I’m going to college next year about 1 hour away from my house, and I would really like to live there at least a year but I don’t think my parents will let me. So instead now my mom/dad is going to drop me off and pick me up from COLLEGE every single day. What the heck… I wanted a car myself so I could just drive there myself… I mean if I couldn’t even dorm there, I’d like there to be a positive thing to it such as myself getting a car. But no, my parents are still going to continue dropping me off and picking me up as if it were still elementary school. At my high school the majority of seniors drive to school themselves, but I don’t… Why must it be the same for college?
And the reason why is because they claim that it’s on the way to their work. It’s true in a way, I mean, they’re both in LA county but it’s not like they’ll pass my school (CPP) to get to work. And if I happen to take late classes like in the afternoon, they would make me go at 6am with them and study in the library until my classes start… Same with picking me up… They would make me stay in the library until they got off work…
If this is the case, college is going to be so much worse than high school… I already was going to hate college more since I can’t dorm there, but now I find out my parents have to drop me off and pick me up even though I’m 18… But now I can’t even have my own car to go places around there if I ever want to take a break at lunch or something.
Can we afford it? Yes, we can afford it. Trust me, we can. We make over 100k a year. But my parents still continue to be frugal about it so I have to give up some things like freedom and such. Can I get a job to pay for my car and gas/dorms? No, my parents want me to focus on education only so I’m not allowed to get a job. I try to tell them that I would have no college life, and they tell me that I’m not supposed to be having a “big college life” anyway.
But what should I do…? I’ve gotten so desperate to the point where I need advice on this and have to post this. This whole thing is making me less excited for college…I can’t believe I have to go through with it. And I know that they’ll be paying so I have to agree, but it’d be nice if I had other options too. Sorry if this was kind of a rant, but yeah, I’m just kind of upset over it.
When I was in law school (and I’d worked for 5 years between UG and law school, so I was 27), I carpooled with my mom. See, that’s the thing - you’re looking at it wrong. You’re an adult, the relationship has to (or should) change a bit. My sister aand her daughter (who is 21) share a car sometimes, and that’s what it is - sharing. Not “mommy dropping me off for school”. So look at the realities. If you will only have to be at school for a few hours, why can’t you take them to work and then have the car for the day, then pick them up? Do they have 2 cars? Maybe they can share some days and let you have one. Hopefully you can work out a pla as 3 adults with a logistical problem, without all the family baggage.
And really, a part time job probably won’t hurt your academics; there have been studies that show it even helps. If you’re going to be stuck on campus all day, try to convince tham to let you get a job. Then you can save up for a car. Or how about working over the summer?
I wish I could be dropped off by my parents lol; my friend’s mother is a SAHM and she drives her and her brother to college (they go to different colleges) and her other sibling to work and then goes on to do her daily errands; it’s a pretty sweet deal.
I commute to school and I have to deal with public transit which is infinitely worse than being dropped off. I prefer public transit to driving myself too - because at least sitting in a train means I can doze off, do homework, or just people watch; I can’t do that behind the wheel of a car on a highway.
You are fortunate enough that your parents can finance your college education (I grew up in a very poor, very much working class community and the idea of a parent contributing to a child’s education was almost unheard of; many of my friends had EFCs of 0.) – everyone has to make sacrifices; don’t let the idea of something get you down before you’ve even experienced it. Maybe you won’t even mind it, or maybe you will, and you’ll find alternatives or solutions. You said your parents make more than 100k which is a pretty vague parameter; 100k is not THAT much, at least not in urban areas like Los Angeles, so maybe you’re underestimating how much a financial burden dorming would be.
Your parents are not treating you like an adult and they are not giving you a lot of options. If someone is dropping you off and picking you up everyday, they are planning to spend even more time in the car than you. This seems exhausting to everyone involved and doesn’t seem like it will last long. If they are going to place this demand on you, is there a school closer to home you can attend?
Sorry, I missed that…we had takeout for dinner and it had arrived
OP, I think you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your parents. Would they be amenable to your having a summer job? Saving enough to get a second hand car?
Take a look at the college site, and see what it say about commuting-- how walkable is the campus for someone who relies on public transportation (that’s the closest example I can find for someone in your situation.)
Do they expect you to be at all involved in college outside of classes? I commuted to college, but did make friends. We went skiing together, and into NYC to see a play. Do they expect you to merely attend classes and return straight home?
I see why you’re unhappy with the situation, but I think you need to talk to THEM, not US.
And as for that 100K per year-- my husband and I are both teachers in Catholic Schools… not exactly the most lucrative of careers. We make WELL over 100K per year, and finances for college are VERY limited. I’m pretty sure that LA county is very similar to Long Island… money may be a whole lot tighter than you imagine.
