<p>I’ve been asked to give a speech to the parents of incoming freshmen at my school’s new parent orientation. The focus is mainly a student perspective on the changing relationship and needs between new college students and their parents. I’ve got some examples from my own life and have already talked to my mom about things she wishes she would have known, but overall the transition for us went relatively smoothly.</p>
<p>So, do any of you have things you know now, but wish you would have heard before leaving your kids at college for the first time?</p>
<p>Professor Marshal Duke had some great advice in a Parent’s session at Emory’s orientation
[Parenting</a> a College Student: What To Expect | Emory University | Atlanta, GA](<a href=“http://shared.web.emory.edu/emory/news/releases/2009/08/parenting-a-college-student.html]Parenting”>http://shared.web.emory.edu/emory/news/releases/2009/08/parenting-a-college-student.html)
For empty nesters: it takes several years to completely adjust to not having to parent on a daily basis.<br>
Also, have your serious talks BEFORE you get to campus with your kid but that is a bit too late for new parent orientation if everyone is already on campus.<br>
Overall, have taken two children to college and observed countless others, the child seems to do better than the parents. While the child is very nervous, they adjust much more quickly than the parents seem to. Tell them, the kid will be all right.</p>
<p>For Parents: This is the accomplishment of your job as a parent, to raise an independent young adult. Let them grow and learn.</p>
<p>For kids: Please, please keep in contact with mom and dad on a regular basis. We want to celebrate the new things you are going through AND we want to know you aren’t dead.</p>
<p>I heartily agree with what purduemom wrote.</p>
<p>College is a time for parents to let go with love while letting their kids put to use all of the things their parents have taught them. Part of this letting go involves negotiating with students reasonable ways of keeping in touch so parents don’t worry.</p>
<p>It also would be helpful for parents to know that particularly freshmen are most likely to call/contact parents when things aren’t going that well including when students are lonely due to not making frirends yet. When things are going wonderfully, students tend to be so involved in their lives that they don’t contact parents as frequently.</p>
<p>On a practical level, new college students have strong opinions about communication technologies, and when to use each one. For example, some parents think it’s no intrusion to cell-phone (when the parent gets a breather at work, for example) while the student feels a text message is more discreet while a kid is walking across campus among a group of friends. Some parents think it only “counts” if the student phones them, while the student wants to email at 3 a.m. not to wake a parent but still get in a weekly (or daily) communication that “counts.” </p>
<p>Perhaps parents will need to upgrade their emailing, texting, IM’ing etc to be in synch with the student’s new life. At least have a mutual discussion about “how we will stay in touch now” that is not a dictation to the departing student of what form that must take. It’s time for mutuality. Perhaps try a system/plan for a few weeks and then evaluate, mutually, how it’s going for both.</p>
<p>The following tends to be mostly true for parents of girls, but it may apply to both genders. We were told this by a Dean at D’s college who had college students herself, but as the parent of a college senior I have found it to be true:</p>
<p>At some point, you will get the “Everything is awful!” phone call. Roommate problem, professor problem, sickness, etc… It will inevitably come at 11 pm. You will reassure your kid, give them some advice or direction, then go to bed and not sleep all night. You will worry about your kid for the next 3 or 4 days. Then you’ll finally call them back - only to find out that whatever the problem was got resolved the next morning, and all is great! Moral of the story - kids vent their problems to the parents. The very act of venting makes the kid feel better. Somehow it doesn’t have the same effect on the parent, though…</p>
<p>"AND we want to know you aren’t dead. " - That’s funny. S is going to college 2000 miles away, and we’ve explained that we need at least weekly communication, which I think could be email or text. (Husband I think wants a call. I do too, but I know the kid is not a big talker.) Anyway, I called it the “heartbeat” communication, to know he’s still ok.</p>