Hoping some ‘seasoned’ parents can help me. My son took a gap year last year and came back so mature and self-assured. I was also sure that his college choice, Brandeis, was no longer the right fit for him. He seemed more adventurous and mature that he needed a more city-like environment than small town Waltham college life. But, we encouraged him to go regardless as he was willing. After only 2 months there he’s telling us he doesn’t like it - doesn’t like college altogether and feels confused about his future. He’s a music lover, guitar player and thought music major would be his bag, but turns out he’s not feeling that working out. Now, he’s looking at all his classes and wondering if anything appeals to him. He’s utterly confused. For 62K a year, Brandeis University does not seem to be worth it while he figures this out. So, now what? Encourage him to try another school? tough it out another semester? He’s utterly at a crossroads with no direction whatsoever.
I’d have him finish out the year with the best grades he can. This could just be ‘re-entry blues’ after a year off or the general letdown that many freshman experience at some point during first year when they realize that even a dream school has faults. The malaise generally passes once they find friends and get engaged academically. If he still feels like it’s not a fit in the spring, he can apply transfer. In the meantime, he can change majors and experiment with classes in different areas.
Remind him that he needs to keep the transfer possibility to himself - if people think he’s ‘doing time’ until he can leave, they will not make the effort to develop relationships with him. No one wants to be with the person whose always complaining or planing to leave - too much cognitive dissonance for those who plan to stay on.
First question, is it college or this school’s environment causing him to not like college? He could be a bit depressed about “letting music go” as a major/career, which is also leading him to feel confused. Maybe there are some music management directions (like business courses) he could take to at least stay related to the industry if he chooses?
If he waits till spring and doesn’t like this particular school still (versus college altogether), he has missed the transfer window and has another miserable year ahead and no way out except to come home to a cc. Most transfer apps are due around mid Jan to beginning of Feb, but for some like the UCs it is much earlier (November). Not that you are looking at those, just to show how different and early different schools can be.
It seems he has outgrown this particular school as you thought he had. I have one that is artsy, super mature along with adventurous, and would never last in a quiet or smaller school, needs the va va voom and challenges of a big school. If he is mature like you say, you should be able to have a candid discussion about what is right and wrong, and what he is looking for at school, and in what type school. Perhaps you could do some preliminary research for him so he can keep up the good grades so he is prepared for any change.
Sounds like your gut told you this wasn’t right going in, but for $62K someone should be happy. Discuss and look for options, if needed, sooner than later. Agree with keeping it to himself aside from talking with an advisor/counselor at school. Best to you - good luck!