I agree with jym626. Understand and relate to your kids, empathize with them, but it will pass and although your child may never forget, it won’t sting as much once they are at the school they chose. Same thing happened to me…rejected from UCLA and Brown. Both brothers graduated from Brown, thought I’d never live it down. Still remember being rejected, I was upset for a few weeks, but it passed, and now 35 years later, attending no name UCSD was the best experience for me. This might not be the same for your child, but I’m sure they will be fine in a few months and enjoying the school they did decide to attend!
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excellent point! and great rec!
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Thank you all for the thoughtful posts. 
I totally get that everyone is sharing from their own perspective on what helps / doesn’t help. The application season sometimes feels so focused on accomplishments and successes, and I’m grateful that you have shared how to navigate through less successful, more vulnerable moments. I appreciate your candor and wisdom.
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FWIW, setbacks in life makes people more thoughtful and compassionate.
My respect for my dad grew many folds after that stupid rejection I experienced 30 years ago. It gave us an opportunity to come even closer as a family. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Saying this as a son from 30 years ago, and as a dad of a DD now.
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We went through this last week when my kid was rejected from their 1st choice. It was a long shot and knew all along they wouldn’t make it, but as posted here by a few people, the rejection still hurts. This rejection came at the same time as two other acceptances (both were semi reach so was a good feeling). My kid said they needed 30 mins in a car all by themself to process it all. I was a little hurt because I wanted to be there for them and make it better but I let it go. They came back home and said “Thank you for raising me the way you did and letting me figure things out. I was sad but after reflecting, I am proud of what I have done and I picked myself back up and enjoying the wins”. They didn’t want to discuss about anymore and as much as I like to ask more, I had to let it be…sigh…don’t know if they are okay or not. Nothing has been easy for this kid - been knocked down many times and as a parent, I wanted to protect them but through the years of falling and seeing them picking themselves back up, I learned to watch and they learned to navigate life’s ups and downs.
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For my kid- commiserating seems to help. She’s a closed book so that helps her express her disappointment. Then we make a game plan on how to move forward. She’s very practical so having a plan helps.
She’s dealt with a few pretty tough and unexpected rejections. So we’ve, unfortunately, have had practice.
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Oh! Also, I found a particular non-academic aspect of my kid that they are proud of (leader in a social issue, for my kid). And I explained how a college doesn’t need 500 of those, maybe 10, and there’s a couple in every class. So, maybe the 3 classes still at school have enough, and they didn’t need any more of that particular type of leader. So, it’s better that they go to a school that needs them more. But this conversation definitely took place a couple of days after the initial response and allowing the disappointment feelings to be felt.
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My daughter got rejected from her first choice. What made it worse was that it was the same college her older brother was attending. She was quite sad for a couple of days. But then she started to get excited about her second choice. In the end, her second choice was, we thought and so did our daughter later, a better choice than her first choice.
I interview applicants for my alma mater. It has a very low acceptance rate, so many of the students I interview won’t get in even though they are great students. What I tell them in the interview is that college is only 4 years while your career will be 40 years. What matters more is what you do in your career rather than where you went to college.
Love the one that loves you!
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How is your son doing?
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Whoever said “time” is spot on IMO. Time and emotional support. As parents, we want to fix everything right now. Well - guess what - life doesn’t always provide an immediate fix.
Time seems like a simplistic argument, but maybe your kid needs to feel rejection after working really really hard because that in itself is a very valuable lesson that will only be recognized with the passage of time.
Any parent that cares for their kids doesn’t want to see them in pain, struggling, fill with self doubt. However, they do need to figure out how to deal with disappointment, and the only class being offered on that topic is life itself. Furthermore, they need to figure this out for themselves. Doing everything for them - including fixing their problems - means they will never figure it out for themselves.
You can’t fix everything, but you can teach them strategies to constructively deal with disappointment and move forward - always forward.
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Thanks for checking! It was a rough and quiet week, for sure. He is better; he’s still disappointed but has shown interest in visiting a few of the schools that accepted him for their accepted student days. He got a few swag mailers, which made him smile, and a pretty competitive honors program acceptance which also appeals to him. I wasn’t sure how long to wait while he worked things out mentally, since we would need to arrange flights to some places and didn’t want to wait too long for that. One easily driveable visit day at our state school I just booked and told him we were going and he was fine with that.
He knew his #1 would be a tough admit, and thankfully the school is really transparent about its admission data. S25 was interested in seeing how tough of an admit it was this year, which seemed to help. None of the other very strong students at his school were accepted either, so they were miserable together…
GVDADABRK2022, I don’t think my original post communicated that I am trying to “do everything for him” and I’m not under the illusion that I can or should “fix everything.” I know my son is not alone in being disappointed by rejection from his favorite school and was interested in hearing the coping strategies that many helpful posters have shared. For us, it was data (not a surprise for my kid!), distraction, some well-timed love from other schools, and my spouse and I reinforcing that we are decidedly NOT attached to prestige or rankings, since I know many of the voices at his school are fixated on both.
Thanks again to those of you who commiserated and/or shared your experiences with your own kids!
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Well we have to see the good in everything. But sometimes, odds are not in our favour! So there is nothing a person can’t do except working hard & overcome the flaw in here.
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