<p>I guess I must be one of “those” parents. I get more than three texts from my Ds on most days. Yesterday, I heard things like “puddles are no fun without galoshes.” and “Best Caesar salad ever!”</p>
<p>Not willing to give those up, so I will remain one of “those” parents.</p>
<p>Holy. Cow.</p>
<p>I just read this professor’s incredibly explicit article about her 17-year-old daughter’s sex life that was published in the New York Times, complete with the child’s name. And she’s criticizing what other parents do?!</p>
<p>^^totally agree…yech</p>
<p>sorry no parent should ask their child for specific explicit info about their sex lives. just wrong on so many levels. and that she identifies her d’s name and their very fav lunch place? is she an exhibitionist, does she not know about protecting her young??</p>
<p>i am not convinced that distance makes much difference. 10 miles or 1000 miles. it is hard to let them go. under your roof or not under your roof…to me it has felt the same. one son was 20 minutes away, the other 20 hours…it still hurt the same.</p>
<p>I think exhibitionism is a motive for most people who blog/write about their own parental wisdom, unless they’re anonymous (or pseudonymous - is that a word?).
Here’s what the author wrote about discussing the techniques of oral sex with her daughter while they were out for lunch:</p>
<p>"…she was being trained that it was O.K. to talk about her clitoris in a diner. I want her to be a woman who can not only do this, but who can discuss it over lunch with her friends."</p>
<p>but at least she’s not getting overly involved in her kid’s life by texting her too often.</p>
<p>^^Are you all making this up?</p>
<p>^^ Ack. Makes me glad I don’t have a lunch date with this woman…</p>
<p>zoosermom, I wish…but those are her exact words. I put in a link to the original in post #12.</p>
<p>I think the author is pretty savvy. She’s getting buzz by being a bit over-the-top in both articles.</p>
<p>At the risk of being flamed, I think the conversation she had with her daughter was absolutely appropriate. Why are we so scared to talk to our kids about all things sex?</p>
<p>Seren, I was afraid to peek!</p>
<p>Suzy, I speak to my college and graduate-school daughters about sex. I just don’t write about it for public consumption using their names.</p>
<p>I think the sex talk is fine, but “training” the daughter to have the talk in a diner, and then writing about it in the NY Times is not. Allegedly the girl gave the mom her loving approval to write the article, but she has many years to regret that decision.
How would most of our kids feel if we wrote about their first experiences with oral sex in the blog of a major newspaper?</p>
<p>talking with our daughters about sex, of course, healthy. speaking positively in general about sex, love, being treated well absolutely. </p>
<p>asking them specific questions about sexual behavior they’ve engaged in, inappropriate. would it be appropriate for the child to ask the parent, do you do this, that? I guess there’s a gray area here, but I think this is a parent child boundary issue. my d knows I support her being on birth control and her being a sexual being, however her personal sex life is her business…just as everyone’s is.</p>
<p>I just read the link in post #12–holy cow. I wonder if there are any other parents who don’t know what classes their children are taking, but do know the details of their intimate relationships.</p>
<p>Maybe her daughters said that sure mom, it’s fine for you to write about all of this on your blog. But the author also exposed the privacy of her older daughter’s best friend, writing about how the young woman had a pregnancy scare and did a pregnancy test at their house. I can just imagine how the young woman reacted to reading that. Not to mention how the young woman’s parents reacted. </p>
<p>She also violated the privacy of her older daughter’s boyfriend. He might even see what the author wrote as humiliating. How is that going to affect his relationship with the young woman? Did the mom also “train” her daughter to expect that her romantic partners should be just fine with the daughter discussing them and all details of their relationships with the mom? </p>
<p>Can you imagine having her as a mother-in-law? Ugh, ugh, ugh.</p>
<p>suzy100, I don’t have a problem with the mother having that talk with her daughter. I have a problem with the mother having that talk with the daughter, then spilling EXPLICIT details of the 17-YEAR-OLD daughter’s sex life (and the boyfriend’s, and the girl’s friend’s pregnancy scare) in the New York Times, THEN criticizing other parents for being too involved in their kids’ lives. (And whether the daughter gave permission or not, a 17-year-old’s privacy was violated in a very disturbing and voyeuristic manner BY THE MOTHER, as was the girl’s boyfriend’s privacy.)</p>
<p>I absolutely agree that writing on a public forum about the things she discussed with her daughter is a problem, and I’d never do it. I also agree that there were privacy violations concerning the daughter’s boyfriend and her friend who had the pregnancy scare. I just don’t think the conversation itself was a bad thing.</p>
<p>I just read it and, frankly, it reads like porn. I wonder how much of it is true.</p>
<p>The writer and her daughters have absolutely no idea about an actual “separation”. The daughters know their parent(s) are within throwing distance at all times, even as they play at independence.</p>
<p>Her daughters also have the comfortable position of knowing mom is part of the administration, and that any departmental or bureaucratic problem they have can be answered, or solved, by mom or informed staff.</p>
<p>The mother has never experienced learning her daughter is in a distant hospital or too ill in a dorm room to even walk to the health center. Nor have the students likely ever had to pack up a dorm room alone, and move it all into summer storage on their own, while studying for exams at year end.</p>
<p>Her daughters have never felt the blue chill of needing an hour and a hug with mom to discuss a failed relationship or low grade, and having to settle for a long distance calls, until the term is over.</p>
<p>It is easy to claim she, the writer, has cut the apron strings, when really, her kids are still in the apron pockets, out of sight but still attached at the hip.</p>
<p>The Times Motherlode article - <em>shudder.</em> There is nothing that a woman with so little respect for the privacy of her daughter, or her daughter’s friends, can teach me about parenting. Where are her boundaries? Those are handy things for parents of older kids to have. </p>
<p>I don’t know ANYONE in real life who could have written this. And I thought I knew mothers with boundary issues!</p>
<p>Conversation is never bad. Regurgitating that conversation in my blog in the New York Times IS bad.</p>
<p>I would have been furious if I were the boyfirend or the scared-I-might-be-pregnant best friend.</p>
<p>The mother is obviously more interested in publishing articles than keeping boundaries of privacy and respect towards her daughters. Clearly she has no idea how the girls may be stigmatized or judged by her fellow students. (Imagine immature drunken frat boy types and evangelical types…shudder.)</p>
<p>TMI, mom, TMpublicI.</p>