Parental advice on a phobia

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I just had another breakdown over this, and I don’t know what to do. Or rather, I know what I SHOULD do but I don’t know if I can do it.</p>

<p>I am phobic of bugs–insects, I suppose, but spiders and flies and ladybugs and stinkbugs (and so on) are all equally feared, so the scientific term seems inadequate. I think this may be a psychological illness as I haven’t “grown” out of it, nor do my parents’ repeated logical explanations work. I KNOW that these little critters can’t hurt me, but seeing one instantly freezes me and I panic. Ironically, when we had some mice living in our chimney, my father didn’t tell me because he was afraid I’d freak out like I do over bugs–but my response, when I found out, was “eh.” Mice aren’t scary at all; stinkbugs (and those millipede-esque-wall-clinging things) are terrifying.</p>

<p>I’ve tried self-treatment, forcing myself to work up the nerve, and have gotten to the point where I can kill houseflies by spastically wielding a flyswatter, if no one else is home (i.e. the fear of being around it outweighs the fear of approaching/killing it). But as if to balance this small victory, I’ve become MORE panicky around stinkbugs and the such. I talked to a counselor at my school’s Wellness Center once; she offered to recommend me a psychiatrist (psychologist? I’ve no idea) but I don’t know how my parents would feel about that. Mental illness is still utterly stigmatized in my ethnic community and I don’t think phobias are even considered illnesses–just irrational childhood quirks. Deep down, I don’t know how much therapy would even help, and it seems especially selfish to spend money on unnecessary medical treatment in this economy.</p>

<p>Yet, I can’t keep living like this. I’m afraid to go to college because of infestation rumors/anecdotes, even if the school is otherwise a first choice. And I know, logically, that is utterly irrational too. If I do seek therapy, could I get a medical waiver out of such situations (e.g. immediate room changes)? This phobia is affecting my life choices now and I feel like it’s spiraling out of control. But it’s just a fear, all in my mind, and I’ve always had so much control over myself. I tell myself, usually after a particularly difficult encounter (it’s a stressful time for me right now, which doesn’t help), that I’ll get help. And I never do. So I guess I’m writing this now, and hitting “Submit” before I can change my mind, because I can’t continue like this. I can’t afford it emotionally, I certainly don’t want to, but by all accounts I will.</p>

<p>Heartfelt thanks in advance.</p>

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<p>Why would your parents have to know? </p>

<p>Phobias are one of the things that respond best to therapy. There is certain kind of therapy called Cognitive Behavior that can change your life for the better. </p>

<p>I have a found a good tool in my life is to just accept what is, instead of trying to argue myself into what should be. For example, I should not be afraid to fly, it’s completely irrational…but I am. So, I got help. I don’t love flying but it’s completely managable and I am able to travel as I wish. </p>

<p>Get some help, you deserve it.</p>

3

<p>The Wellness Center is confidential, but there’s only a counselor on staff and her referral confirms my suspicion that she’s not prepared or trained to do actual therapy. I would need my parents’ insurance in order to see a psychiatrist.</p>

4

<p>Phobias aren’t that hard to cure with the help of a psychologist trained in behavior modification. You always could wait until you go to college, and then take advantage of the free or very cheap counseling services at your college. More than likely the counseling center can help you and wouldn’t need to refer you to a place where you’d need to use your parents’ insurance.</p>

5

<p>I see. </p>

<p>Please check with her to see if she was recommending a psychiatrist or a psychologist. A psychiatrist can give you meds to reduce your anxiety short term but you’ll need a psychologist to help you turn this around.</p>

<p>How does your family feel about education and authority figures? If you tell them that a staff member requested you go, will they be okay with that? Or can you just tell them? Just because your parents know does not mean the whole community has to know, right?</p>

6

<p>She says she cannot continue like this. College is still a year and half off for her.</p>

7

<p>I have delt with “critter” type phobias myself. Getting professional help is definitely the way to go, but if that is not available here are some ideas. Basically you have to desensitize yourself. First put a picture of one of the hated ones up where you can see it plainly and reguarly, after a while it will cease to bother you. Then may a toy replica of said bug. Maybe a nature show with said bug(s) Then maybe a dead bug in a bottle. Then maybe a live bug in a bottle and so on. Take your time this does not have to be done overnight! Sometimes getting a trusted friend to work with you on the steps can help. You are perfectly normal, millions of people suffer from similar phobias. Yours have a sense of more immediacy because bugs are fairly common. Say someone is phobic of horses, well in this day and age there is not a horse around every corner. This may not be a miricle cure, but it will help. Good Luck!</p>

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<p>Some good advice here: [Insect</a> Phobias](<a href=“http://www.anxietycare.org.uk/docs/insect.asp]Insect”>http://www.anxietycare.org.uk/docs/insect.asp)</p>

9

<p>Perhaps the counselor at the Wellness Center could meet with you and your parents to help them understand your quite reasonable desire to address this problem.</p>

10

<p>I know this is frustrating for you, because it is that instant, visceral reaction when you see a bug that’s so unpleasant. I feel the same way about spiders, and I too do not fear rodents. </p>

<p>I saw a tv show a few years ago and they were talking about people’s illogical fearful reactions to spiders. They profiled an Australian woman that wrecked her car when she saw a spider crawling up her leg, and she was talking about how this spider was perfectly harmless but if she had run into the oncoming truck instead of off on the shoulder she would’ve been killed instantly. Then they showed the re-enactment, and I am not kidding when I say that spider was the size of a softball. I’m sorry, but if a spider that big was on my leg I would happily drive into the oncoming truck! I watched the whole show and I still coudn’t understand how they expect somebody to remain calm in that situation.</p>

