Parenting Question (Sports, Small Kids)

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Since all of you have kids that are much older than my kids, I thought you might be able to give me some perspective.</p>

<p>We would like to give our children the gift of playing organized sports, or rather, sports training (karate, horse riding, golf, whatever… heh, I typed “gold” instead of golf, a little bit of a Freudian slip there…)</p>

<p>Our four-year-old is fairly active but physically lazy. I am looking into whether sleep apnea–she snores at four years old–might be a factor, but barring that, she is still quite active since, well, she’s four. My husband is Muslim and he doesn’t want her doing in adolescence a sport that requires revealing costumes, e.g. most dance programs, cheer, swimming, gymnastics, tennis. I think she has the perfect body for swimming and I’m working on it with him, since I think he might accept a men’s full-body swim costume, but we’ll see.</p>

<p>We can’t afford the other sport we think she’d like–horse riding, in particular. She does have the little girl horse thing, but she also is actually very good on the horse, good posture, etc. and learned to ride a two-wheeler in three days. Great balance.</p>

<p>I would like to start her young so she has the chance to excel in the sport she chooses. I know it’s very early for her to decide so I want to expose her to sports that have real potential. Culturally, martial arts are a big deal for women (in large part because of the discreet dress worn) where he is from, but she shows zero interest.</p>

<p>There are exploratory courses here but they are very hard to get into.</p>

<p>Our goal is just to give her something she CAN excel in, if she chooses to, as well as a physical activity as a distraction and something separate from school.</p>

<p>She also wants to skateboard but my mom ruined her back for life on a skateboard. I guess that’s a possibility with horse riding as well. Sigh.</p>

<p>Also, did any of you have your small children in music and sports from a young age? I go crazy when both my girls are in swimming lessons with all the driving… what did you do? What worked for your relatively normal child? Thanks in advance.</p>

2

<p>At this age it should only be about having fun and perhaps learning a tad about discipline. There is no way to predict what she will excel at later in life. For example my daughter who is now 18 played soccer as a 4 and 5 yo. She was pretty good at it but hated getting into the “scrum” around the ball that is usually part of youth soccer. So she stopped playing which was okay by us. She turned to softball (another sport you might consider given the nature of the uniform) instead. As a freshman in high school she, on a whim, decided to play field hockey. I was sure she would hate it based on her earlier soccer experience but I was dead wrong. She turned into her team’s leading scorer and was elected captain her senior year.</p>

<p>As for softball, the uniforms for the most part are modest - right now the trend is away from shorts and towards pants. I’ve seen players wearing headscarves without any problem - as a matter of fact a talented player who has always worn a headscarf (I hope that is the right term) will be on our high schools freshman team this year. I’ve seen her play since she was about 8.</p>

3

<p>At that age, you might want to try a variety of sports and find out what she likes, and if she has an affinity to any of them. The same with music, art and any other extra recreational programs. I think with our kids we tried just about everything except horseback riding and dance. Of course, one of my sons decided to go into dance in college. That’s the way it tends to go sometimes.</p>

4

<p>Thanks, Bennnie! Congrats on your daughter’s selection as captain. Good idea about softball. It’s really big in my dad’s family and my dad played in the minor leagues briefly.</p>

<p>Headscarf is the right term. Some people use the Arabic word but we don’t care. My husband’s concern is really skin above the knee and elbow–well and cleavage obviously but how I don’t recall ever seeing that on a girl athlete, not even a cheerleader, LOL!</p>

<p>Captain–LOL about your son. Typical. The thing is, she likes gymnastics but my husband does not want her doing gymnastics as a teen. So we kind of don’t want to set her up for a huge disappointment. I know it is unfair, but in addition, she is tall and barrel-chested and my husband’s family is all tall and big boned, so the likelihood of going on in that, genetically, is just so slim. What I’d hate to see is for her to be told she’s “too big” by a coach, because I know my SIL’s body types and they are NOT gymnasts (they eat very healthy diets and work all the time), or if not to actually be making it and then told by her dad that he doesn’t support her (even if I did).</p>

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<p>For what it’s worth, MmeZeeZee, there were several Muslim students on my high school’s track and tennis teams (both “standard” uniforms for women were quite revealing). They wore slim fitting longsleeved athletic shirts and long pants underneath the regular uniform, along with their hijab (?) and no one made a fuss about it. I imagine, depending on where you live, it will be much the same with your daughter, unless she’s playing on a <em>very</em> high level where restrictions on dress due to religious reasons would be cause for a DQ.</p>

6

<p>She is pretty little for a lot of sports. One sport that has great coverup is fencing :slight_smile: My D just started this year at the age of 15, and really likes this (this was after trying MANY other sports over the years). Wish we had found it sooner. But I think 4 is a little young for it. Keep it in mind for when she is older, though.</p>

<p>Regarding swimming, we considered that an essential skill, not just a sport (it certainly could have become one, of course).</p>

