As I wrote, my gifted child could not settle into anything. At 4 free play (trash truck, CIA) was his thing. We unknowingly enrolled him in a preschool for gifted kids where they learned French and played chess (his best friend had enrolled) and I was told he would probably be a car mechanic because he was enthralled by the trash truck and wouldn’t settle into any activity. A father who was a professor took me aside to tell me he was just fine and playing was what they should be doing.
Later, he did do long projects on his own using Legos and made a robot out of Legos that greeted me when I opened the door, when he was around 8. Around 10 or so he was rebuilding computers. He didn’t do any EC’s really until teenage years.
Despite giftedness, he read late and suddenly (I read this happens) and for maturity, I sent him to school a year late too. He is in his 30’s now. Went to a top college and works in Silicon Valley. Four is very young. How does your kid function with free play using imagination?
What do you mean by bolts? At 4, many of the activities are done knowing that half the kids won’t be participating at any given time. At his age a sport like soccer will include kids running the wrong way, lying on the field or walking off to get a hug or snack from mom. The kids are often more excited by orange slices and fun shin guards than game. I would encourage stuff like this early since as they get older there is the expectation of ‘behaving’ and doing things a certain way so great to do it young when no one really cares.
If he loves music then keep exposing him to it and he may reach an age where he cares about competence enough to practice. Or he may setttle on instrument that inspires him. Along with sports, Piano was the thing our smart daughters did where had to work for it.
@scmom12 This brings back good memories of little kids soccer. My H was a master at keeping the little ones “on task,” but he’s an elementary PE teacher. The goal is to just keep them moving and having fun. And the juice and snack at the end. Oh yes. The highlight.
With my Uber energetic older S, we spent a LOT of time on playgrounds. We hit every playground in our city. And did lots of walking on the trail. No stroller for him. At 2.5 he pushed his own stroller 3 miles.
Maybe if he is interested in a particular sport he can learn all the rules and the plays before joining the group. The group may seem chaotic to him but if he knows the rules he can visualize how it works.
But this could backfire too. My friend’s gifted son was on a team with his friends who were also all gifted (in a separate classroom at the elementary school). Well, these kids would argue the calls with the refs and couldn’t accept they were wrong. The parents thought it was cute and funny. I, being from a family of refs and coaches, didn’t. I think there is a happy medium and that really smart kids can learn to be part of group sports. Look at the sports teams at MIT, Hopkins, Cal Tech.
I think you’ll figure out a way to involve him (like you did at his current day care). It sounds like he likes very small groups to do his activities. And he’s 4. Other than ice hockey, there aren’t many sports or activities where one must start at 4. Would he enjoy Suzuki violin? It’s individually driven for advancement but usually there is a concert and all who have mastered a particular song, whether they are 4 or 14 or 40, play that song together.
I think the more individual sports, like swimming or tennis, seem to attract the gifted crowd. I recall seeing some sort of study which listed average IQs of athletes in various sports, and the team sport I am about to recommend was at the very low end of the list. (Don’t know how reliable the study was…)
For team sports, I recommend baseball (or it would be tee ball at this age). Most towns have rec tee ball teams, which start in the age four to six range. As with most little kid sports, it is like herding cats. As the kids get older - and move on to baseball or softball - it is a great sport for experiencing failure, even if you are very good (consider what a good batting average is).
My middle kid had a travel ball teammate who was definitely a gifted kid. Her mother told me about this kid’s first day of tee ball (father was coaching). She asked her father what they would do at tee ball. He said they would throw the ball, catch the ball, and hit the ball. So they go to tee ball, and at some point, she starts walking away. Her father asks her what she is doing, and she told him, “I threw the ball, I caught the ball, and I hit the ball. I did everything so now I am headed home.”
It got better as she got older - she was very focused when she got older.
I have seen gifted kids get a bit frustrated with teammates when they are young (say 10 and under). There is a lot to baseball, from understanding the rules to knowing where every player should be on the field at any given time. The gifted kid knows the rules (even obscure ones) and is in the right place on any given play, but they’ll find that a lot of teammates don’t know, or just aren’t paying attention. This also gets better as the kids get older.
Organized activities are of course fun. I’m probably an outlier here, but at age 4, my kids loved just having play dates with other kids. They just played a lot, all the time. Does he have playmates?
The day after the storm in the Northeast, a mom posted on a parents’ page, looking for activities for her son. Every suggestion was something that had to be paid for. I and one other person suggested going outdoors, seeing the local stream, the nearby dam with a raging cascade, and the wildlife sanctuary. I’m sure you do those things anyway, but I’m saying you don’t have to spend money to nurture your son’s intellect. Incredibly intelligent people will extract information from everything they see.
I signed up my youngest in taekwondo at 4. He was always a sports kid, althletic but emotional and easily frustrated (mostly other kids, and a bad loser). His first grade teacher’s mantra with him was “think before you do.” In taekwondo he was a different kid, even when he started at 4. Once he got into club soccer (along with baseball and basketball), he couldn’t keep it up any longer, but I have only good things to say about the experience).
My D has been taking my 3 year old GD to a music class for a couple years. It’s held at a local church (but not affiliated with the church), and it’s taught by a retired music teacher. The kids are allowed to walk around, get silly, have a great time … they are together, singing patterns & songs and making music on rhythm instruments. It’s fabulously age appropriate, because the kids get to be little kids. Are you on a local Facebook moms’ group? My D found out about the class on one. Several of the kids have been in the class together for a long time. They play on the church playground afterwards. Community classes like that can be inexpensive & fun.
Another idea would be to see if there’s a community playgroup near you.
There are lots of play groups and “moms” groups but they are almost always during the day when Nick and I are working. Almost everything around here that I’ve found seems to assume there’s a SAHP in the family.
We don’t belong to a church or anything.
He gets a ton of unstructured play every day at daycare. Literally it’s all he does for hours Monday through Friday lol. We also have sleep overs with his cousins multiple weekends every month.
And by “bolts” - I mean exactly that. He takes off and runs away - to the point that it’s dangerous (if outside) and/or a significant detriment to other children since he requires so much focus from the leader/coach/whatever.
I don’t know how else to describe it but we’ve spent a lot of time around kids his age and he simply doesn’t act like others. Mr R used to work in the toddler room for a daycare for several years and Ren is simply not like most other toddlers.
Anyway, I’ve reached out to the early education special education person and am awaiting a call back about starting his eval process. Fingers crossed they can help us.
Your opening comment about his intelligence not having tapered off made me laugh. I can’t tell you how many times I heard that early reading proved nothing. The other kids catch up. Never happened.
Good luck with the evaluation process. I never did that with my older one who was luckily pretty easy going. He went to a 3 day a week nursery school and had a great relationship with the teacher that year who had had gifted kids of her own.
I think that I would continue to try group activities. I’ve watched 4 year old in dance recitals and they are hilarious. There are always plenty of kids who are not with the program, and no one really minds. Ditto soccer for the little ones. There’s always at least one Ferdinand smelling the roses. If the activities are on weekends, I assume one of you can be around to catch the bolter?
My older son really preferred the more cerebral activities like chess and band. Sports, as someone mentioned upthread were a problem because he understood the rules better than other kids, but wasn’t necessarily that good at kicking and running.
That sounds like pretty typical for a four year old.
One of the biggest issues with gifted kids is that they generally talk and reason like kids who are older, but have the attention span and emotional development of other kids their age. Sometimes gifted kids can be behind in emotional development. What that means is that we expect them to be able to pay attention or listen based on the age that we perceive from the intellectual development, not based on their actual age.
