My son is currently in 8th grade and has been diagnosed with ADHD. He does well academically. He is always one of the youngest in his class and is physically small compared to some of his peers. He will be in 9th grade in the Fall of 2025; we want him to finish 9th grade at his current school. We then plan to start applying for 9th grade to private high schools in our area. Our main concern is his young age, his emotional maturity and social skills. I am looking for inputs from all parents, and especially those who can relate.
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I don’t relate directly but reclassifying in HS is super common in the private school world. I have never met someone who regrets holding their child “back” and plenty who, in hindsight, wish they had done so. From your description it sounds like a great decision for your son and family.
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Here is our story in case you find it helpful.
We had concerns regarding emotional maturity and executive function since 6th grade, but didn’t hold our son back in 8th grade in part because he was already 6’ tall and one of the oldest in his class (early October birthday). In addition, this was in the heels of covid and a private High School was the right choice at the time (structure, small classes, in-person learning). He has had academic struggles in HS, but exclusively related to executive functioning. Intellectually he is very capable. He has blossomed socially and for the first time found a group of friends who made him feel like he belonged. He hasn’t been diagnosed, but I know he is neurodivergent.
Up until 6 months ago we were considering a gap year after high school (he is a Senior) to allow for more maturity. But in the last 6-8 months he has matured and changed so much. We have decided to change our approach to parenting him as well, and as we stepped back, he stepped up. So we are now at a point where he is in the process of applying to colleges. He is looking at small, LACs, preferably religious (he attends a religious HS- he is not religious but he loves the environment).
Best wishes for your son.
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Making no judgement here. But can your family enroll your son in some ECs that can help build maturity and confidence through experience? Some type of scouts program, and/or hobby that allows him to use his hands?
Also, kids should be engaged in sports to account for our more sedentary lifestyles. Maybe a team sport is not for him, but racket sports (tennis/squash/racket ball), running, age/size appropriate weight lifting, gymnastics/parkour class at a local facility, martial arts…
Building skills with his hands and building strength with his body are key to healthy growth in such a digital world. He can be around peers in person and develop his social skills. The best time to start is yesterday, and now is another great time.
It might be uncomfortable for him to start, but he is so young (8th grade) that if you do so now any hiccups can be natural growth. And this might be better than holding him back in 9th, potentially.
If you build his confidence, his size will matter much less than his abilities.
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@thealternative good points. The building confidence part can be tricky and not simply attributed to external activities. You see, our son is a successful swimmer applying to swim in college (has been swimming since he was 5). In addition, he has experienced volunteer work and salaried work - and these were indeed excellent for him. However, for him, what hurt his confidence the most IMO was his overly concerned parents. It’s hard for a parent to come to this conclusion, as you can imagine. In retrospect, in trying to help, we ended up hindering his confidence. We were too hands-on. We should have let him fail early and often. Should have allowed him to figure things out before quickly stepping in. He is our first, so lots of learning for us along the way.
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Go for it. I held my boys back from Kindy (same thing - small, late b’day) and that was a great decision but I can only imagine the benefits if we’d waited till a transition year.
We had friends who lived the next block over who moved to our town and held back their rising 5th grader - best decision they ever made, they said.
Here’s my only caveat - private schools have become incredibly hard to get into - where I live, since Covid, the wait lists are a mile long. Start working connections now and donating money NOW.
We have two children who repeated - one repeated PK4 and the other repeated kinder. Both are summer birthdays so they would have graduated at 17 if we had not held them back and they are each on track to graduate now at 18 so I don’t consider them “older” than their grade. One has ADHD and, even though we didn’t have it diagnosed until middle school, it was obvious from very early on. We decided to hold her back because 1.) she was young for her grade 2.) we moved so it was easy to start over in PK4 again and 3.) she was just so unfocused that we hoped that the extra year would help. She is doing great. Definitely still has ADHD and I’m not really sure if holding her back “helped” anything but zero regrets. She’s slightly “old” for her grade now, but not by much. My other summer birthday child we also held back. He repeated kindergarten. He was just super immature and he’s also very small in stature. I do think holding him back helped him by giving him more time to mature…but he’s always going to be short. He’s doing great and he’s definitely NOT old for his grade as all summer birthdays in his grade were held back.
So, overall, I’m a fan of taking extra time.
Having said that, my husband was held back in middle school and did not like it. The reason they did it is that he was young for his grade. He lived in two different states during his childhood and each one had a different age cutoff. They moved back and forth between them twice. When they finally settled down in the state where he would finish school, they held him back so his age would align more closely with the kids in his grade. But, he really didn’t like it because even though they changed schools when he did, he already knew a lot of boys from sports and he was embarrassed to be held back.
Whatever you choose, I think that most kids are very resilient and will be find whether you hold them back or not. Good luck with your decision.
