<p>Okay, so of all days they decide to announce their divorce on father’s day. They have been married for almost 27 years, and they decide of ALL DAYS TO TELL ME THAT THEY ARE DIVORCING ON FATHER’S DAY?</p>
<p>I haven’t got a clue what to do next. I don’t want to stay here anymore, but I don’t want to move in my grandma’s house either (she has no internet and I am going to need it). I just want to get away, and I have been thinking about taking one of the cars and just taking a road trip for a few days, just to clear my mind and get myself away from the situation.</p>
<p>Sorry to hear it. A road trip sounds like a good idea. Can a friend go with you? You’ll probably want to talk - lots.</p>
<p>I’m sure it was very hard to hear about this on Father’s Day; although, in all likelihood, you probably wouldn’t have felt much differently if they told you tomorrow or next week. Certainly there’s no good time to hear this. But it was probably as hard for your parents to tell you as it was for you to hear it. Better times will return - really.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry to hear your parents announced this, on any day, but especially on Father’s Day. Ouch!</p>
<p>Take so time, go away (but just to your room). This is really, totally about them. You’re not part of the puzzle, so stay low for a while or it could get messy. What you want, once they’ve decided this is the way to go, is to have both close by and for them to stay civil.</p>
<p>No, I don’t have a friend to go with me, I would be doing this all alone.</p>
<p>The worst part about this is they want me to keep “quiet” and not tell anyone, including the only person I have to talk to…my bf. It is hard to keep something like this.</p>
<p>I kind of wished that they wouldn’t make such a big deal out of this. For YEARS they have threatened to divorce, sat us down numerous of times…and I’m sick of it.</p>
<p>How old are you, PB?
No, this is not a good time to take off on a road trip by yourself.
It is not fair for your parents to lay this on you and then require that you keep it to yourself. You have to decide whether to abide by their request, talk to them and tell them that this is difficult for you and you need the support of your closest friends, or go ahead and do what you need to do. </p>
<p>My dad died on fathers day- 35 years ago- but really- it wouldn’t have mattered when it happened.
It probably feels very anticlimactic- if they have been fighting about it for years- but I think that while you may have thought that if it was going to happen it would have happened by now- - or that they are crying wolf again, I also think that you need to take care of yourself- and that asking you to remain quiet about it, is not something they are allowed to do.
You do not owe them your silence- it is enough that you have to deal with their inability to not make it dramatic- if you need to talk to someone- then that is your right & responsibility if it helps you-.</p>
<p>It does feel very anticlimatic and unfair. This has been going on for almost a decade. I was in a relatively decent mood, and then they have the nerve sit my brothers (14 and 12) down and myself and talk about how their marriage is going to end and to tell us to keep our mouths shut? How dare they!</p>
<p>Hi,
Perhaps I misunderstood what you were proposing. When you said “take one of the cars and just take a road trip,” I read it to mean that you were going to take one of your parents’ cars and take off without telling them about it. Not so?</p>
<p>Well, that was kind of the plan, but of course I was going to leave a note and some contact information. I feel like they don’t even deserve an explanation. Their constant fighting and bickering has make my life and the lives of my brothers a living hell…yet they are telling me to keep my mouth shut and to not even talk to other family members or my bf about this. </p>
<p>I respect their decision to divorce. In fact, all those nights they kept me up with their yelling, they should have divorced years ago. But they are NOT going to keep my mouth shut about this. Not at all.</p>
<p>feel sad reading this. you are a young adult and have the right imho, to talk with your bf for support. taking some time to clear your head seems a reasonable choice for you to make as long as it doesn’t impact you in some other way, (ie. missing work/not telling others where you’re going)</p>
<p>you and your brothers have your own feelings and needs to consider now that you have heard this tough announcement, hopefully your parents will be able to hear this from you…let them know what your needs are.</p>
<p>That is a good question, but I know that the oldest of the two doesn’t care. The youngest…he seems to be okay, but just a little mopey. I have been putting up with their crap and have more memories of the constant arguing of those two…it’s going to hurt me more than the younger ones.</p>
<p>If I could, I would take my youngest brother with me, but that is not an option.</p>
<p>Maybe I am misreading your orignal post, but are you thinking of taking the car and going without their permission? Don’t do it!! I do think you need to tell them that you need some support from outside the family, and they shouldn’t have told you if they weren’t going to allow you to talk to someone about it. </p>
<p>I know when my D found out that her dad and I were divorcing, she had a small group of girlfriends that she contacted and got together with almost immediately. Lots of hugs and tears, and some shared stories with the one whose parents had divorced a few years before. It was hugely beneficial for D, I think, so if you have friends you could talk with, it is a good idea.</p>
<p>A couple of other thoughts. This is as huge and scary a change for your parents as it is for you. If they are anything like my ex-H and I, they are worrying about the impact on you and any siblings (where will you live? with who and for how long? who will pay the bills for day to day stuff, and longer term stuff like college?). But they don’t have the answers yet. It will likely take months, or more than a year for them to figure all of that out. And there will be some very emotional and hurtful moments in that time. When it is done, you (and they) probably won’t get everything you want out of the final arrangements.</p>
<p>I can tell you… it does get better, for everyone (you and them). But it takes time, and it is a pretty painful process. Acting out by you or your siblings won’t make it go away, or go more smoothly and quickly for anyone. I was super lucky, my kids did not do this. But I have known other kids who have. I don’t think in the end it will do you or them any good if you go down that path. I’m sorry you are going through this, hang in there.</p>
<p>I do think you are missing something if you think this will hurt you more than your brothers. They will likely end up moving back and forth between two houses, where you are old enough to choose. Your brothers may act like they don’t care, but I think siblings really need each other in this situation. You can defintely help set a tone for them, too. Taking off would be a pretty immature way to handle this, and just cause more of an uproar. Don’t be part of the problem…</p>
<p>“Their constant fighting and bickering has make my life and the lives of my brothers a living hell.”</p>
<p>Sounds like a reason to rejoice that they’re finally ending such a destructive marriage. My brother and I begged my parents to divorce because they fought all of the time. Unfortunately, to my great sorrow, they stayed miserably together until my father died when I was in my 30s.</p>
<p>I agree that you and your siblings have the right to discuss your feelings about this to whatever friends/relatives may give you support. It’s not right for your parents to dump this info on you and expect you to not share it with others.</p>
<p>Taking off with the car right now would just add drama to drama. And I doubt it would do much good for you, aside from a temporary sense of (cheap) payback. Instead, make a plan, tell them where you want to go, then go. Safely. Without drama. (Or auto theft!)</p>
<p>Unfortunately, I don’t have any friends to talk to…I am a misfit, so I am, in terms of friends, very much alone on this one. </p>
<p>This isn’t really scary or anything unexpected, so much as an “eff my life” moment (and I seem to be having plenty of those).</p>
<p>It’s funny though. My bf (his parents are divorced) and I have talked about marriage, and now I know that I am NEVER getting married…marriage just ruins everything.</p>
<p>Sounds like your parents have not handled this well, but as a young adult, you can. It sounds like you can really be the support for your younger sibs. Divorce is hard on all, keep in mind your parents are hurting too. It would be ideal if they could have set an example here, but you can be more mature than they’re being and help the younger kids see that hopefully everyone involved lives are about to get happier.</p>
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