<p>Is anyone else being harrassed by their parent/s constantly over the phone/skype/other media?
So my dad calls my cell on average more than five times a day and leaves voice messages that range from sickly sweet to annoyed jacka$$ (think Alec Baldwin -> daughter voice message). Usually he calls either really early or really late; where in the former I’m still asleep and in the latter, I’m at/about to go to some late-night hangout, party, etc., and tries to get me to go onto skype. And I’m pretty sure he’s pulling this just to check on my activity and make sure I’m not doing what every other effing college student does, and it’s really grating on my nerves.
Technically, I could always just shut off my cell and ignore him but it’s not as easy as it sounds because he has issues with both authority AND attachment (Asian Parent) and he hasn’t been very subtle about threatening to cut off my financial resources if I get too out of hand (which in his interpretation is when I display even a small amount of ‘attitude’, which is really just me making logical points). He even said something to the workings of “you’re worthless if you aren’t academically/occupationally successful” and he blatantly calls my education an investment that he expects returns from. (Obviously he’s not too happy that he’s paying for a less-than-Ivy-League education) He uses his network of acquaintances to keep tabs on me all the time.
While some may think it an understandable reaction for a parent who is separated from his only child in another country, but I find it abnormal and disturbing. And although I have savings, it would theoretically only last me a year of self-subsistence. Because the country I was residing in did not employ minors, I am only just starting to build up a work experience and have an extremely low-paying job that would definitely not be able to support my tuition or living expenses.
I’m really not blowing this out of proportion when I say that my dad calls to harrass me, because he screams at me to the point that his voice turns high-pitched and I just want to hang up but I know it will get me nowhere if I do. And when I say I won’t stand for his attitude towards me, he pulls the “I am your only financial support” schpiel- the same one he uses on my mom, and leaves it at that. He made the week before I went off to college horrendous because he would constantly be reading all sorts of twisted meanings between my words that amounted to my not being appreciative of him and trying to put distance between the two of us. As one can see, he is very paranoid.
I am truly at a loss as to what I can do because whichever way I go I am screwed, and I think nothing will work short of him getting a lobotomy or injuring his vocal chords. And while I can completely understand how my situation could be much worse, the general argument being that he could have beaten me, it doesn’t justify the psychological abuse. Perhaps I am leaving out too many details for one to form a comprehensive understanding of the issue, but then as my friend once said, it would take someone three years with me to truly realize the direness of the situation.</p>
<p>Is there any way you can transfer to a lesser-prestige school with merit aid or something?</p>
<p>Transfer to a lesser-prestige school because your dad calls you everyday? Thats ridiculous.</p>
<p>Well, take comfort in the fact that most Asian parents would be pretty upset if they knew what their kids were really doing in college. I would be surprised if there was a single Asian at my school that didn’t exaggerate the amount of time he spent studying and away from parties.</p>
<p>Would he get upset if you turned your phone off or maybe just tell him the battery died. You could also say, your phone was in your purse so therefore you couldn’t answer it, or you’re in the library studying so you had to put it on vibrate so you couldn’t hear it ring.
BTW are you Pakistani or Indian?</p>
<p>Send a text message or email that says for some reason your skype is not working. You think your computer has some sort of virus but you are studying so much you don’t have time to get it fixed. You’ll let him know when you do.
Then let all phone calls go to voice mail and text back that you are in the library and can’t make too much noise. Not subtle but it may give you a break for awhile. As long as you keep your grades up he can’t complain.</p>
<p>lol H2013, you saw khan… im guessing paki, or whatever is in taipei lol</p>
<p>Samsizzel: haha yeh that’s why i assumed, and the strict parents made me confirm it lol. </p>
<p>I should’ve looked at the location, plus i knew an eastern Asian person named khan so that was totally my bad. It’ll be cool if it’s a paki/indian person living in Taiwan then i’ll have the pleasure of making the right guess lol.</p>
<p>Decide what is more worth it to you. Having him leave you alone, or his financial support. How much does your less than Ivy league education cost, and how much less is it? If you’re his only kid and you’re at a mediocre college you can probably see how he is firstly annoyed, and secondly wanting you to be the best at that college because in his mind you otherwise have no chance of success. Not saying he’s right but you understand his motives. </p>
<p>If it’s really a huge deal, look at transferring to another university that is cheaper/you can get aid at, and work to support yourself. If you can even make a legitimate threat of it maybe he’ll back off a little. But if you do be prepared to follow through.</p>
<p>H2013: no, I’m neither Pakistani nor Indian, but if you were in Taipei and are a frosh this year chances are we might have crossed paths…Taiwan is a small island after all.</p>
<p>QwertyKey: when I was referring to ‘less-than-Ivy-League education’ I was being pretty literal, my college is nestled a ‘comfortable distance below’. The school gives out need-based aid which leaves my total family contribution at around a fourth of the sticker price ~13,000/year. You can probably guess where I attend based on my posting history.</p>
<p>The whole irony about pretending to miss his calls because of cell-phone failures and skype crashes is that, these are things he himself has engaged in quite frequently (see the double standard here?). He would most likely instantly see through it and accuse me of not working hard enough at maintaining connections.</p>
<p>At this point realistically thinking I’m not about to transfer out of my personal first choice college because I most likely wouldn’t be able to support myself even if I did (lack of work experience= low paying jobs, etc.). I’m also looking to reevaluate some of my behavior and reactions towards him and some goals I can set in terms of what I will/refuse to put up with.</p>
<p>Anyways, thanks for all your replies, someone PMed me some really good detailed advice, and all your ideas are great really. Please don’t hesitate to let me know about other techniques/past experiences!</p>
<p>Hang in there as best as you can. You will never forgive your father if you have to transfer over this, and maybe not yourself either.</p>