This was me. I only learned how to focus, study and learn in law school. First year was humbling and very disorienting.
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Addressing a few things:
-Again, we will not be able to afford a private school. So great in theory, but not practical unfortunately.
-Our school district has a TAG program starting in 3rd grade. We don’t plan on letting him skip more than a grade or two if he wants to. We do have neighboring districts we can look at.
-His dad and I are not perfectionists and he seems to be in a few things but not overall.
-He is SUPER social. Like I’m not sure where he gets it from but he loves interacting with everyone.
-He is musical so we’re encouraging that.
He’s now a few months past two and he’s reading a ton, doing math, etc. He’s not as advanced in language as a few here 
I still hope he’s not super gifted but we’ll see.
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How does he communicate socially? Does he approach people while holding a toy, look at them, and hold it up as if asking them to play?
Does he tug on their shirt and point to the sand as if to say “help me build a castle”?
I am curious to learn how he displays social behavior, communicative intent etc given his language skills are reportedly delayed…?
PS- he sounds like a great kid!
I sent you a DM with info about a school that might be of interest when your son is older. They give good need-based financial aid (we received some) so it might still be something that is helpful when the time comes.
His verbal skills aren’t delayed anymore. They’re just not extremely advanced like some here.
He shares toys, reads to people, randomly decides to go play with groups of kids, asks for help, tries to engage random people in toddler level conversation, etc. He just has no fear of people and is happy to play with literally anyone.
Eta: fixed a typo. Said social skills, meant verbal skills
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I would count those social skills as remarkable based on my observations of some “covid toddlers” I’ve been around. 
Many young kids have had limited opportunities to develop those social skills and are playing catch-up now. I know you commented previously about the effect of covid isolation on your son’s development. The fact he’s doing all of that is noteworthy. Good job!
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Honestly it’s like he wasn’t raised mostly in isolation. He’s been a social butterfly from the first time he was able to interact with other humans lol
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Continue to nurture his interests. When it’s time for school, see how he does in his neighborhood school. If he’s happy, you can meet any unmet intellectual needs through fun, but educational, family things … children’s museums, art museums, zoos, nature hikes, etc. If it seems like he needs more at school, you can try district of choice (my S was challenged in a neighboring district in a way he never would have been in our home district). If that doesn’t work - or if it’s just clear that he needs something different - that well known school for gifted kids in BH has a need based financial aid program that might be worth checking into. Because you are on top of this, I think he’ll be fine with whatever school situation is best for your family + the “outside” stimulation you will surely continue to provide. Allow him to pursue his interests as they surface, and let him move on when they no longer interest him. He sounds like he is self motivated, so just try to give him whatever books & experiences you can to help him explore his interests. It may become more challenging if he turns out to be profoundly gifted, but you can cross that bridge if you come to it.
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Super late bump to this but adding on that his intelligence hasn’t tapered off even a bit. He remembers EVERYTHING and hyperfixates. He can read fluently, has started simple multiplication, understand percentages and fractions, knows the most random things, and picks everything up without a struggle. I’m actually a little concerned for when he hits a wall and has to actually try.
We can’t put him in any kind of group anything because as soon as he gets even the smallest bit bored, he bolts to something else. So we have him in 1 on 1 music, swimming, etc.
We have his 4 year check up in a few weeks and we’re going to ask for a referral to get him evaluated. At the very least he has my ADHD and I suspect he has other NDs. We just want to be able to support him as he starts school next year.
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Our solution to that was to put our child into activities where he wasn’t naturally the best, have to work at it, and sometimes lose.
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Focus on your child’s social and emotional well being. Try to find other children that yours can click with. Make sure yours feels emotionally safe to be themselves. Meeting intellectual capacity is secondary — by a lot.
My mom didn’t have this support for most of her life and it was tough for her and for me. I like to say that “gifted” is the wrong term.