<p>I have a friend that completely panics around bees. She stopped her car on a highway once because a bee flew in the window. I guess my point is that this is a very common phobia.</p>

<p>And as I’m sitting here typing this I am marveling that two months ago I was panicky when night fell and my husband wasn’t here. I would try to go to bed only to hear a creak and the adrenaline would shoot me straight out of bed. Now I sleep like a charm without the slightest fear or uneasiness. Why? I don’t know, but I’m guessing that something else was weighing on my mind that I wasn’t acknowledging. When you mention you’ve always been so in control of yourself, well maybe this is your mind’s way of rebelling against that. </p>

<p>If your father didn’t want to tell you about the mice in the chimney, then your parents are aware that you’re struggling, but maybe they don’t realize the extent of it. Maybe they don’t know how much this is consuming you. Could you print out some information about phobia from Mayoclinic.com and show it to your parents? You say you are at the point where this is becoming unbearable. It is affecting your plans for the future. I think you have to tell them that–maybe show them the responses on here–and hope they will get help for you. If you give them all this information and they are dismissive of you, then talk to the school counselor again and see what they suggest. </p>

<p>Oh, and don’t start thinking at this young age that it’s “selfish” to take care of yourself. That line of thinking leads to the sort of decisions that say, led me to not buy new walking shoes for several months. Now I have an inflammation in my foot that is going to cost a lot more than the shoes in the long run. </p>

<p>Take care.</p>

11

<p>A professional in behavior modification is great advice but before I invested a lot of time and money, I would advise that you try a hypnotist (with a money back guarantee). Your mind is telling you to be afraid and a good hypnotist may be able to re associate that fear for you quickly (and much much less expensively). Ask around for recommendations. Many people have had success with breaking habits and phobias… Good Luck</p>

12

<p>Thank you everyone for the advice. Now that I’m calmer, I’m so tempted to just ignore the problem and move on… but that’s what I’ve done the last millions of times, and obviously it hasn’t worked very well.</p>

<p>Helenback - When I drive alone, I keep the windows up and turn on the air conditioning even when it’s only mildly warm outside, because if a bug gets into the car, I really think I would crash. I’m so scared of that.</p>

<p>ncmentor - Hmm. Thank you for the suggestion; I’d never heard of that option before.</p>

13

<p>Juat for fun rent the movie “Annie Hall.” I won’t “spoil” it by telling you why if you’ve never seen it, but I think there’s one scene in it you’ll really enjoy.</p>

14

<p>I talked to a counselor at the Wellness Center yesterday. She was helpful and agreed that I should seek therapy. She gave me a pamphlet to take home for my parents, which I gave to my mother. However, when I mentioned it to her today, she said offhandedly that my dad had decided “it” (therapy) was useless.</p>

<p>So what now?</p>

15

<p>Perhaps you could speak with your dad about therapy. Perhaps one or both of your parents could speak with the counselor, either in person or by phone.</p>

16

<p>I agree with ADad. It’s not so easy to be dismissive of another adult.</p>

17

<p>Your dad can think it’s “useless” if he wants to, but if you can pay for it yourself, it doesn’t matter what he thinks. Is that a possibility? Or can your mother help you out financially? </p>

<p>Go back to the counselor at the Wellness Center and talk to him/her about your dad’s reaction. Perhaps he/she has a way around this.</p>

<p>Your dad’s reaction is a bump in the road, not a brick wall. Keep trying.</p>

18

<p>How does your Dad “know” that therapy would be useless? Phobias are often treatable, and even if you never become a bug-lover, at least you could live your life without fear that a panic attack was waiting for you behind every leaf. I agree that perhaps another adult could reason with him.</p>

<p>My D has a phobia of needles, she hyperventilates when she gets a shot, and somehow this fear has extended to bees. There was a bee in her English classroom, it flew over her head and she screamed and hit the deck, and curled up under her desk. Her teacher asked her if she was allergic to bees, and she said “yes” because she was so embarrassed. But only bugs that sting scare her, and it’s not really the bug - its the fear of being stung. I haven’t taken her for therapy, though, because Miss Needle-Phobic voluntarily got her navel pierced for her 15th birthday. I figure if she could suck it up for that, she can learn to deal with needles. She’ll be lifeguarding this summer, so she’ll learn to deal with bees as well.</p>

<p>But if she had that same reaction to all bugs, and it wasn’t improving, I’d see if therapy could help her.</p>

19

<p>Thanks for the anecdote. I think my parents find my phobia more baffling (and annoying) than anything–they’ve said many times over that they could understand being afraid of bees or wasps, but not harmless bugs. And I think they still expect that I will “learn to deal”; so many people do learn to deal with their fears on their own, or they “grow out” of them. Where to draw the line? How does one know when learning to deal has failed?</p>

20

<p>Keilexandra, I completely understand where you’re coming from. I had measles which progressed to encephalitis when I was a toddler. Hallucinated that bugs were crawling on me. I am hideously phobic. It got to the point for me that the sensation of hair brushing on my skin so reminded me of bugs crawling on me that I ripped a substantial chunk of my hair out. Therapy helped a lot. I still get dizzy and light-headed when confronted by insects, but one thing I’ve found helpful is to tell the people I’m around a lot (like the person in the next cubicle at work) that I feel this way and why so that I don’t have to worry about being embarrassed or ridiculed. I have a deal with my boss that he will kill every bug that ever crosses my path at work, same with my husband at home. They both are great sports about it and losing the stress of feeling like a freak has helped me manage the fear much better. Good luck!</p>