<p>Background: My bf grew up not caring about education or school. Spent his free time playing video games/goofing off. Barely graduated high school (GPA 2.6?) and went straight to work at the local grocery store for two years before he met me. Now he is in college but he is struggling with 100-level courses. He failed his first semester of college.</p>
<p>My boyfriend has told me he never had good study habits because he never cared for school. I can see his little brother following in the same footsteps and I am honestly concerned. At age 11, I believe his study habits can be changed.</p>
<p>His little brother comes home after school and hops on the computer to play games. He only does his homework when someone comes home so he doesn’t get yelled at. </p>
<p>The thing is, I KNOW he is a smart kid. I’ve seen this kid talk to me and he is intelligent. He is beyond his years for an 11-year-old. So I don’t think it’s anything about learning troubles or disabilities. I believe he just doesn’t really bother taking the time to do his homework because he rushes it to play video games. And this, overall, affects his grades and his learning. He is smart, but I had to help him in some homework because he leaves all his notes at school or he forgot where he put them because he just came home and hopped on the computer.</p>
<p>You might ask: Where are the parents? Well, I don’t really think they push on his education. If you look at my bf/their son, they don’t even care how he is doing in school or that he is even in college. They didn’t care he barely graduated high school and didn’t go to college. They’re not involved at all form what I observe.</p>
<p>He is becoming almost like my own little brother so I really want some advice on how to discipline him (or advise my bf to discipline him since I personally don’t feel like I have authority to) so he will see the value of school rather than blowing it off at such a young age. Advice?</p>
<p>I think it’s understandable and sweet that you’re concerned, but it’s really not your business, imo. Why don’t you work with your own little brother? That sounds like a productive and much more appropriate place to put your concern.</p>
<p>So if we give you advice, to be effective it will most likely have to involve one of his family members becoming physically active in the situation - will that happen? Will it be the BF? Unless one of them is willing to literally step forward, nothing is probably going to happen. (just sayin…)</p>
<p>IF someone is willing to step forward…
physically remove the video game system on Sunday night until Friday evening.<br>
take that time now open from video games and don’t make it all about homework. Take the kid out to learn in the world - take him to a park for a nature walk, go to a museum, take him to a car show if he likes cars - SOMETHING to inspire him, offer conversation and get him excited about learning in alternative ways. </p>
<p>If they can achieve this, he may be more ready and open to sitting down with homework and getting in a groove. </p>
<p>@abasket: thanks for the advice. It would be my bf. the parents are rarely home (they go party a lot on weekends and then work till 7-8pm weekdays). I will see what we can do. </p>
<p>However, my bf and I offer to take the little brother out to the park or museums previously and he doesnt seem interested. We even offer to take him to movies and he says he wants to stay home and play video games. Since he didnt grow up in a family-orientated household, going out with his big bro doesnt seem fun. How do we deal with that?</p>
<p>You can’t be his parents, but you do have the potential to change his life, and it’s good that you have a heart to do that. </p>
<p>Don’t suggest he come do something, make him. As in, insist. He’s not going to give up the games on his own, ever. Expect him to be sullen and uncooperative the first 10 times you take him somewhere. Make a date – “we’re gonna take you (wherever) at 4 on Thursday”. Make a schedule – “we’re gonna try this until November, and then see what you think”. Start small, with short times (45ish minutes) and work your way up. Go for a walk. Go to a museum. Go to the grocery store. Cook. Play cards. Color. Be up front about why this is happening – you think he spends waaay too much time with a screen, and you want to show him the rest of the world. Give him free reign to hate it, and tell you so. Stay positive. Tell him you appreciate him for trying it with you. And above all:</p>
<p>Never, ever, when he DOES show signs of liking it, or at least the attention – never say “I told you that you would”.</p>
<p>^^ Thanks so much for this advice, greenbutton! I’ll definitely take the idea of smarting small (don’t know why I didn’t think of that… seems simple enough haha).</p>
<p>No, it is not fun for a kid to hang out with his older brother and girlfriend. I would have him invite a friend to come along. I would also take them to do things they like. Going to museum, not so appealing, but going to a paintball arcade, go kart racing, probably more fun for an 11 old boy. Maybe after few of those fun outings, you could try a science museum.</p>
<p>As others have pointed out, he is your BF’s brother, not yours. There is no certainty your relationship will be permanent, so I wouldn’t try to be too big part of this little boy’s life, it wouldn’t necessary be good for him or you.</p>
<p>One way we get our 12 year old to get her homework done without complaint is to takes her out to do something fun with a friend but have her and the friend do their homework to “get it out of the way” before we leave. Sometimes homework’s more fun to do with a friend and if there’s a reward at the end (a trip to McDonald’s, a movie, skateboarding, etc.).</p>