7

<p>I wouldn’t eliminate certain activities for body type or skill reasons at this point in time. First of all, they can really help out in other sports. I knew a number of gymnasts that switched to swimming and other sports. The same with little dancers. A lot of the skills learned in many of the activities are usable in others. You can often see what your child enjoys in an activity and where her strengths are in it and pick the next activity accordingly. It’s hard to pin point otherwise. It is most often a process. </p>

<p>Tennis is a great sport to learn for life as is golf, and there are kiddie clinics for those. Swimming, as intparent says, is an essential skill. Also it’s just plain nice to be able to skate and do somethings even if you are not going to specialize in it. I always wish I had taken voice lessons since I liked to sing but had a terrible voice and lessons could have helped me make a little more out of it. If you think dance costumes are not for your family, look into a Dalcroze Eurhythmics class which is a great precursor to music lessons and a lot of fun too.</p>

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<p>My S started in sports at 5 with soccer. I felt it was appropriate for his age and gave him a lot of confidence (and exercise!) He then moved on to t-ball and baseball then basketball. By 8th grade, he dropped all sports and turned to music (he had one year of piano in 6th grade) and it has been his passion ever since. </p>

<p>D started in ballet at 4 and danced til 8th grade, played soccer and softball for a couple of years in between, and then she rediscovered golf (she golfed for one season at the age of 9). She’ll most likely attend college on a golf scholarship. </p>

<p>You just never know where they’ll end up! At 4, there are many kids programs that may give her an introduction to different activities. And then see what sticks!! ;)</p>

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<p>I think it is far, far too young to think about excelling in a sport. The focus at this age and for the next few years should be in having her try a bunch of different activities and seeing which ones she gravitates towards. Even so, a million things can change. You are talking about “deciding.” There is absolutely nothing to “decide” at this point. Let her be a little girl. Frankly a lot of her exercise should be coming from learning how to ride a bike, climbing the jungle gym, hopscotch, running around with her little friends … not organized sports at this point.</p>

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<p>If you give her a variety of exposure she’ll get those basic skills (running, jumping, throwing, catching, kicking and swimming)that will then allow her to chose her own sport when she gets older. As far as swimming, most, if not all, state high school athletic associations have banned full body suits for both genders because they improve times. Our male swimmers are not allowed anything above the waist and nothing below the top of the knees; I’m not sure about the requirements for girls, but I know they are all wearing a standard competition tank suit. At our local high school, the only girl’s varsity team that doesn’t show a lot of skin is the equestrian team. Even our softball players wear sleeveless jerseys, but it would probably be okay to wear a shirt underneath. The golf team uniform could possibly be modified to offer full coverage, but they wear shorts and a ladies fit polo shirt. There are some club sports like bowling, skiing, table tennis and ice skating that wouldn’t require skimpy clothing.</p>

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<p>Pizzagirl, definitely. Most of her exercise comes from the hour or five we spend at the park daily, when she rides her bike, digs in sand, etc. Sports are two or three hours a week at most, which is nothing near what she needs in terms of outside time and activities.</p>

<p>I guess I feel limited because we don’t have the money to pay for more than one sport, and I do know people who put their kids in at four and five to prep for leagues as early as seven. But you all are right… she could change any time.</p>

<p>Re: fencing: I bet she would be INCREDIBLE at fencing. Her dad’s family are all lefties / ambidextrous and have freakishly long arms. As in, can’t buy suits, have to have them all tailored. Two professional boxers in the family! (No, she may NOT do boxing, or rather, I will not pay for it.) Plus… she loves swords, so much so that I’ve banned all sticks from our home. I still hope she will outgrow that, LOL.</p>

<p>I seriously doubt that there are fencing clubs for pre-schoolers, but I will keep it in mind as something to let her try.</p>

<p>I think another part of this comes from the fact that we had NO money for sports when I was young. I will spare you my sob story but there were definitely areas that I could have excelled in but had no chance. I just don’t want to disappoint her like that.</p>

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<p>As tempting as this is, please think about this. I have seen so many kids start organized sports young and then burn out or lose interest by the time they are in their teens. I have also seen kids pushed into sports and never really “excel”. Some of the best athletes I know started their sport a little later. I am just not a fan of organized sports for kids under the age of 8. As others have suggested, your daughter can be (should be!) active and playing outdoors and having fun at this age.</p>

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<p>“Even our softball players wear sleeveless jerseys”</p>

<p>You don’t live in the north! LOL We live in the northwest, so I seriously doubt that would happen.</p>

<p>Figure-skating uniforms would be considered very skimpy for us. It’s that they’re sheer and well above the knee plus–and I realize that to US, in the States, this is not at all sexual, but realize that he’s thinking of his family far away–some of the positions the men and women are in can be considered highly provocative in certain cultures.</p>

<p>“If you give her a variety of exposure she’ll get those basic skills (running, jumping, throwing, catching, kicking and swimming)that will then allow her to chose her own sport when she gets older.”</p>

<p>Here’s the thing. I think I have nailed it, so I guess it’s not a parenting question at all. :frowning: We don’t want her to choose when she’s older. We want to guide her when she’s younger so when she’s hormonal and headstrong at twelve, we are not explaining to her why her dad thinks her raison d’etre is inappropriate. Because that would be heartbreaking. We are not trying to open sports up for her. We are trying to get her very interested in choices that would be culturally appropriate.</p>

