<p>Well- I always thought that my first was so easy I didn’t develop many parenting skills.
I am walking the fine line between being aware that my D who is still at home has depression/anxiety issues & trying to help her " grow up".
The plans she had last spring- and even at the end of school, have changed.
I fear she is slipping into depression and while I * think* I am glad she is here where I can keep an eye on her, I think I also make her more irritable.</p>
<p>She is still planning on attending a state university next fall ( thank goodness we sent her acceptance and deposit in already), but she has refused to take a class at the community college to build her math skills and she is having trouble finding a job. ( The unemployment in area is fairly high. but she does have good references- as a camp counselor- I suspect the interview situation brings out her anxiety- I hate interviews myself)</p>
<p>I am trying to encourage her to take a class- any class, just to give her time some structure, but so far she is resisting pretty hard.
Unfortunately, I am afraid to push hard on any issue, as that has always made her push hard back/withdraw completely.
This is bad timing, as my H is on strike & at the end of the month we are apparently going to lose medical insurance- otherwise I would make her see a counselor.
I need to do a search for advice given for recalictrant children.</p>
<p>This time off is a real gift for her. Maybe she can be helped to see it that way. Perhaps you can get a course catalog from the CC and she can find something that will be totally fun and not put pressure. This can be a chance to do something unpredictable, unexpected, etc. If she needs to get a job, maybe she can do some tutoring of HS kids, or babysitting. She might be able to look at this time as a rare chance to do just what she wants with the only rule being that it has to be something-- not just sitting home doing nothing. Maybe she can volunteer for one of the political campaigns. Think outside the box! Good luck. I am sure this is anxiety-provoking for you.</p>
<p>I think you’re perfectly within your rights to demand that if she is living in your house she has to do something. Whether that is a course at a community college (maybe not even something like math, but just something she’d like to learn like sign language or cake decorating), volunteering somewhere, or having a job, you’re right that it will get her out of the house. If she were attending a cc, she might have access to free counseling services on campus and would certainly qualify for student insurance, not a negligible consideration.</p>
<p>“This is bad timing, as my H is on strike & at the end of the month we are apparently going to lose medical insurance- otherwise I would make her see a counselor”
If it is included in your current health plan, could she just go between now and the end of the month? To use up your # sessions, perhaps you could do two or three a week? I’m sure you could find a counselor to work with you. That health care company owes you those visits. Is the end of the month THIS month? Wow - that’s a week away. Maybe she could go every day for a week? Is that crazy? I would do it.</p>
<p>Sounds to me like she is not only, as you say, predisposed to anxiety, but she is at a juncture which is tough for everyone. On top of all of that, your whole family is under very legitimate stress due to the strike and health care worries. Wasn’t it you who also had a mom with health problems? My two cents is that you both go out for an ice-cream, and hug the hell out of each other. I think that her job and school situation is not as important as addressing the stress you are all under.</p>
<p>My gut is that will all that your family is fielding, now is not the time to play hard ball with your daughter.</p>
<p>Has she been diagnosed as depressed by a health professional? During the teen years (over 18), I once thought my D might be depressed and fortunately she had a regular physical scheduled.</p>
<p>I mentioned it to her doctor and the doc asked several specific questions during the visit and without revealing what was asked or answered, assured me she was fine. Well, she was suffering from being a teenager struggling to declare her independence and reject all parenting. :)</p>
