Our child was accepted to Clemson, U of SC, Penn State, Pitt, U of Delaware, JMU, and West Virginia. She has happily decided to attend Delaware. I am ecstatic for her as I think it checks many of her boxes: direct admit into major, cute college town, flat campus, close enough to home (5 hours).
My spouse however, feels like it isn’t “prestigious” enough compared to others on her list. (they went to a VERY prestigious school) I know deep down they’re worried about what other people think of her choice, especially when our nephews are both in Ivies. I could care less and I rarely play the comparison game in life. I know most folks in our area know nothing about Delaware and it doesn’t have the name recognition like some of the other schools.
Has anyone else dealt with this? Spouse was not able to go on any college tours with us so they may change their tune once they see the campus for themselves. Hopefully?
Your kid is going to college, not your spouse. I hope they understand that.
University of Delaware is a terrific school. And it’s right up there with all those other public universities to which your kid was accepted.
I really do hope your spouse lets your kid make this choice happily.
A visit to Delaware might help. It’s a gorgeous campus!
This was us. Both of us are Ivy grads. Family currently at T10s. We just assumed our kid would at least apply to our alma mater. She hated it when visiting. Felt it was a terrible fit. She gravitated to the big state flagships. She refused to apply to the “prestigious” schools we visited.
She graduated last year from Purdue. It was an amazing experience for her and I can’t imagine one thing she missed out on by attending Purdue. She had close relationships with professors, studied abroad, had tremendous job opportunities, did research, graduated with certifications, concentration, and honors, etc…. And had fun doing it and was a very happy undergrad. Met a fabulous group of friends.
She’s happily employed in her field, and had the job offer before the start of her senior year.
No regrets and we wear our Purdue swag with pride.
Big congrats to your child!
I am sorry that you are experiencing this as it sounds frustrating. You know that this is his issue…and not anybody else’s.
I hope your daughter loves it (great school!) and your husband changes his tune when he sees how happy she is. I agree that a visit might help.
he has definitely kept his insecurities from our child and celebrated her decision with swag, hugs, and dinner out. he may just need time to digest it. He wants all the best things in life for her but I have to remind him that a college name or prestige does not define anyone or guarantee more money or happiness in life.
But four years of college at a place the kid loves CAN create a lot of happiness. And happy kids do better than unhappy ones in college.
Every Delaware grad we know has a great job and is very happy and successful.
She is happy. That is all that matters. It’s his issue to work through. Glad he isn’t letting her know how he feels.
we struggle with this a little in our house too with a kid who was outstanding in high school and chose to go to UGA over places like UCLA, and never even gave any considerastion to others like Emory or Wash U (and never even applied to Ivies or Michigan or my wife’s alma mater, a top LAC).
she is very happy as a freshman at UGA and involved in things I don’t think she would have had the confidence to go for at other schools. but I can’t ignore the chip on our shoulder my wife and I have. I think our daughter is a bigger person than us and doesn’t have that chip but I can’t really get inside her mind so maybe she does a little. if she does it’s just going to motivate her, I think.
As someone who went to a high prestige college, I will say it took me awhile to “get over” that isn’t my kids path. (Though I will say I got over it when they were in about 8-9th grade not 12th 
Anyway. while it is silly to worry a lot about prestige, if one has lived in a certain mindset a long time, it can take a bit to jump over.
That said, I truly think U Del i just as prestigious (if not more so) than most of that list? Maybe PSU is a fraction of a degree higher, but that really is only name recognition from sports! So I am not even sure where they are coming from!
My 22 year old is a UD honors graduate, HS stats 3.9+ uw, 8th in her class, 9 AP’s (all accepted by UD so she graduated a year early), 34 ACT. All of her friends she met freshman year had similar stats or higher (her friend from HS who attended was 2nd in their class, 35 ACT). She LOVED UD, is currently at BU for her DPT (she turned down NYU, northeastern, and many others). My 21 year old is at Clemson, loves it (it’s very fun, but so is UD). She’s rocking it with a 4.0 and received so many internship offers for this summer (actuary). It’s all about what they do when they get there, and it helps if it’s a great experience, UD offers so much, students are happy, Back in the day my husband’s best friend turned down Georgetown for a full ride at UD (our NJ HS sends very few graduates to UD). He was very successful (attorney). Fit is SO important.
fit is SO important, you are right. I am absolutely confident this is the right place for her. I knew it the moment we walked onto campus.
