<p>I have three older sisters. In my mother’s last days, at some point each one of my sisters mentioned privately something about having been mother’s favorite child. I thought it was funny that each one thought she was the favored child, when it was so obviously me - go figure. :)</p>
<p>No, I don’t do it. I’m thrilled to have three sons that are totally different and I love watching them grow into who they’re going to be. My parents did favor my brother, but he was very ill, which just made me feel bad for being jealous. My parents went on to pick "favorites"among my three boys, which changed as they aged, and all this really did was make my three boys not like them much. </p>
<p>Your parents sound a little nutty, and what you need to know is this; though we would like to think our parents are all well-adjusted, decent, kind, and have our best interest at heart, sometimes they are not that. The good news is that you are more than your family, and a rough childhood can be a minor footnote in an otherwise happy life. My parents are in their seventies, and I spent a long time waiting for them to have an epiphany, to start to seem like they actually cared about me. I didn’t find any peace or happiness until I realized that it was their loss, it was their problem, and it didn’t have to define me. </p>
<p>It’s a big hurdle to get over, but it can be done.</p>
<p>If I’ve understood the OP’s messages, she’s female and has a younger brother. If my interpretation is correct…it’s not about a parent “playing favorites.” It’s all about the fact that the OP is female and has a younger brother. </p>
<p>Many families think that if resources are limited, it’s more important to send the son to a GOOD high school and GOOD college. </p>
<p>This is not entirely irrational. Among certain groups who engage in arranged marriages, for exampe. a son’s academic qualifications will be what enables him to attract a good mate. Too much education may hurt his sister’s chances of attracting a good partner. In her case, looks and demeanor will matter more. </p>
<p>So, don’t assume your parents love you less than they love your brother. It may be that they think it’s more important to spend the $ on your brother than on you for reasons based on male/female roles–having nothing to do with how much they love you and your brother.</p>
<p>Well, I am not focused on my looks and my aim in life is not to attract a partner. I have a decidedly masculine outlook in life and one could say I’m more aggressive than the average female. I’m not going to limit my educational plans to appear dumber so I can be more attractive to a husband, and I wouldn’t want to marry someone like that anyway.</p>
<p>Schrizto,
1 possibility) Is it possible that your brother needs a “special” school, or at least the “special” attention a private school might provide? It doesn’t sound as if that was so important for you or that you needed such a place. (Look at the M/F ratio of special ed kids and you’ll see it is predominately male.)</p>
<p>2 possibility) Is it possible that your brother needs to hear extra encouragement from your parents, yet they sense you don’t need that? Boys are different from girls, that’s true. But I do not think it’s a girl/boy thing. Consider they tried to give you, and give your brother, what they thought would be important according to your individual needs.</p>
<p>My brother isn’t special ed at all. I don’t know the exact motivation behind why they sent him to the private school they did because I was in first grade at the time. But when I ask my parents why they don’t tell me any good reasons.</p>
<p>Our daughter is moody and emotional, our son is easy going. She clearly gets the better deal. We tiptoe around her at times, don’t ask her to do as many chores, etc. because she blows up. When my son does the extra chores, I enjoy helping him out, spending time with him, or even paying him to do them. We send her to a private school because there is a great all-girls school near us that she can attend as a day student. There is no similar option for him. It’s different, it’s not fair, but that’s the way it is.</p>
<p>Sometimes kids are treated differently because of their personalities, or circumstances.</p>
<p>My post was meant to convey to you that you are in control of your life and not to let anyone else determine how high you set your sights. Your parents statement that you will make a good wife makes me believe they do not view your full potential as a human being.</p>
<p>I believe my middle sister is favored because my parents want to make her have positive self-esteem. My youngest sister and I are both in the gifted program at our school while the middle one is not. She, on the other hand, has a musical inclination, as she can play piano like no other. </p>
<p>Also, my sister reflects the conservative political and religious views of my parents, while I lean so far left that I’m almost falling over. This makes for almost no conversation between my parents and me that does not result in an argument, while my sister is content to talk about Jesus and promote homophobia.</p>
<p>She’s my parent’s dream-- smart, talented, and she has a boyfriend. While I’m smart, I’m also the one who “never does anything,” “can’t get a job (ironically posting this while I’m babysitting [kids are asleep])”, and “never will get a boyfriend.” </p>
<p>Not that I would ever want a boyfriend, but that’s a whole other issue that has me dreading the day I have to explain THAT one to them…</p>
<p>I feel bad for my youngest sister.</p>
<p>I can’t say that I treat my two kids the same, exactly, because they are such different people. They want and need different things from me. But I try to treat them both fairly, and heaven knows I love them both equally (although again, in different ways for different reasons). </p>
<p>Interestingly, my husband and his sister were sent to different schools: her to public, him to private. She was at least as smart, if not smarter, but he didn’t do as well in public school as she did (possibly due to undiagnosed ADHD). But she’s the one who went on to a top college and grad school.</p>
<p>My mom always favored the boys over the girls…very annoying. It used to drive my sisters and I crazy…especially since WE have always done so much for mom, while our bros never did.</p>
<p>But, then mom had a major stroke and that part of her brain got destroyed (Thankfully, she’s still very functioning). From that day on, no more favoritism…at all!!! My bros were in shock for awhile as they had to adjust to NOT getting the special treatment that they were accustomed to. </p>
<p>My mom (who has no memory of the special treatment) now gets annoyed at my bros for even thinking that she should do certain things for them (things that she ALWAYS did for them before - like canceling her plans whenver they they wanted her to do something for them)… I still remember how upset one of my brothers was when mom refused to cancel her plans to go to dinner to celebrate my son’s birthday (We were visiting from out of state) - my brother wanted mom to come to dinner at his home that same night. My brothers were so used to that special treatment…LOL …my sisters and I just love the new mom!.. 
