had to agree on the colleges. This was not a big problem because our kids didn’t apply to a lot of colleges, and they made good choices.
We were willing to pay for all of the options they presented to us.
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Another in the “we can pay in full but will not do so” camp.
College is most likely among the biggest financial decisions that your child will be a part of - until they are making college decisions about their own children.
Our kids know our financial situation, but they also understand the value of money. We have told them that they can either have a really expensive college degree, or a college degree and a big downpayment on a house. It is, in essence, their money, so they need to decide between us writing a check to a college for all of it, or writing a smaller check to a college and giving them the rest, it changes their thinking a lot. Also, it will help them when they are making this decision in the future for their own kids.
High stats kid, but we have a reasonable list of affordable options (with merit) and she is genuinely excited about the schools on the list.
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We are fortunate to be in the camp of can do full pay camp comfortably. We live below our means and are generally frugal but we agreed that education was an area we were willing to splurge. Both kids knew they could go wherever as long as they had legitimate reasons for doing so.
Both kids were extremely grateful to be in this situation. My oldest fell inlove with her safety me ended up at the least expensive option but she made the decision not based on the cost. What’s wonderful is that she is in a 6 year program and we are more than happy to fully find it especially given the undergrad cost savings.
My youngest chose the very expensiveoption but it is also the college she fell inlove with and where we could absolutely see her fitting in and taking advantages of all the opportunities it offeredThe price
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We are also a family who could pay full pay wherever our kids got in. Our oldest goes to our state flagship, next is going to a trade school out of state and our youngest turned down University of Chicago this year for Lehigh University where he is getting a full ride (ROTC scholarship and a matching 4-year room and board scholarship from Lehigh). He chose Lehigh over Chicago because he likes the thought of being a self-made man and it made him feel good to know how much they wanted him there. So maybe your daughter would feel the same. It feels good when a college is offering you incentives because they want you there.
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Having graduated from “non-prestigious” schools, I can say it doesn’t really matter much. A strong state university with top grades is just as valuable as an expensive private school, if not more so. Large state universities usually have a much wider selection of majors than private schools. Employability and/or graduate school is really more about major than school brand name.
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