We are healthy and protected from the harsh realities of NYC right now… I hear sirens as I type this…
H is working from home. I switched from full time work to full time momming a year and a half ago because S1 struggled mightily in school and H has an intense job. S1 (Aspergers, profoundly gifted/Davidson Young Scholar) is 11 in 6th, S2 (bright, social butterfly) is 10 in 4th.
We hunkered down in 1k sq. ft. mercifully with a small deck for fresh air. Kids are on laptops on and off 8:30am-3pm. S1 has 3-4 30 min live classes per day on Zoom plus assignments on Google classroom (videos, quizzes, writing). S2 has 2ish Zooms per day + lots of independent work via a platform (videos, worksheets, quizzes, writing). When off school hours we play a lot of card games, listen to music, play with our two cats, make food, read, read, read… Lots of middle reader and YA fantasy. Boys have never gamed, no social media, no apps, etc. and though their friends do that stuff, my boys don’t ask for screen time beyond what is required for school. They do ask for movies and we watch maybe 3-4/week on Amazon; last night we watched Moneyball.
SO. I realize they are likely missing out on their generations’ coming-of-age zeitgeist in Animal Crossing or TicTok, or whatever. They just aren’t asking me for this stuff (yet).
Q. If I were to introduce the boys to some kind of online interactive thingy, what would folks with older kids recommend that is wholesome, healthy, interesting, worthwhile? OR Am I overthinking this and should just let them lead the way? They are both in regular contact with classmates and friends throughout the day on ”lunch bunch” zooms. We are far from religious homeschoolers forsaking modernity… we are just kinda in ‘offline’ mode outside of school.
My kids made it through tween-hood without a lot of video games, phone apps, screen time. They had some, did watch movies and one watched some crappy TV, but they didn’t spend hours and hours on games and didn’t have systems that interacted with their friends. We did have a Wii but not many games so they lost interest (one use it for exercise, one for a Disney drawing game).
If your kids show an interest in something specific, make it available. Otherwise, let them do their own things.
imho- it’s best to avoid on-line gaming as long as possible for kids tending to be obsessive and competitive. Because no matter how long you play, it’s never over. Or at least that was our experience.
I never had much interest in online games growing up, even though they were already big with my generation. I definitely wouldn’t force it.
I did end up getting into social media and gaming in college. My H on the other hand is a hardcore gamer and he’s hoping our kid has more of my attitude towards online gaming than his.
I have a 12 yr old who spends 95% of his time online (ok, maybe not THAT much but it sure feels like it!). He’s heavy into gaming, social media, etc.
Let them spend their time they way they want. I guarantee they know about everything that’s out there way more than you do, they just choose not to participate. And that’s fine! I’d prefer Little S not spend so much time online. But when he’s done w/ class by noon, there’s only so much educational stuff he’s going to tolerate on a daily basis. He’s very much my gregarious, gotta be the center of everyone’s attention, social butterfly.
If they aren’t asking for it I wouldn’t push it. However if they DO ask for it I would try to accommodate their request still with limits - no need to jump in with both feet!
Instead of gaming is there something else they might have interest in doing that would be more creative but techy? Does one of them have an interest in music? One of my nephews was never interested in social media, etc. but loved using computer programs to compose music. I imagine there might be other online extracurriculars associated with a hobby for them to enjoy.
Also, good to hear from you and with you and your family being in NYC, I’m happy to hear you are safe and well. Keep on keeping on.
We passed on the video games, cell phones and such when our kids were that age and older. Focused instead on art, crafts, music, games that weren’t online, movies like you, cooking, music - both listening and playing, hobbies, etc.
Kids survive just fine without gaming and such, even if their peers are heavily into it.
Most parents with older kids just wished that their kids would be doing what yours are. At some point I have seen my son doing something on his phone, iPad and computer while watching TV… At the same time!!