(We don’t love that she had a stroke, but we love this little benefit! )</p>
<p>I just wanted to add…</p>
<p>I think parents need to be very careful not to give the appearance of favoritism. Does that mean everything equal at every moment? NO. But it does mean that over a period of time, things should “even out” a bit. That means if one year, one child goes to camp, then another year the other child goes to camp. </p>
<p>However, parents need to be very careful not to spend too much on the first child (even with the intentions of spending the same on the others in the future) unless the parents are rather certain the money will be there. Most kids are not going to be happy if parents pay “full-freight” for child #1 to go to dream private college, and then later tell child #2 that “the well is dry” and he’ll have to stay home and commute to cheap regional state school. (I have a relative who is in that boat right now…not a pretty scene.)</p>
<p>Each of my kids (maybe I should say ex-kids because they are 23 and 20) thinks that when they were growing up, I favored the other one.</p>
<p>They may both be right.</p>
<p>I think I sometimes favored my son because he and I have much in common in terms of personality, academic strengths and weaknesses, and even medical issues. Also, he was the first child, so every stage of his development was new and interesting, and I probably paid more attention than I did with his younger sister.</p>
<p>I think I sometimes favored my daughter because we’re of the same gender and because her father paid little attention to her, so I felt compelled to pay more. Also, she was the second child, so she got the benefit of a more experienced mom. I may not have paid as much attention to each stage of her development as I did with her older brother, but at least I made fewer mistakes.</p>
<p>^^^^</p>
<p>I think if both kids are saying the same thing, then you did a good job :)</p>
<p>You gave each one “special treatment” during the appropriate times…that’s what a parent does.</p>
<p>A lot of parents are saying that they treat their kids differently because their kids have different personalities. That’s understandable. But I doubt that was the case in the original post.</p>
<p>My parents sent my sister to public school while I attended private school. They did it because my sister was a strong person with an outstanding intellect who needed the wider range of classes. I was sent to private school because I was a handful from day one and my parents were afraid that I would fall in with a bad crowd.</p>
<p>Things are not always as they seem.</p>
<p>This thread is so interesting to me. I am an only child and the mother of an only daughter. So sibling relationships are a mystery to me.</p>
<p>I grew up not wanting children; I got married and we decided we wanted one. And I really wanted a daughter. I got her. If I had had a boy I probably would have tried again for the girl. Not at all fair for the boy who would have been the firstborn especially not for the hypothetical second boy. I might have felt “stuck” with two boys. Then again, I might have fallen so in love with my boy that I would have forgotten about wanting a girl.</p>
<p>Ironically enough, we have always had male dogs. We now have a five year old and an almost two year old. As much as I tried to fight it, the little guy is definitely my favorite.</p>
<p>So to bring this back on topic, I’m glad I only have to worry about whether I’m horrible for preferring one dog over the other, instead of a child.</p>
<p>All of my girls joke that they are my favorite . And all of them think that my oldest is. I love them all equally, but my relationship is different with all of them. I am probably closest to my oldest because she is the one who keeps in touch the most ( at least out of the two that are away ) sometimes I feel like my middle daughter only calls when she needs something , and the youngest is kind of spoiled by daddy, and I am the one who puts the brakes on some of his indulgences…and he does that because the relationship he has with his other daughter is so difficult.</p>
<p>Interesting thread…Coming from a family with two much older sibs who were PERFECT (called that by my parents)…really pretty, popular, smart Seven Sisters attending sister and sweet, well behaved, not as bright but always pleasant brother this is a sensitive subject! I always swore up and down I’d never do that and I’ve done my very best not to, even though I have a nearly PERFECT daughter who’s smart, loving, thoughtful, etc. and a son who never stops breaking my chops. He points out that I favor her but that’s because I discipline him and not her. She doesn’t ever do anything that needs disciplining!</p>
<p>I definitely have a favorite. Which kid it is varies, though. Currently D2 is in the doghouse, so D1 is the favorite right now. A couple of weeks ago it was reversed. My little guy is so much younger that he’s more like a separate family unto himself.</p>
<p>My parents definitely favored daughters. My father always believed that girls were smarter, more competent and generally more wonderful. He was beside himself with granddaughters, too. Kind of sucked for my brothers.</p>