<p>Unfortunately, my husband is in the Army and it’s heavily dominated by people from the South, where short skirts and sparklies are apparently de rigeur for girls’ activities.</p>

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<p>Fallgirl, okay, you all have convinced me that she doesn’t need to start young. :)</p>

<p>However, I do want to add that SHE is asking to join sports, since most of her friends do them. I think she’s jealous of the uniforms and the gym equipment, mainly.</p>

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<p>S started Tae Kwon Do at 4 and continued that for 10 years. D took a year of ballet at 4 and decided she didn’t really like that and wanted to do Tae Kwon Do also. She continued for 6 years. They both kind of lost interest around 4 years ago and quit at the same time. S played soccer and then hockey until the age when the boys start checking. D still plays hockey and is in her 10th year. Both of them learned to golf very young, and also learned to ski. They had swimming lessons from age 4, but neither took it up as a sport. Swimming is great exercise, and can be a lifelong choice. </p>

<p>I get that you don’t want her to choose something you will eventually find “inappropriate” but there is only so much you can do in terms of getting her to like something YOU choose. I would look at trying to expose her to as many acceptable options as possible, so that she really DOES have some kind of choice.</p>

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<p>For a four year old, I would start with what’s easily available in your area and what her friends are doing. A well-organized program and a positive experience is more important than what she is likely to excel at long-term.
As a mom, I think water safety is a priority for all kids and I would throw swimming lessons in, too. There are plenty of cute, modest swimsuits.</p>

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<p>Starting your DD in general organised sports can be great for their exposure, you never know at which sport your DD will excel. My kids have done:
swimming
dance
gymnastics
soccer
softball
basketball
soccer
volleyball
field hockey
rugby
cross country
track</p>

<p>One of mine was a tremendous athlete from early on, she was also rather hyper so putting her into year round organised sports was a move of self preservation, I had to tire her out somehow. She was a triple sport varsity athlete in HS, played in university, etc.</p>

<p>One was competitive, but not like the one above, she ended up preferring two sports, one was available in HS and she did it. The other was not at all athletically inclined, but still did sports in HS, even one in varsity.</p>

<p>Exposure to many sports is going to help your DD get fit, get healthy, become agile & coordinated, etc. I would bet money that my athletically uninterested kid would never have asked to do any sports, but by the time she got to HS she had so much experience in a sport in which she was decently competitive, so she felt comfortable in the competition situation, she knew how the races worked. Just the exposure is going to be helpful. </p>

<p>Anything your DD does now can provide skills to transfer to something that requires more maturity, like fencing.</p>

<p>That being said, we signed up the youngest for each sport, in it’s season, as we had the older kids, but her obvious lack of interest meant we did not force her in subsequent seasons. It has to be fun, yet the have to be introduced early enough that they are not too far behind other kids in their area.</p>

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<p>I really don’t think kids should be playing organized sports before about 8 either. My younger son insisted on playing soccer in K (like his big brother) and half the kids were more interested in sniffing the flowers and they didn’t know which was their own goal half the time. While swimming certainly can be a sport, it doesn’t have to be. I consider learning to swim an essential life skill. Both my kids started lessons in preschool and took lessons until I considered them competent. I’ve definitely seen Muslim girls taking lessons at our Y. </p>

<p>At any rate I think you can choose several activities for her to try out and then see what sticks. You don’t have to choose activities that you think are inappropriate. I actually think more useful than sports are lifetime health activities. Taking walks, biking, hiking, maybe a little rock climbing, learning to use fitness equipment and weights, yoga. I think one problem we Americans have is that we stop exercising after high school, because we aren’t good enough for college teams and there aren’t that many options in the communities. I know adults who play softball and a few who play basketball, and lots who play golf, but that’s about it in terms of sports.</p>

<p>By the way, with the increased worries about skin cancer you can get extremely modest swimwear: <a href=“http://www.sunprecautions.com/shop/all/water_wear[/url]”>http://www.sunprecautions.com/shop/all/water_wear&lt;/a&gt; or <a href=“http://www.sungrubbies.com/product_index_html/SPF-Swimwear-Kid2.htm[/url]”>http://www.sungrubbies.com/product_index_html/SPF-Swimwear-Kid2.htm&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>The new rule book for women’s swim suits says it cannot cover the neck, or extend past the shoulders or knees. These suits are not sexy - they are designed for speed and compress the person into it!</p>

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<p>I understand the concern about the revealingness of gymnastics outfits. But as far as body type is concerned, I think you should let go of some (understandable) stereotypes. My daughter just finished her final season as a high school gymnast. The girls on her team come in all shapes and sizes. The most accomplished gymnasts are not all 4 feet and 80 pounds. At the high school level (which, really, is the level after which most people will stop competitive athletics), strength and endurance are more important than weight. As for horseback riding, it is possible to find relatively inexpensive places to ride. Just don’t buy a horse. Even my physician (i.e., a wealthy person) said that worked out badly for his family.</p>