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@romanigypsyeyes long time no see! I am glad you checked in with an update on your child. It seems you are doing all the right things. I hope you have a good public school option where accommodations are required (though sometimes a battle) or a good private school that is a fit. I knew a child who was “gifted” but restless who went to a small artsy private where he was appreciated rather than disciplined!
I agree to find group activities where he is merely average and has to learn to wait his turn, to not always be in the game (although 4 is a little young for most group sports). Swimming lessons would be a good place to start, or even joining a little swim team where he would swim with the 8 and under group. (who was in my kids’ 8 and under swim group? Missy Franklin, olympic swimmer!)
My friend’s twice exceptional daughter always took private lessons for swimming, gymnastics, etc and never enjoyed them and never continued with them.
I wish that was an option but he just will NOT do them. We’ve tried a few different things and if he isn’t actively doing something, he bolts.
I’m hoping when we get him evaluated they can help us find coping strategies or something, because I’m very concerned how school is going to go at this rate.
Private school is just out of our price range, unfortunately. Homeschooling is an option but an absolute last resort.
He has been going to daycare (in-home with 4-5 other kids) for years and he has good days and bad days there.
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Keep trying things. Even if it’s frustrating now, it is important for children to learn grit and persistence after failure.
For my son, one thing that worked was karate. As he was physically smaller than others his size, he had to work harder than others in competitions. And despite his best efforts, he would rarely medal. But he enjoyed it enough outside of competitions to eventually earn a black belt.
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@romanigypsyeyes he is four. He is old enough to request an evaluation through your local school district. Have you considered that?
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Yes! I actually just did today because I forgot it was an option.
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I skipped 2nd grade, and skipping that grade was not great for my social and personal development. I think it is important for an intellectually advanced kid to be with their age group for at least part of the school day, even if they spend the other part of the day in a more advanced math class, for example, with older kids.
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Private can be problematic at that age, especially in naturally gregarious kids. They are stuck doing something with a grownup, rather than spending time with their friends
My kid is 2E and has always done better with physical activities in which there was a social group doing it together. Besides the fact that it was something that she did with friends, she got to see friends that she only saw during dance because they didn’t go to the same school.
He’s four, and four year old boys rarely have any tolerance for frustration or boredom. At four he doesn’t need to be good at anything, just needs to be doing stuff. My daughter was doing kids dance at 4 and they didn’t need to be good - just follow the teachers instructions, which were usually related to keeping on doing stuff for 45 minutes.
Seriously, a four year old doesn’t need to “be good” at anything. They just need to figure our what they enjoy doing. A kid with ADHD, especially a gifted boy with ADHD, just needs something physical with rules. When he finds something he likes doing, he get as good at it as he can.
Also, as I wrote above - group activities. In a group, there are generally people who are better and those who are worse. It’s also good to engage in activities that are made up of many elements. That means that kids hit walls in different elements at different times. So they have their progress on some elements to keep them encouraged, and, once they have broken through a wall in one, the are encouraged to persevere when they hit a wall in another element.
So in martial arts, they’re working on multiple types of blows and kicks, on strength and on flexibility, and speed and on control. Kids (and adults) almost never get stuck on everything at once, and they all have things that are easier and more difficult. So every frustrating wall is balanced by something that they just figured out or are advancing in. Same for dance, or soccer, etc.
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To be clear: I have no intention of forcing him to do anything. I don’t care if he’s ever particularly good at anything.
He’s always been a water kid so swimming was a must. He’s had an interest in music his whole life and loves going to his music exploration class.
We tried toddler Spanish because he likes listening to Spanish. But he hated those because you’d occasionally have to sit and listen. So we dropped those.
I don’t want him to be good at something but I do wish we could put him in group activities because he is INCREDIBLY social. He loves other people but he won’t listen to anyone and won’t do anything unless he wants to do it. So he asks us to do things like play sports but we simply can’t because he doesn’t function well like that.
I want to get him support so he can work on a way to do what he wants to do.