It’s sounding more like this is a drama reaction by mom…and dad is following his wife’s lead for marital harmony.
Mom is annoyed that DD was “grade flakey” her first couple of years of high school, and is “chore flakey” at home, so mom sees college as a way to “put the breaks” on DD. Mom has essentially declared that DD doesn’t deserve to have $200k+ spent on her college education because of all the “flakiness”.
My gut tells me that if DD gets her act together, gets top grades, behaves at home (curfews, chores, no smart-mouth, etc), that her parents will end up paying most/all of a UC-like school.
However, just to protect herself, DD needs to apply to a few schools that provide huge merit. Having those in her pocket will also likely inspire her parents to get on board with college costs.
In the meantime…shape up!!!