<p>As my younger sister is preparing to leave for college, my (separated) mom is getting some serious separation anxiety. Naturally, I’m entwined into this family drama.</p>
<ul>
<li>For the past week, I’ve been getting an average of six phone calls per day.</li>
<li>My mom is asking me for advice on how to move to the opposite coast so she can follow my sister to college.</li>
<li>She’s recently started to try to also micromanage my life again (to very little success)</li>
</ul>
<p>My mom’s getting ridiculously needy, and I feel like things are going to get much worse if I don’t handle this situation correctly. I think part of it is attributed to the fact that ever since freshman year, I never went back home for breaks as my mom had expected.</p>
<p>I’m just wondering what’s the best way to handle the situation. Any thoughts?</p>
<p>A move to the city where your sister will be attending college is extreme , IMO. Maybe you should have a chat with her about it and express your concerns. Suggest she find some interests to keep her busy, or get back in touch with some old friends.
I think a lot of us parents enjoy the company of our dogs when our kids get older and ready to leave the nest</p>
<p>I do believe your mom may benefit from counseling, but just really curious…why have you not been home in 4 years? (based on what you said and your “2012” Graduation year on you signature.) I am sure if I sent my child off to college and they didn’t return for years, I too would be a bit freaked out at the prospect of sending another with potenially the same result. Add a seperation with my husband, and I certainly can see how that would make me feel like I was on the edge.</p>
<p>Well moving is extreme, and it’s okay to say “hey, that’s prob not a good idea” but it won’t kill you to listen to your needy mom, even 6 times a day (but go ahead and tell her you can’t talk between noon and 4, or whatever) . Even moms are people, and need someone to talk to, worry with, etc. If you have a truly dysfunctional mom, or there’s some reason you haven’t been home in so long, then I suppose you can always screen her calls. Could you offer to call her the same day/time every week? Then you would be in control of some of this, and she might feel more like she matters. Or, could you offer to take a trip to see your sister at some point next year? Try to hear the micromanaging as her worry, and accept it without investing in it. She can give you all sorts of advice/demand and that doesn’t obligate you to apply it, but it’s always best to be nice when we can.</p>
<p>If things get worse, it won’t be because of you, it will be because of mom’s choices and reactions. You aren’t able to micromanage that.</p>