Parent input re college selection

Parents Forum
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It’s almost time for D (our youngest) to submit applications and I would love to hear thoughts re college selection.

D is at the top of her class, 34 ACT ss, great extras and recommendations - thinks she wants to major in public policy and then go to law school. She’s applying to our 2 big state schools - she likely would go for free (or close) to both with state scholarships and other merit money. However, she really likes a lot of reach expensive private schools - we have visited some, but for the ones farther away (like Ivies) we don’t plan to visit unless and until she gets in, and we know they are big reaches.

We can afford to send D anywhere - we are fortunate to have high income, savings and investments - we are older parents and have socked away money since our 20s and invested aggressively which has paid off. We will not get a nickel of need-based anything.

I’m now starting to question the wisdom of paying full-rate for a school like Duke, Georgetown, Ivies, etc. - even if D were to get in. Again we can afford it, and it’s not about us being greedy - more than anything we want D to be happy and we want our wealth to benefit our kids (and their descendants) and not as much us (we live happy and comfortably). But we can also send D to a state flagship, D would get a solid honors education, and then we could give D the money we would have spent for an expensive private undergrad.

I’m sorry to ramble like this. It’s just that we have saved and invested and parented for many years with the goal of being able to send D anywhere she can get in - but now that application season is upon us I’m questioning whether expensive private undergrad is worth it at all. Any thoughts (or taking me off the ledge!) would be appreciated.

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This is talked about on CC quite a lot. IMO each family’s circumstances are unique, as is their prioritization of factors and trade offs that are part of the decision.

What have you told you D over the years? IMO if the talk has been we’ve got college covered at full price, it could be difficult to now set a budget lower than that. Just another factor to consider.

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Does the amount you are willing to fund for her education cover expensive undergraduate + expensive law school? If it is less than that, you may want to inform her early that there is $___ available for her education and let her make her own choice regarding how much to spend for undergraduate, which would affect how much she would have for law school before having to go into debt for that.

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There isn’t just one right answer. It depends on the public schools in question, the private schools in question, the needs of the student, the personality of the student, the likely major, the intended career path, the geographic area in which your student may want to live.

In our own case, we were full pay and could have paid, but didn’t want to pay $90K/yr for an education we didn’t think was much, if any, higher quality than the $22K school, especially for the major and career our student is pursuing. Both schools met the educational, social, and career preparation goals of our student, so we went with the cheaper option. We continue to think our child will benefit from the extra money more in the future, especially because the career path is a low paying and unpredictable one.

On the other hand we have close friends who are paying full freight in order to send their student to a $90K school on the coast that is a “feeder” to careers in the financial world. They have a very different kid, with a very different planned path than our own, so their decision was very different.

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It is an entirely personal decision with no “right” or “wrong” answer.

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Great point. We have expressed to all of our kids that we would save and take care of college, and that they are able to go anywhere that admits them. We have let our kids make the final decision of where to go. And while our kids don’t know our exact income and investments, they know we do well. And if D gets in an expensive reach and wants to go there, of course we will pay for that. I’m just having this kind of last minute personal crisis of if undergrad is all worth it.

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Yes, we are willing and able to pay all of that, and D won’t need loans. I’m just having this personal moment of whether expensive undergrad is all worth it.

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Totally personal call.

It’s not about what can you afford.

It’s about how much you want to or are willing to afford.

Many of us are full pay parents not willing to pay in full. In may case, I dont’ think it’s worth it. There are plenty on here who absolutely think certain colleges are worth it.

Some may say - U Michigan or UCB at $80K - not worth it because they are just big bureacracies. But a Rice at $80K, well worth it - as an example - so some will find “worth” even based on school type.

I’ll share this with you - in regards to law school - it’s going to be your GPA, GMAT, and for some, work experience that matters.

So look at Harvard Law - 147 colleges represented this year - schools like Arizona State, LSU, Montclair State, Alabama, Ole Miss and more. The first year class is 564 - so not that big for all those schools.

Penn has 239 colleges represented in the student body (not first year).

UVA - this year 144 including 5 from Arkansas. Last year 131 including 4 from Oklahoma. In 2024, 133 schools and in 2023 144 schools.

Yes, more will come from top schools because they were top students to begin with - but going to a higher ranked school doesn’t necessarily give you better odds. There are studs like your daughter at every flagship in America - and she will be successful no matter where she goes.