Wonderful that she is accepted to a school she loves. Meanwhile, Delaware is on a level with her other accceptances; i dont understand which of them he thinks is light years above Delaware. Please have a private discussion with him about being supportive of and happy for your daughter, as opposed to showing his disappointment that she is not going to a highly selective school.
I think it’s easy when you’re in the middle of college application craziness to almost forget that it’s not just a stepping stone to other bigger, better things, but it’s a place where you’ll LIVE and spend your world for four years. Not that prestige = misery or that less prestige = happiness, but I would take a great fit even over a full ride at a big-name school where your child might not thrive.
I hope that you all are able to do a revisit day. My husband graduated from UD many many years ago, and we stopped there for lunch when were relocating. The campus is gorgeous. And the kids look like they’re so happy. I’m certain your husband will be more excited for your daughter once he’s able to get a better feel for where she’ll be living/studying etc.
We had a similar situation this year that rears its head once in a while. H and I both went to Ivys, doctoral and post-doctoral at Ivys. My extended family are the same. My kid is high stats and I guess everyone assumed he would apply to the big names.
High school was a pressure cooker, and my son was never able to extract himself from the college grind focus. I heard my kid wondering if this is what life is going to be like, just a series of grinding steps to get to the next. I thrive on pressure and competition and it took me a while to realize that my kid might thrive in a different environment. H was on board until he started getting comments from his side of the family. Once in a while he would walk into the room and say it wouldn’t hurt to throw in an application to “insert name of Ivy.”
When your spouse sees how happy his child is at U of Delaware all the worry about prestige will fade over time. I do think it helps to see your child on the campus they choose and how excited they look. I knew we were doing the right thing when my kid broke into a huge smile at the school on the top of his list and I could feel the stress and anxiety lift from him.
Congratulations to your daughter on finding a great fit. Your spouse just needs a little more time to resolve his own feelings on this.
This post is a little confusing to me. She doesn’t have an option to go somewhere “more prestigious.” FWIW, I think U Del is the best school of her choices.
I know plenty of successful Delaware grads and I must say that the campus is amazing. I agree that the schools on this list are similar in terms of “prestige.”
Is grad school a possibility? If so, this is just the first step in a series of schools and decisions.
Did your student even apply to “high pedigree”? If not, it’s not really a discussion that can be had at this point.
There are likely Ivy and similar caliber accepted students at every school on your list.
Kids go to schools for many reasons - location, money, sports, enrichment opportunities, etc.
Many kids choose safeties over higher level - both mine did. One is out and at a high salary as an engineer - from an unranked school (by choice) and working with kids from Michigan, CWRU, etc.
The other is at #16 she got into of 17 but like your kid - she happily attends. She’s in several Honors programs, worked at a DC think tank in the Fall and for our state last summer. Her bff got into Rice, Vandy and Penn and goes to a regional state school.
It’s the kid, moreso than the school, that will determine success.
That she’s happily decided to attend a school is all I need to hear.
I’d say get a new spouse :). They should support your kid.
I’ll be honest tho - I was the same - openly bummed my kid chose Alabama over Purdue for engineering.
As he tells me - the parents have no clue. The real world doesn’t care. Only the ranking industry that steals parents money does.
In his case, he was correct. I have no idea about my second but so far from what I’ve seen, she will not lack for opportunity - but that continues to be on her personally.
I think UD is a fantastic choice because she’s happily accepted it amongst other fantastic choices. I don’t know her but I surmise there will be many more equally or more accomplished academically on campus with her.
If these are her only acceptances, there’s really no reason for debate.
You’re spending your hard earned money. Why would anyone choose to be a consumer and spend their hard earned money at a place where they have no interest. I don’t like sushi - so I don’t spend my money at sushi places.
All that said - the struggle/argument with the kids has the potential downside of fraying their relationship.
And guess what - she’s going to UD. She’s happy.
They need to share in the happiness before they take a proud moment away.
Best of luck.
Even if you view this in terms of bragging rights - which you shouldn’t but it sounds like spouse it already there - if Delaware is the right fit for her, then she will THRIVE. Your spouse will get to brag about how well she’s doing and how she’s kicking butt in all her classes and doing some exciting activities on the side. If Prestige U is not the right fit for her and she went because of parental pressure, there’s a good chance she’d be miserable and miserable students are rarely successful students. Not much to brag about there (“Yes, she goes to my alma mater - smart girl! - but she’s failing most of her classes and just plays videos games all night because she hates every moment that she’s there - but yay! Prestigious name!”)
My wife is a UD alum and my kid attended Brown. She reminds him that our current President is a Blue Hen and that Janet Yellen (Brown alum) works for President Biden.
Congratulations on a great admit!