We were not even doing cable TV till my daughter was clueless at school when kids were talking about this or that show or actor etc. That’s when we decided to add cable TV. Then that sorta morphed into everything else electronic and online like Netflix etc.
Keep doing what your doing would be my advice. It will change at some point and your going to wish they would just play a game /cards /or listen to music with you. Enjoy it while you still can!
You sound like great parents! The most important thing is that your kids love to read and are keeping up with their school work. IMHO, it is wonderful that your kids don’t game. I have one son who games and one who doesn’t. If I could go back, I would have never, ever purchased the “playbox” as I like to call it. Don’t introduce it, don’t mention it and don’t start it. It’s a complete mindless time waste. I would also wait as long as possible to give your children an iPhone. My children (especially my second son) were at an age where everything was coming out before we really knew much about it. We had limited knowledge of the technology as it entered out lives. If I know knew then what I know now…
Yes, absolutely, count your blessings. I will say that i do think if they absolutely have to play a game, Minecraft in creative mode is probably the least damaging thing they can do. They might also enjoy drawing in sketchup and the younger one programming in scratch, the older one will be quickly beyond it.
My 13 yo, oddly, has gotten the whole family (bar me, I seem to lack a brain compartment for this one)into Rubics cubes. They‘re back! And they’re back as 4x4x4, and 5x5x5, and pyraminxes, and dodecahedrons, and they are really transformed, they turn so easily…if you can live with the constant clicking, it might be a fun project for the age group.
OTOH, not every aspect of their day has to be educational. Downtime is fine. There doesn’t have to be a purpose to everything. Mind sucks aren’t necessarily a bad thing.
So when my kid was in high school somehow he got most /all of his homework done and came home to play like for 1.5-2 hours with his game set. He was /still into sport games like baseball /football /basketball. Not all gaming is “kill games” but he had a few of them.
So he convinced us that this was his way of relaxing. He did go to an intense high school. If grades dropped so will the gaming. They never did.
So one day I actually went down and watched him play. This was on a shooter game. He was on level 4,567?. Of course I am making that up. I tried it and lasted like 10 seconds. I got a bit better as I played but honestly it’s just not my thing. Then I looked up playing video games and engineering and getting into college for the fun of it. There were so many articles that were supporting eye /hand coordination, memory, and using different parts of the brain to go up the levels. One article was saying colleges like to hear your on level 4,567 if also your grades are also great. His were. Enter college and he took his Playstation with
Again as a release and to unwind and to share with his roommate to watch Netflix etc.
Fast forward now Junior in engineering at known college. Hasn’t touch the play station most of the year but plays some online baseball game online. Took over a team of unknown college students and adults. He became the manager and they won 4 world series in a row. Now these are management skills. Something he is looking to do and had done in college in his student organization which has to do with Augmented reality… Lol wearing the game set on your head (major industries use this technology today.)
So as I also don’t want any kid glued to his electronics. There can be some benefit to it if managed properly.
Just adding, agree with those that say don’t open the gaming can of worms, but if they do later on want to that Minecraft is a good choice.
Also all my kids didn’t get cell phones, and thus were not really on socil media, until they were 13, and starting high school. We are rural, you are in nyc, so you may well need them to have phones earlier, but wrote this so you know not “everyone” has phones at 11.
Such great perspectives. Thanks I needed to gut-check my strategy.
I suspect as they get older and develop interests, they will utilize online stuff more. I have an open mind and will follow their lead.
S1 is having THE BEST year of his academic life in his new (5th!) school. He skipped up to 6th from 4th but clearly that was the right call. Straight As and one B+ and a few kids towards whom he feels friendly. He will try Davidson Institute online (one class) in the fall. I’m excited to see how that works out for him intellectually and socially. The class is “World Empires” and it is a full year long.
S2 is sailing along with his usual ease. He missed soccer but his spirits are buoyant. He’s such a bowl of cherries kid. And on that note he wants to play Star Realms with me during a break so dashing off…