So what you’re willing to afford matters - and don’t forget, grad school can be $300K more.

I do agree - you’ve hopefully had these chats before because it is hard to change what you’ve told a student previously.

There’s many a school for students like yours where merit is possible - so maybe they’re not Ivy level, but they might be considered a “step up” from a state school - schools like Brandeis, Rochester, William & Mary - that are not $90K plus (well if you get merit). W&M is mid 60s full pay.

Or many public colleges have Honors programs - some really good. And those are great bargains - many Ivy level kids getting school for a steal.

Best of luck to your student and you as you navigate through the budget process.

Good luck

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A few thoughts - you say that D is your youngest. Are you comfortable changing the rules vs your other kids - or maybe that is not the case. IE: go local and get the difference in funds.

We feel that our kids received an amazing education at their expensive private colleges and have no regrets. We did have certain expectations for them as students including using all the benefits offered at the school, establishing relationships with professors and career services. Obviously, we have no clue what it would have been like if they chose our state flagship - different but also maybe alike too???

Part of me thinks you are making problems you do not have yet, unless your daughter is wanting to ED to one of private schools. You can wait and see where she is accepted, visit and you may be surprised that she likes one of the more inexpensive options. It just seems to me that you may be changing the rules mid-game. Of course, you can do anything you want, but it seems late to be thinking about limiting the options.

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Great points. Our older 2 went to state schools even though they were accepted to some good privates. It’s fine with us for D to go to a private, we will gladly pay, and so we aren’t changing our rule of “you can go wherever you are admitted”. And yes D is considering ED to one of them and so it’s not totally wait and see (but will be that way if she isn’t admitted to the ED).

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I concur of course with all the input that says every case is different, and it seems like you’re hearing it.

If I were in your shoes, I think one thing that might weigh on the decision would be if the student had a “special reason”—there are innumerable ones—to have her heart set on a particular expensive private.

So let’s say she really likes the idea of a core curriculum like Columbia’s, where everybody shares a similar educational experience—and thinks living in NYC would be a fantastic education in itself… Or loves the particular brand of intellectual seriousness at the University of Chicago. I could go on. Every place has something special about it—from the trivial to the profound.

And even trivial things, in my view, can legitimately increase the allure of a place.

I’m not including prestige for prestige’s sake as a “legitimate” consideration—though heaven knows for some people it is one too.

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Since you can afford and willing to pay for most colleges, I would let your D pick after all the admission results come out. Once she knows what schools accepting her, you guys can go over pro and con, ROI for each school. For my S24, schools admitted him have COA range from $20K to $60K. Since we can afford all of them, we let him pick. He ended up picked one of the in-state publics with COA $40K, because he like the vibe and direct admission to his major.

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If she has her heart set on policy, you may want to narrow in. Some will have a policy major but many will not. That doesn’t mean they don’t offer it. But my daughter’s school doesn’t have but it is an optional track in the Poli sci major. Other schools have a PPE major which many like but it’s not policy per se.

I would look deeper beyond the name and at curriculums to ensure that what she wants to study is even offered by the schools she’s thinking about. It would stink to get there to find out - I don’t like these majors.

She may also look at things such as a DC term (most have) or special programs.

Some lesser known and less selective schools have prestigious programs. My daughter goes to a regional but turned down much higher ranked publics and privates and is in a sub group of Honors and has access to multiple mentors, including professional. Has dined and met with ambassadors and other dignitaries. At other higher ranked schools, that may or may not have happened but she would not have stood out from all the other outstanding students.

Does something like that interest her ? If so she should look for programs with extras that the normal student may not have access to.

I didn’t know it as a prospective parent. Perhaps my kid didn’t either. Ok I’m sure she didn’t. Just landed in her lap. She just loved the location and campus and people.

But there really is so much to research beyond a name - curriculums, extras available etc - as you have to be somewhere for four years, day after day.

However it ends up, it’s great you are supportive of her and I wish you well through the process.

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Since you have the money squared away and it will not be a hardship, I say let your D pick. Looks like she’s done well up to this point, otherwise she would not be in this position of being competitive enough to apply.

I speak from the very green perspective of having only an incoming freshman but there is something really special about your kid going to a school where they feel like they belong.