Is there any way that he’d be able to apply to 8th grade at the private school (as an 8th grader), rather than to apply to 9th grade (as a 9th grader)? I imagine it would be pretty jarring, socially, to start at the public high school and have all of the excitement and drama and emotions and crushes and connecting with teachers and all of that, knowing that there was a Sword of Damocles that — at the end of the year — would be hoiking you back to start 9th grade all over again at a new school. Better, I think, would be to join the private school as an 8th grader, and to start building those connections a year early. (I get it, though, if the private schools in your area are only 9–12, or if there’s some other logistical reason why this wouldn’t work. I think the idea of red-shirting him isn’t a bad one; I just would be concerned about his ability to be fully engaged with the new (private) school if he had ghost ties to the public high school class.)
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My adhd son repeated 9th grade. It was a good decision as he needed the extra time – it took that extra year, plus all 4 high school years to figure out how to function with his adhd.
Many (all?) kids with adhd are a few years behind their peers in the brain development area. Not necessarily maturity as it is commonly thought of. My son was very responsible, e.g., but his interests were those of someone a few years younger.
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I have had two kids reclassify by choice. They each received offers for schools where they did not need to repeat but chose to go in to the school where they applied as a repeat. They both have adhd. They both are very thankful that they did repeat. They still have their friends from their old school and enjoy that they have become there crystal ball friends - seeing where they go off to college and drafting a little behind in the time line to see how their friends take the college process on. I think each kid and family and school dynamic is a unique equation. Yet, having 5 years of English, math, requirements in history, science, a language is under appreciated. Once college begins, these classes might end after one term. The teachers giving feedback at the high school level vs college level is very different. The frontal cortex finishes developing around age 25 and some reports say older. Another poster referenced that many students, especially boy athletes reclassify. An Admissions office from a local area college even said that they like seeing older students as freshmen applicants for a variety of reasons. More students not the majority but increasingly more students are starting college at age 20. The boarding school my kids are very fortunate to go to is as good as I can imagine for them; classes are small, the teachers really love their craft, their teaching, their subjects and their students… slowing high school down by a year for more of the above before the divergent everything one can experience in college is a gift. Whatever choice you make will work out and the option to PG is another way to get another bonus year before college.
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Are you sure private schools will do this? I work at a private school and we generally will not do this if kids have passed their grade at their previous school. Also, if he already did 9th and then does 9th again, you’ll have to report both 9th grades on college apps which is going to be strange. He also may not be allowed to retake HS level courses, whereas retaking MS level courses is fine.
Yes. Private schools do allow students to enroll as 9th graders even if they have completed 9th grade.
You are not holding this child back. You are giving them the gift of time.
I am a big fan of giving the gift of time. My DH repeated 11th grade. And yea, this was at a private international school abroad. It was a great decision, he says. He completed 11th grade in a previous country. When he enrolled, the headmaster politely said he could be in 12th grade, but it would be better if he did 2 years at their school. To this day…DH says things clicked a lot better.
We had a November birthday kid, and our state at the time allowed enrollment if a child was 5 by January 1. We elected to have the kid do a PG year in preschool. It worked out very well. And many years later, the kid remarked that it was the right decision.
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It is extremely common for students to “reclass” when they enter private school, particularly boarding school.
Many of these schools require a level of a social and/or self-management maturity that isn’t necessary for kids living at home or in less rigorous environments, so they are supportive of kids who use a “redo” year (9th, 10th, or 11th) to ensure they’re set up for success.
Because many of these schools have so many high-achieving learners, the material is generally not repeated, and it often gives students a chance to put together a more impressive high school record.
Some athletes do this for the obvious advantages.
If you’re feeling like this is a path for you, you are not alone.
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Many colleges do not even take a 9th grade transcript, they ask for 10th-12th. If you change schools and start in that school as a 9th grader, the transcript for 9-12th from the school you are graduating/ applying from are valid. It is not necessary to send the previous 9th grade reports.
That’s right. If you start a new school only one set of 9th grade grades are sent to colleges.
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Not exactly the same situation, but our son has a summer birthday and our school district’s cut off was August 15, so we chose to start him a year late and have no regrets. As a former academic advisor and current university faculty member, the students I saw who arrived at orientation still 17 or at college having just turned 18 had a MUCH harder time in their first few semesters. My decision to start my son late was really based around that–I did not want him graduating high school at 17 and going off to college newly 18.
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My son repeated K. He has a December birthday, and was diagnosed as being dyslexic and dysgraphic. It was the right decision for him, but it truly depends on each individual. Young age on its own isn’t necessarily a problem.
Your son only just started 8th grade. Honestly, I would think hard about having him repeat 9th grade because of his size or immaturity. He is going to grow and mature a lot over the next two school years. He is doing well academically, so it seems his ADHD is well controlled. If he continues at the local high school for 9th and makes a lot of friends over the next two years, be sure he is on board with the idea of switching to private school. It could be a case of “it ain’t broke so don’t fix it.”
@cam2932 my eldest started college at 17 and had no problems. Her friend group tended to be on the younger side in high school and all went to college aged 17, so I do think it’s a case by case situation.
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Well, yes, if a kid is that young it makes sense. And, not all private schools allow this. I work for one that does not.
I am sure there are a few private schools that don’t allow reclassing. I live in an area with a ton of prep schools and every one allows this. The private high schools in this area allow this also.
The OP will need to simply ask if this is allowed at schools of interest.
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In our area this is a very common phenomenon as well.
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