There are a number of ways to look at this. Their decision is the most financially responsible decision. You say that they make over $100,000 a year, but that doesn’t mean the same thing in LA County as it does in many other parts of the country. If this is about it being a social taboo or something that’s going to make people look at you weird…then don’t worry. The overwhelming odds are that either: 1 - nobody will even notice; or 2 - nobody will care. This isn’t like high school where everyone lines up at the front door before school and gets dropped off at the same spot. Nobody cares how you arrive at and leave the campus. I wish my parents would give me a ride to school everyday. It’d make things a lot easier and cheaper for me.
That being said, I can see the other side of this issue. You’re an adult, and your parents do not seem to be treating you as such. If they’re paying for your college education, then they do get a bit of say in it. But they ultimately can’t stop you from doing what you want. Get a summer job and save enough to buy a cheap car. They can’t legally stop you from doing this.
@bodangles - that is one of the alternatives - he doesn’t need to accept his parent’s tuition money. There are also many in between alternatives. Now is the time in his life when he needs to learn to advocate for himself and negotiate with his parents.
OP, $100k/year does not make for a carefree existence in L.A. County.
That said, I’m sure it’s a disappointment to think of riding with your parents to college next year. Why don’t you go along for now? You WILL be able to go to college, and no matter how you get there and back, your time there will be yours to learn and enjoy. You’ll have plenty of time in the car to talk to them, and perhaps they will come around to the idea of you working and saving up to live more independently.
While I know plenty of people who commute at my college, I agree that being driven around every day is a bit much. Do you qualify for work-study or anything like that? Getting your own car might be a good idea and a compromise worth looking into—you’d save money by living at home but would have the ability to come and go as you pleased.
I get what everyone’s saying that 100k isn’t a lot, they don’t make exactly 100k which is why I said “over”, but I didn’t want to go in exact details, which means they could actually make 180k…200k…300k…anything “over” 100k as I’ve mentioned “over”. Not saying they do make 300k but I just mentioned that because to me that seemed like a grateful amount compared to the people around our neighborhood.
And I don’t mean to sound ignorant, but what does working in LA make a difference about income? How does it make things “tighter”?
Some people are making me seem like I’m just depending on my parents’ money, but I’ve always wanted to get a job. Legally, I know I could get the job if I really wanted to, but imagine the outcome with the family. I’ll probably screw it and get the job anyway.
@alyrae - Why be secretive? Saying “over 100k” usually means around 100k; if your parents made 5 million a year, you wouldn’t say “over 75k” even though 5 million is technically over 75k. The reason the area is important is because the cost of living in different regions varies incredibly. Someone living in Midtown Manhattan with a yearly income of 100k is gonna live a pretty different lifestyle than a person living in Nebraska. I’m from Boston and a 100k household income is firmly middle class, I imagine the same can be said for LA.
If you don’t have another source of money to finance your education (a salary, a scholarship, etc) then you (like most college students) are largely dependent on your parents’ money. Getting a job can help with the car part, but your parents are still paying for your tuition, no?
The reason that where you live is because the cost of living is significantly higher in some places in the country-- like LA and NY-- than it is in others. Everything, from the price of a gallon of gas to the price of a loaf of bread to your property taxes, will cost your parents (and me) MUCH more than they cost in other parts of the country. What my house is worth – a middle class, 3 BR Cape on a 50 x 100 plot-- on Long Island would pay for a NICE house on some serious property elsewhere.
So our point is that, to a 17 year old kid living at home, “over 100K” sounds like a LOT of money, with lots and lots to spare. And in some parts of the country, it probably is. But absolutely not here, and not in LA. So your parents objection may very well be rooted in the financial pressures they’re facing.
And, as so often the case in life, he who foots the bill has the say.
Well, I don’t think OP is a boy. I think she’s a girl. I can see parents putting these types of restrictions on a girl. Not that I’m defending it, it’s just that I get it. And she may be right. This could be less about money and more about parents being overly protective. I actually empathize with her position.
@evermom1 - I can see immigrant parents putting these types of restrictions on their kid (regardless of gender) too - the whole “college experience means nothing, get your education, (and be a doctor/lawyer/astronaut)” is a spiel a lot of first generation American kids get. It has to do with the nature of higher education in Asia, Africa, Middle East, etc.
Living in or around LA makes a difference because it has one of the highest average costs of living in the US. 100k+ is a good amount of income even in that area, but there are many areas where such an income will put you in a substantially higher relative income bracket compared to the average income in the area.
Remember that this is only your first year. College is four years. Just because they want have a somewhat more strict arrangement this year doesn’t mean that they will for the next four years. It may be easiest to just go along with it for now, and then change the situation in a year or so.