In a similar but different vein, I had questioned the wisdom/practicality of my son picking a school that was ranked lower or perhaps had less prestige than some of the other schools he was accepted to but after seeing him descend on campus and fully immerse himself with the students there at the admitted students program, it was truly kind of magical to see him with a light that I had never seen before. Granted, he is getting some financial aid assistance but if I had your circumstances, I can say that it would be worth paying the full $90+K for it.

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I think one thing that’s missing here is a frank discussion with your daughter. No matter what the choice ends up being, I think it’s a good idea to talk to her about the added value she expects to get from a specific school vs saving that money for the future. That discussion wouldn’t be to guilt her or back out on your commitment, but she’s an adult and should be brought into the conversation. I believe it’s important for kids to understand that parents struggle with these decisions too, more $ doesn’t always equal better outcome, and just because you have the $ to buy a lamborghini doesnt mean a minivan wouldn’t be a better choice. You know, all those life lessons :blush:.

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We were a full pay family. Our kids knew we could and would pay for any college to which they got accepted…and we did.

If you have been telling your kids you will pay for any college at any cost, and are now changing the rules, please share this with your kids before they send applications.

This is your decision to make as parents…but it does sound like you are making a substantial change in your POV.

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I agree there is no objectively right or wrong answer, and I also agree it is important to be consistent with your kids about what answer you are going with.

If it helps at all–and you definitely do not need to think this way–in my view the ultimate purpose of money is for someone to spend it. And when a family has more money than it strictly speaking needs, you can give it away, but you also can spend some on what you might define as luxuries, including nice but not necessary upgrades of things.

And you can spend a little bit at a time on a lot of different luxuries that add up over time. Or you can spend a lot all at once on a big luxury. And people can of course do some of both.

I think it is fair to say a full pay private college is a luxury. And it is an expensive luxury you pay for more or less all at once. On the other hand, it is four years (or more), and involves a lot of different things, so it makes some sense “upgrading” all that would be expensive.

So if you can comfortably afford it, and instead choose to save it–OK, but then what else are you going to spend it on? Will whatever you spend it on be more valuable?

I think if the answer is you will give it away to people who really need it, that might well be a pretty compelling answer. But if you are just saving it to spend on other luxuries, then that’s fine, but not necessarily a lot different from spending it on the luxury of a certain college experience.

So again, I don’t think anyone has to think this way. But I personally think if you can comfortably afford it, this is one of many reasonable ways you could chose to spend some money. Up to you.

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We have wondered the same thing.

I agree with being consistent if you have more than one child. I also agree with the idea that being full pay at a private university is an expensive luxury. It is okay to spend some money on expensive luxuries if you can comfortably afford it.

However, if you are going to spend significant funds for an expensive luxury, you should make an effort to make sure that it is a good fit. As one example, it does not matter whether or not I can afford a Lamborgini. It would not be a good fit for me. What I am driving (a Subaru) is a far better fit for me even if it is a fraction of the price.

Similarly one daughter was interested in Bowdoin, but ended up at a far more affordable small university in Canada. Either one would provide a very strong education and very good research opportunities. She confided in me recently that after all was said and done she thinks that where she went was a better fit for her (and it has helped her get where she wants to be, which right now is a PhD program at one of the very good private universities in the US). Bowdoin is a great school and might be a better fit for some other students. However, just because it is famous and expensive does not mean that you have to go there, even if you get in and can afford it. I would say the same about Harvard or MIT or Stanford.

We do have some experience with more affordable universities (whether a public university in the US or a school in Canada) leading to a graduate program at one of those famous highly ranked universities in the US. Certainly there can be many very good outcomes whichever way a student goes.

I also do not think that there is any one right answer.

And I think that for those who can afford it, whether it is worth it is a tough question.

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Sometimes the child is more fiscally conservative than the parents when they get to the final decision making days.

Let them compare the options. Have discussions about their option with the funds.

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Congratulations on being in such an enviable position. Add me to the voice of: if it doesn’t make a dent in your lifestyle or retirement plans, and that is what you have promised (we made the same promise, that we would pay for undergrad for them) then let them choose. It’s not unreasonable to flinch at potentially such a high cost, and to wonder if any particular school is “worth it”. We too wondered if a particular school was “worth” what it would have cost if one of our kids hand’t won merit scholarships. But we promised to pay and we would have, even if we flinched, because we made a promise we intended to keep. It’s a wonderful gift to be able to give your kids. Congrats!

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