Another thought to add:
as a parent, my job is also to lower the stakes for my kid. At 17, they truly believe this is a MAJOR decision that will determine their entire life. So, my gentle approach is also to keep the spirit that this is just the first step out on the path, and that we can change our paths in life. If the school isn’t the right fit, you can pivot and change. If the major isn’t the right fit, you can change majors, or just enter a different field after graduation. I feel like society loves to make all these decisions so HIGH STAKES, when honestly…life is long. We can do many different things. I got rejected by a dream school at 17 that offered me admission to grad school years later. I earned a bachelors degree in one thing and pivoted to another thing entirely. And then 15 years later, I did it again. And now I’m in grad school for a second masters, and ALL of my experiences are finding a place in my life today. Honestly, I chose the “wrong” undergrad. And I’m fine and happy and successful and it’s all just totally great. So, the stakes are lower than the 17 year old thinks. (communicating that, though, requires more of a general attitude approach, NOT a direct “hey this really doesn’t matter” because it really DOES matter deeply to our kids. And we don’t want to minimize or dismiss the societal pressure and self-pressure they are under in this. )
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