Talking about income on here usually opens up a can of worms…Finances aside, are there any other reasons why your parents don’t feel like you should be out living on your own?
You could see if there are any openings in research labs—most give undergraduates credit, but you could always ask and see if they’d pay you instead. That way you’d get some research experience and pocket money out of it.
Yeah I’m a girl. I’m not from LA but I do live a couple hours away from the actual city. (I guess about an hour from the school I’ll be going to since it’s in Pomona).
And thank you for your explanations. I’m sorry if I sounded spoiled when I said that I thought we could afford it. I understand that around 120k is not as much as it seems. Not that I didn’t know before, but like I said, compared to the area we live in, it’s considered “higher than average”, so I thought we wouldn’t be TOO limited especially since we finished paying off the house, cars, etc.
Maybe I shouldn’t have even brought up financial issue, because as evermom1 stated, I do have highly overprotective parents who never let me go out on a typical Friday night even though I’m practically an adult, so that could also be the reason.
I’ll try doing as planned the first year, and hopefully I can manage getting a job and being able to pay for my own dorm/car by around my second year. Hopefully I’ll be able to gain a little but more freedom along the way.
It sounds like the financial aspect isn’t really a large part of the issue. From what you’re describing, it sounds like the degree of freedom is more the issue. Once you get there, try to find some kind of small work study job. Even if it’s 5-6 hours a week. Those jobs are usually very flexible with schools schedules.
So they want to spend two extra hours of their time driving you to and from school?
Your parents have veto power over any contribution they make to your college, so even if you earn your own money to live on or near campus or buy your own car, fuel, maintenance, and insurance, they still have the power to disallow that by threatening to withhold their contribution to tuition and books.
Have you talked to them about living in a dorm?
“Mom, Dad, I would like to talk to you about living on campus. Is that a possibility? I would like to be able to make friends and join in campus life.”
You also need to figure out if this is a control thing or a money thing.
If a control thing, then start working and saving up money to buy a car.
If a money thing, ask if it would be possible to live on campus some years. It would actually be better to live on campus as a freshman as you can make friends and get involved now and then live off campus later.
If it is a control thing, the OP’s parents will probably veto anything else, whether or not the OP saves her own money for a car, on-campus housing, etc…
OP, just ride with them. You have the entire day on campus and will probably be glad when they come pick you up at the end of the day and can retreat to your private room in a real house. Get a small on-campus job like in the library or something and use the gym to fill out your day, give you purpose and structure beyond going to class, and even some autonomy with regard to $. They don’t have to know about this, do they? Join some clubs and ask them to pick you up at odd times (like 9 pm) when you need it. Figure out if there are any other carpool situations. Eventually, they will probably come around, once they see you settle into the school.
CPP has a requirement for all freshmen not living really really close to campus to live in the dorms freshman year. Here is the info:
http://www.cpp.edu/~housing/housing-options/freshmen-requirement.shtml
I guess I’m in the minority but I think you should try to do everything you can to take advantage of the technicality @engineerisme pulled up.
Parents wielding this much control over a college age kid is not right. Yes, they have the power to if they pay tuition, but I think that power has moral limits, and this would cross it assuming they are aware of your opposition and there is not a financial problem. The forbidding a job thing as well. Try to get an on campus job if you can’t change the current situation. The money will at least get you some independence, and if you feel like it is cutting into school you can always quit.
Good luck!
At this point, you need to find out what the real issue is.
Is it a financial issue? It is a very real possibility that the money just isn’t there. In this case, you need to find a way to make it work. Others above have given you ideas such as sharing the car if possible. Carpooling with another student. Maybe public transportation. There are many kids that get NO support from the parents. It sounds like your parents are supporting your decision to go to college and are helping pay for it as well as allowing you to live at home.
Is it a maturity issue from their point of view? Have you asked them is this a four year deal or a short term arrangement until they feel that you are ready to handle college on your own. If so, swallow your pride and prove that you can handle the situation over time.
Is it a culture issue? If so, you will have a tough battle. Are there any adults that your parents respect that can advocate for you?
Is it a control issue? I know you see it that way but is it really the case?
Did your parents go to college? The media presents college as one big party. The reality is that for many that college is one long grind with hopefully some fun. Maybe if you know someone that goes to the school they can discuss with your parents what your school is like. From the sounds of it, it would probably work better of it is a parent of a current student. If your school is a known party school then this wouldn’t work.
This is a strange question, but OP, do you have any older siblings that got into trouble at college? If so, that might explain the parents’ reluctance to “let go.” My oldest sister got into trouble at college, got in with a bad crowd that eventually estranged her from our family. As a result, my parents had a hard time letting me have independence in high school. I was resentful about that at first, but slowly I began to understand why. They let out the reins little by little, and by being trustworthy and picking good friends, I was eventually allowed freedoms my oldest sister had never had.
So what happens if you have a night class? Will mom and dad stay in the library and wait?
Lots of great info in here already, so what I’m about to say will probably echo a lot.
If you want to live on campus you should be able to. It’s also something that I encourage so that you can make friends. Friends will not only be there for moral support in times of need, to help you grow into your own person, but when you need help with school they’ll be right there on campus, not an hour away.
If you want a job, you should be able to have one. Your parents can’t stop you from having a job. They can, however, stop supporting you. If you give them an ultimatum of “let me have a job or else,” they could kick you out and make you pay for your own school.
Ultimately, you need to figure out how much living on campus is worth to you. Is it worth potentially losing funding for school and having to go somewhere that you yourself can afford? On the flip side, if your parents are overprotective and you give THEM the ultimatum that if they don’t let you get a job to pay for a dorm you’ll move out, you could totally scare them into letting you do it (for fear of “losing you” if you will). It’s a huge gamble but it can work.
Seems like you have some options…
$100000 sounds like a lot, but first you take off like $30000 for taxes.
Then let us say you have a $2000 mortgage. That takes you to $46,000.
Then we need to pay tuition, car payments, house insurance, auto insurance, electric, gas, telephone, cell phones, cable, sewer, water, property taxes, water, oh yeah and food.
I encourage my kids not to work too much in school…I want their job to be doing well in school. Then again I pay for their tuition/room and board. I want them to work in the summer and over breaks.
Hey, @alyrae I am/was(?) in a similar situation like you. This post resonated a lot to me… message me if you’d like to talk.