I was thinking of an example from my own life this morning, that will reply to later. But I would appreciate hearing from others. It can be fascinating to look at your kids and realize how much their habits are like yours, even if unanticipated.
Live within your means.
Dream big, never take no for an answer.
Make your bed every morning.
(Good habit to start the day right and promotes other good habits)
Your word is your honor. (If you say you’re going to do something, you do it. Also, lying in our house is the absolute worst. Our kids know they can be honest with us, even if it’s hard)
Pinkie promise. (Kind of goes back to “your word is your honor” but if you pinkie promise about something, it is locked and you are 100% telling the truth)
Bottom line, install good basic habits like making your bed and keeping your room clean and don’t lie.
Community service, including voting.
All of my kids were in scouting and participated in food drives, clothing drives, stationery drives, blood drives, etc.
My youngest, then 18, was a bone marrow/stem cell donor.
All of the kids donate blood and, this morning, my oldest, spent his only day off this week donating platelets.
They have all taken part in multiple community service efforts over the years, generally without parental prodding.
I am really proud that my children participate in community service and that they all vote.
^techmom99, totally hear you about the voting. This was the first year my 18 year old could vote and she asked me, after turning in her absentee ballot, “Why would someone not vote??” Like she just couldn’t comprehend that. I loved that moment and hope she keeps that feeling her whole life.
We are all ridiculously punctual.
When my kids were very young, their very first ever bed-time story that I read to them was Aesop’s fable, “The Ant and the Grasshopper.” In fact, I read the same fable to them every night for as long as I can remember.
What I tried to indelibly embed deeply in their subconscious minds: hard work ethics and delayed gratification.
Now, they’re in their college age, and I’m seeing the fruits of the early effort in two main areas: strong work ethics and fiscal discipline. I don’t worry about their future. No matter what direction their lives may take them, you can’t go wrong when possessing both virtues.
Empathy.
Making and owning decisions.
The payback hasn’t been surprising, but otherwise here are the values and habits I’m glad my daughters have picked up: compassion; helpfulness; fortitude; sensitivity to other people’s emotions.
Yesterday, D2 and I celebrated Christmas with my side of the family. My mom bitingly “joked” about my daughter not helping. D2 had made one of the foods we brought, wrapped presents, and gone grocery shopping with me beforehand. The thing she didn’t do, AT MY REQUEST, was help take boxes out to the car when we were getting ready to leave. I wanted her to stay inside, to keep an eye on our dog, who I was concerned might try to bolt when I was going in and out. Meanwhile, my niece wasn’t doing anything to help her dad, and no snarky comments were made.
My kids picked up on all sorts of things that are values I tried to instill. And some that didn’t work out, partially as I had an ex husband who put me and my values down to the kids on a regular basis. I envy those of you whose kids are bed makers as that didn’t work out either, despite me never leaving my own unmade.
But what did surprise me, is their continuing willingness to pitch in, as we all worked together on packing for camping trips, cleaning for visitors, cooking meals together. Helping my disabled friend as young teens has made them step up to the plate without complaint for their now disabled and dying dad. But the fun thing is that we had a very social neighborhood when they were young, and hosted parties and gatherings. They have ended up being creative planners, with no fear of hard work when putting an event together for others, or weddings for themselves.
Frugality . Living within/below means. Worth of purchases, not just ability to afford them. These phrases give a general idea of spending habits. But realistically not surprised.
Not surprised but pleased that the kids are both good at living below their means, thoughtful of others, willing and able to work hard. D is very empathetic and attuned to others, while S continues to work on this. S is amazing at finding bargains.
The bed making thing makes me laugh. I make mine every day as does my older son. I can’t stand getting into an unmade bed at night. My younger S however never makes his bed - it resembles a bird’s nest.
- Being humble -- that includes living below your means.
- Appreciating the arts -- creating art, participating in art, understanding art, understanding how art is made by others
- Reading-- they have habits of reading that surprise me. I never see one child reading and s/he is always saying "oh i read that" or "in the original of X, it says such and such " -- I asked how is it that you've read that? I only ever see you on your computer. The answer: I download the pdf of the book.
- Voting and being politically active in other ways
- Cooking -- they all can cook well and with confidence. Our motto is "if you can read, you can cook"
- Working out-- every day.
Pay off your credit card on time and in full every month. Both do this without fail. It is something my dad instilled in me, and passed it on. They are both pretty responsible with their money, and have far more in savings (including retirement accounts) than most twenty somethings.
Oh yeah, our kids are avid readers, critical thinkers, enjoy music much more than I did at their ages, especially classical.
Surprising payback? It came from “paying back.” Both of mine got the message about community service, where you stretch and have some impact, even small, with the people who need it. Both continued during college. One’s payback was a grant post-grad, based largely on this side experience. She continues service. The other went into a field that supports others.
It all started because I wanted them to be grateful for their own plusses, be willing to do for others.
BTW, my daughters share these values and habits with me, but I shouldn’t take credit for them nor for their other achievements.